Month: September 2017

Ending, a new beginning

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Paul and I are starting to think about retirement. Over the last several months, we received several generous offers for our business. Which, after much contemplation, we declined.

We were thinking of working for another 5 to 7 years, selling our business, and retiring. Then we had a day where we had absolutely nothing to do for 3 whole hours. We were bored. We just about went stir crazy. I was thinking of throwing food on the floor so I had something to clean…or braving into the dark realms of my teenagers’ rooms with a vacuum cleaner..

Then we asked each other how we would handle being retired with days to fill with nothing. So we decided that we would most likely work forever and just slowly cut back our hours until we were ready to sell…not a bad plan..

Then something happened…we had an auction as a fundraiser for our church. We put a 3 hour sunset sailboat ride on the auction block. It went for $400. After that, we had another bidder come up to us and ask if we would take them for a 3 hour ride if they offered $400 to the church. Really?? Seriously??

Then the idea started to trickle back into my brain…Let’s retire after the kids leave and start another business.

When our start up business was in its infancy, we could never leave it. For the first couple of years, Paul was a one man show. That meant the day our last baby was born, Paul had to leave the hospital and go to work.

In the beginning years, Paul had to have major surgery which required a week hospital stay. He was supposed to take at least a month off of work. He called clients from his hospital bed. Right after he got home, I drove him to the office everyday. I helped him walk up and down the steps one at a time wincing in pain. Then I came back and picked him up at the end of the day.

He went to the office with strep. Some nights he worked until 10 PM.

Finally his hard work paid off and he was able to hire an employee. After the first employee left and the kids were old enough for school, I joined him. Then we hired a few more people. We really didn’t know what we were doing. We didn’t even have an employee handbook.

This past week we had an employee oversleep her 1 PM shift. I’ve had to come back early from vacation to cover for people. Sometimes having employees is like parenting. They are great people, but managing creates a lot of stress and frustration in my life. It requires disciplining, hand holding, encouraging, instructing, and being the one who makes difficult decisions. That’s what you get when your name is one the door.

Maybe when I am done parenting, I would like to be done managing people too.

So it got me to thinking about retirement again. Paul and I always talked about starting a new business doing sailboat chartering. We could sell our business, pay off our debt, and start a new company. Apparently there is a market for it. Then we could get back to working together alone again.

Once the kids leave home, it is still on the table. We would buy a bigger sailboat. Paul would get his captain license. I could do all of the scheduling. I would take pictures and write about the experiences of the people sailing with us and make a scrapbook for them of their adventures. Paul is an excellent chef…he would do the cooking, I would do the cleaning. On days of bad weather, Paul and I are amateur actors. He also plays guitar while I sing. We like to laugh and tell stories. We like to listen and learn about the lives of others.

It wouldn’t be a big money making venture, but it would be fun.

Outrunning my fear of biking..

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This past weekend I participated in a 20 mile bike ride to help raise money for our church. I was the only person that signed up for 20 miles this year.

The lady that rode with me last year ended up having knee surgery, lost her mother, and had her husband leave her for another woman all in the last couple of months. It really wasn’t a good year for her so I can’t really complain about a little fear of biking.

I realize that I haven’t spoken about running or racing at all since I competed in the Half Iron a couple of months back. Completing the Half Ironman was one of the biggest accomplishments in my life. I wish I could capture that feeling and put it in a bottle. Its scent is more enchanting than the world’s sweetest perfume.

After the Half Iron, I took 3 weeks off from exercising. I typically take 1 week off after a large race to re-cooperate. Then we went for our week 20th anniversary sailing trip, so we were on vacation..Between these two events, it was one of the best summers ever!

Anyway, that first run was difficult. It always is. I don’t get too hard on myself if I need to walk a little that first time out after a grueling race.

However, I noticed now that I feel very anxious on my bike. I feel kind of embarrassed about it. I think part of it is feeling a lack of control over the clip on shoes. My right foot has been hard to unclip and I feel nervous since I fell. I sprayed my pedals with Pam before I left home.

The main roads were very busy on the bike ride. I was afraid that I was going to fall in the church parking lot and make a fool of myself in front of all the people. I had to maneuver around a lot of cars and a tractor on the road. Yes, a tractor! It was challenging.

After about 10 miles, I started to relax once I got on the back roads. I stopped a couple minutes to re-hydrate. A couple passing in a car stopped to ask if I was okay. There are still some good people left in the world..

As I was biking past tall reeds and weeds, I heard a loud crashing noise. I scared two deer out of their hiding place in the tall grass and boy did they scare me!

I hesitate to ride my bike in the center of the lane because of cars. I hesitate to hug the ditch because of animals. I almost hit a skunk last year on my bike. I scared up deer, many rodents, and wild turkeys. Sometimes animals that are afraid are unpredictable. At first, the wild turkeys came towards me as I was riding by them.

The busier road I took on this ride was under construction. There were bump signs and I had to dismount my bike. I also walked it through a busy intersection. It took awhile to get back on my bike because there were so many cars. There was a semi that passed me up a hill in a no passing zone which always scares the crap out of me. I’ve had a few close calls with cars as you can imagine if you are an outdoor runner or biker.

Sometimes I also feel lightheaded. That scares me. Seriously, what doesn’t??!

As I was pulling up to a stop sign near the bike ride rest stop, I was able to unclip my shoes but I couldn’t reach ground. I hit the brakes and almost flew off my bike. I tried to put my feet on the pedals, but they slipped off. I almost fell. Great way to make an entrance to the snack and hydration area! Look at me! The only biker that went 20 miles and crashed into the snack table! Well, it wasn’t that bad but I had them lower my bike seat so I could touch the ground easier. I think that is going to help me a lot!

Last year was the first time I biked 20 miles…since then I did an Olympic tri that was all hills and completed the Half Iron.

I hate to say this but I don’t think I enjoy biking as much now as I did when I was a kid. But I did accomplish much over this past year and think I can conquer this newfound fear.

I am still not sure what is on my racing menu for next season…but I am still biking and out running!!

Birthday blessings

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Today is a special day because it is the golden birthday of the child we recently sponsored in Togo, Africa. I’m sure he won’t be complaining that the birthday money I sent will be a little late.

This child comes from one of the poorest countries in the world. He has a big head and a tiny little emaciated body. Almost half of the people don’t have electricity. Most don’t have indoor bathrooms and have to walk for miles to get clean drinking water. That is their normal. I feel grimy if I can’t shower everyday. Showering is probably the least of their concerns.

The average annual salary in Togo is $400, so the $30 that we are sending him every month is considerable. But what is it to us? We probably spend close to their annual salary in one month of internet and cell phone charges. We are giving $30 out of our excess. Pocket change..coffee for a month..

It reminds me of the Biblical story of the rich man giving a lot of money and the poor widow giving the last of her money. Who gave more? The rich man. But did he really when the widow gave everything she had?

We had the opportunity to sponsor a child years ago but didn’t. Money was tight starting a business on one income with 3 little mouths to feed. It seemed practical to not spend any extra money. We didn’t give when we had little to give.

The child we sponsor sent a letter saying that he was praying that God would bless us for our giving. I’ll admit, it did give me warm fuzzies. But am I really that great if I am giving out of my excess? Maybe I should sponsor 100 children…but I would have to give up blogging to write all of those letters.

To tell you the truth, it is really hard to relate to a child whose favorite toy is a ball. He would be overjoyed to receive a new ball for his birthday. A ball? Not the newest iPhone? Or how about a fidget spinner? Or is that fad over now?? That’s right, most of the children in Togo don’t have the opportunity to stay in school. The literacy rate is horrifying, not to mention how the kids become easy target for sex trafficking.

Someday we would like to visit our child in Togo. I think it would be a humbling experience. Paul and I always spoke of doing a mission trip. We would love to help people rebuild their lives. But we wouldn’t be able to commit to anything until after our children grow up.

Paul mentioned how nice it would be to go to Togo to bring our sponsor child home with us to the land of milk and honey. Or the land of beer and cheese depending on how you view Wisconsin.

Can you imagine what it would be like to place an iPhone in the hands of a child who lived his whole life without electricity? He would be sickened by our excess.

Is it arrogant to think that our way of life is better?? I mean, my kids don’t call me a blessing every time they nickel and dime ($5 and $10) me. Which, come to think of it, happens pretty often.

I bet the food our country throws away in one day would be enough to feed another country. Remember the guilt trip our parents took us on about the starving kids in Africa when we didn’t eat all of our food? If only our parents could’ve sent our food there.

I think the average American would love to help those in desperate need if they could. If they can’t physically help, they would love to send money. The problem is that we are afraid. We all know of someone that was scammed. We cannot trust that our money is going to where it is supposed to go. There are some bad people out there that really ruin things for the people that need help.

Regardless, I feel blessed to help a child. Happy birthday to my other ‘son’.

 

 

Blizzards, hurricanes, and airplanes

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My husband and I are flying to Florida next week…or at least we are (were??) planning to.

As you may have guessed, we have become obsessed with the news coverage of hurricane Irma. We are going to Orlando for a conference and decided to go a little early to spend a few days at Disney without the kids.

I was surprised to see people sharing things on Facebook about it being the end of the world. Major hurricanes, wildfires out West, and a solar eclipse…but all of these things have been happening since the beginning of time. At least we have modern technology to know about the storms before they hit.

Some people also have been thinking that the world was ending for awhile too. I remember hearing stories in my lifetime of people waiting on their rooftops for the end of the world to come. They would’ve died waiting too…which sends my thoughts to wonder how many fell off their rooftops? I wouldn’t want to climb out on mine, especially in winter.

Maybe people are talking about the end of the world because it seems like America is getting hit with some pretty nasty natural disasters.

Did anyone proclaim the end of the world when eBola hit Africa?? What about during the Salem witch trials, the year 666, and during the bubonic plague??

My brain might explode!

Do I believe that someday the world will end?? Yes, perhaps so, but I believe that the world has been ending since it first began. Kind of like life…people will debate over when life begins..Does it begin at conception or birth? But no one would debate that the minute something is living that it begins the process of dying whether it is a plant, human, or animal…

Wow, that is morbid and deep…okay, enough of the philosophy.

I don’t know if we will be flying out next week…As a Midwestern girl, I know nothing about hurricanes. I’ve only dipped my toes in the ocean a handful of times. I’ve never seen a shark in the sea. I’ve never seen an alligator or crocodile in its natural habitat. I couldn’t tell the difference between them.

All that Wisconsinites know about is blizzards.

Most of us know how to drive in a foot of snow. Some people around this neck of the woods can manage driving in a foot of snow drunk. I wouldn’t recommend it.

We rarely shut down for more than a day for a snow storm…usually a few hours. Most people have a truck, snowmobile, or 4 wheel drive. We’ve gotten used to white out conditions, sliding into snow banks, and leaving the house when it is 20 below without gloves and hats. We can live 3 months barely seeing the sun. We’ve become accustomed to seasonal depression. We shovel the snow out of our driveways with snot dripping and freezing onto our jackets. We are so desperate to get out that we fish on the ice. The bravest of us see how long we can make it before turning the heat on.

But hurricanes, I don’t know anything about that! I can’t even comprehend its impact.

I suppose I too am guilty of being self-centered. I am worried about myself, my flight, my ability to get away for a few days. I seem to be more concerned about the storm for my purposes then the people that have lost everything even their lives.

I admit I am rather happy that all of the news on Facebook isn’t political rants, rioting, and that weird stuff about statues. But I feel horrible about the stories of devastation that are replacing them.

Oh, and I never did read that article about the end of the world.

 

Arabella’s letter

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Our local high school encourages parents to write a letter to their child upon entering high school to be given to them at graduation. Sounds like an easy task for a ‘writer’, but it is not.

I don’t remember what I wrote for my oldest daughter and she never let me read it after graduation.

A few years back, I wrote the letter to my son and shared that letter with you. It was easier to write because quite frankly I was moved. We were going through some really hard times with him. Times a lot harder than him going to an underage drinking party at someone’s cabin. Let’s just say that I had a lot of words of wisdom and advice to share..

But it is not all about my middle child and his ability to rock the boat today. It is about Arabella, my baby, the child I have little in common with. She doesn’t even look like me. She was a horrible baby. She cried non-stop for the first year, day and night. After that first year, she has been easy going and probably my easiest child to raise so far (although we are only a year into the teen years). She has been practically a straight A student and seems to have her head on fairly straight. What kind of advice could I give her??

Well, here goes…

Dear Arabella,

As I write this on your first day of high school, I can’t believe that you are graduating already.

I have to wonder…Did you start your own business yet? What will the future hold now that you will be out from under our wing?

I remember the day you were born. You were the ‘famous baby’ in a published photography book. Your dad proudly showed the book to every visitor that entered our house for years.

Then came the first day of school. You were afraid to let go of my hand just like now I am afraid to let go of yours. It doesn’t seem possible that childhood could fly by so quickly. Now you are graduating!

We are so proud of you, not just on this one day. We are proud of your past accomplishments and are excited for your future endeavors. We know you will go far with your intelligence, persistence, and leadership skills.

Love,

Mom & Dad

Momster, life as a ‘mean’ mom

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And just like that summer is unofficially over…It is windy, rainy, and cool with high temps in the lower 60’s. For today, I put the shorts and t-shirts away…oh and…THE KIDS ARE ALL BACK IN SCHOOL!

My youngest child just started her first year of high school today. How do I feel? To be completely honest…I just want this parenting thing to be over right now. Harsh, I know. Perhaps this won’t be a popular post, unless you are or have recently been parents of teenagers. Then I don’t even have to explain and probably wasted my time writing this post..

A few weeks ago, we took our oldest back to college for her second year. It does get a lot easier the second time around. We moved her in early since she had practice before school started. She was the first roommate to arrive on an unseasonably warm day. Her apartment was stifling hot and did not cool off quickly. She decided to sleep that first night in her underwear. She wasn’t aware that her foreign roommate would be moving in that night at 3 AM. Welcome to America! Awkward!

I received another call this past weekend about my son and the underage drinking party he attended at a cabin last month. To recap, my son was supposed to pick up a girl to take to her family’s cabin (to be more exact, to the cabin of her recently widowed grandmother) but she got busted by her parents with alcohol. So she told her friends to party without her. She explained how to get in if the door was locked. About 20 kids showed up and trashed the place.

The parents of this girl spent Labor Day weekend up north at the cabin and found more disturbing things. They left a message for me to call them back. As far as I know, they have not been in contact with any of the other parents.

Naturally, I was upset all over again and called back inquiring about the disturbing things. Apparently, the disturbing things were broken glass and blood on the carpet. My idea of disturbing things are needles, drug paraphernalia, and evidence of satanic rituals. They called several times now to just talk about things, to commiserate.

I am starting to wonder if this is the start of some bizarre friendship.

At freshman orientation, I spoke to Arabella’s teacher. She ran her first marathon last year when I ran my second. I felt like we had this quasi-competitive relationship. She is an attractive woman in my age group. We finished a few seconds apart. I asked her if she competed in anymore marathons since last summer. She said that she was trying to get back into shape. She also commented on how popular my posts are on Facebook. We are not Facebook friends and I didn’t think she even knew my first name. Although, she did call me about once a week when my son was in her class over nothing much really. Does that make us friends?

These relationships with other parents are so confusing! I wonder if she will call now that my daughter is in her class since she is a straight A student.

I have been the mother of teenagers for 6 years now. I have over 5 years to go..3 years, 8 months, and 10 days until my youngest is an adult. But who’s counting??

I am growing weary of it…the constant stress, the constant worry…the constant feeling of poking myself in the eyeball with stick pins..make sure to put your clean laundry away instead of leaving it on a pile with the dirty clothes on the floor.

If my son decides to go to college, and decides to go to a school nearby, I don’t want him to live at home to save money as previously discussed. I want him to leave and live his own life. I already nag my husband enough and don’t need another adult to nag..

I suppose this is a natural part of parenting teenagers…the not wanting to let go followed immediately by the desire to set them free..

A good friend of mine said that we shouldn’t make our home too comfortable for our adult children to return to. They should want to leave. Although her son flunked out of college and moved back home. So the whole idea is not working out great for her. She is beside herself.

So I am happy as another school year starts. I want my kids to mature, to grow up. I want to be their friend someday as adults like I am with my oldest child. I am ready for the work to be over and the fun to start! My adult daughter calls me her best friend…sometimes she tells me too much about what is happening in her life..

I no longer want to be the ‘mean mom’ that enforces curfews, grounds them when they have drinking parties at someone’s cabin, makes them clean their rooms, and otherwise teaches them responsibility as they resist my efforts to nag them into becoming fully functioning adult members of society.