Month: September 2023

Adjusting

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It’s been a week since we brought the puppies home and what a week it’s been. Overall, things have been going well with some setbacks along the way. We weren’t really planning on getting puppies quite this soon, but here we are with two purebred beagles who are a year old. The owner was an older man who could no longer take care of his property and needed to sell to move into an apartment. He couldn’t take his dogs with and didn’t want to separate them. He was desperate because he was moving in a week and couldn’t find a home for his dogs. So he gave us the dogs and all of their supplies for $100.

For the first couple of nights, the dogs barely slept at all. They had accidents in the house. They never saw a cat before which probably has been the most difficult adjustment of all. In the meantime, we had our home visit for the cat we are in the process of adopting. I was worried they wouldn’t want us to adopt anymore because of the dogs and my daughter living at home with a criminal record. They were afraid we didn’t want the cat anymore because we had the dogs. It’s interesting how our fears change based on the perspective we are looking in from.

Arabella had her first visit with her probation officer this week. According to her, everything went well. We haven’t had any big glaring issues yet.

My son’s car is getting fixed and had nothing to do with the accident he was in. I’m not sure why I have so many irrational fears about vehicles not working. Maybe it just has something to do with the lack of control and knowledge.

My daughter Angel and her husband will be celebrating one year of marriage already this weekend. Everything is going great so far. They just planned an anniversary honeymoon in St. Lucia. I am excited for them.

My appointment with the GI physician assistant went well. I had a couple of tests done and will be getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy done at the same time in a week and a half. I really like the PA but dislike the GI doctor. It might take some more time, but I should have a lot of answers in the next couple weeks.

My husband turned 55 this week. I will be throwing a birthday bash for him this weekend. My son and his band will be playing. I am a little nervous about how the party is going to work out especially with the dogs running around. Then there are the normal worries if I will have enough food and beverages here for everyone. I cleaned the house today and will be starting with the cooking tomorrow. It’s a lot of work but I like hosting parties and don’t mind doing all the clean up afterwards.

There has been a lot going on. I feel like I’m going through a big adjustment period right now.

The happenings of this week…

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It’s been a crazy week to say the least. Arabella had her final (hopefully) court date. Of her three felonies; one has been dismissed, one has been reduced to a misdemeanor, and the last one will be dismissed if she successfully completes two years of probation. After court, we walked over to the probation office to sign her up. She was in an upbeat and bubbly mood talking to everyone who came her way. Before court, I took her in for a haircut. She told her hairdresser she wanted to look good for court. Never a dull moment. Then we bought some nice shoes so she didn’t have to wear crocs to court.

The day before court, Paul and I went to a volunteer appreciation banquet. While we were there, a woman I volunteer with came up to me out of the blue and asked me if I was interested in adopting two beagles. The strange thing is that Paul and I were going to start a search within the next week or so for two beagles. The owner is an elderly man who is moving next week from a house to an apartment where he cannot take his dogs. He was getting desperate to find a good home for the pups where they wouldn’t be separated from each other. We set up a time tomorrow to meet the puppies and bring them back home with us.

I also set up a time to have a home visit for the cat I put adoption papers in for. I cannot believe that within a week or so I might have 3 new pets. I am very anxious about tomorrow to meet the puppies. I also have a doctor’s appointment with the GI doctor and I’m afraid it’s not going to go very well. I think maybe I have an ulcer as I have been sick for 3 months with stomach pain. It could be colitis again but it seems different this time. I’m not sure what is going to happen but it probably involves a lot more testing.

Along with all of that, I set up an appointment for my son’s car tomorrow. Just a quick recap. Alex got the car in November and it was totaled on Christmas Eve after someone blew a red light and smashed into it. The next couple months after that were spent fixing and rebuilding the car. Now the car is running rough and doesn’t have any pick up when you hit the gas pedal. Hopefully it is not a big deal and can be fixed affordably. But my worry is that the crash did something internally as well. My son has been borrowing my car and that hasn’t been working all that well because sometimes I need it. He decided to go back to school which I am very happy about, but he needs transportation beyond my car.

Being in the accident changed my son. Now he wears his seatbelt which he refused to do before. He always said if he saw he was going to be in an accident he would slip it on real quick. You can imagine how that worked out for him. At least no one got hurt. The other thing, he is no longer interested in riding a motorcycle because he thinks it is too dangerous. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t end up getting my motorcycle license. He is planning on fixing up his motorcycle and selling it.

I am hoping Arabella learned some good lessons from her experience with the criminal justice system. Time will tell on that one. I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life being a pet mom again. I am hoping they will bring our household happiness and joy. As with most new adventures, it will be an adjustment.

A lull in the storm

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The last couple of days have been the lull in life’s storms. Things are going pretty good and everyone seems to be getting along alright. Arabella for the time being seems to be fairly stable.

I have been keeping busy trying to find what brings me peace and joy. I started volunteering this week for a new organization, a sanctuary for rescue cats. Yesterday I put in an adoption application for a cat rescued from a hoarding situation. He came from a house with 88 cats.

I am hoping he does well with Arabella’s cat. But if he survived in a house with 88 cats, I’m sure he can survive in a house with one temperamental cat. There is so much information available now online on the best ways to introduce animals to each other. Before the internet, we just threw them together and hoped for the best.

Paul is thinking of getting a dog maybe within the next month. Although pets can be a lot of work, they also bring a lot of joy. We haven’t had a dog since ours passed away almost 2 years ago. We didn’t think a puppy would work well with our geriatric cat. But now our cat has been gone for a month already. Then a week later my daughter’s cat moved in. I really realized how much I enjoy having pets. That’s something I’ve been examining when I think about ways to reduce my stress.

I’ve also been saying no to things I might find stressful. I said no to going up to the cabin for Labor Day weekend. The extended family is more judgmental of my family than they are supportive. The last time we were all together for my mom’s birthday, I was really stressed out. There weren’t enough places to sleep for everyone. I suggested that my youngest niece, who just turned 14, could sleep on the couch. But my SIL said my niece couldn’t handle sleeping that far away from her mom. She slept with her mother in the double bed while my son and his girlfriend slept on the couch.

I was annoyed because my brother and his wife baby their kids so much. Teenagers sleeping with their mommies. Barf! My nieces are homeschooled and they don’t experience being around other people who think differently from them. They have been judgmental towards everyone in my immediate family at some time or another. It’s hard to be ‘on vacation’ and feel like you can’t be yourself around the extended family. Then my other SIL is psycho and screams at my brother. My dad isn’t allowed up at the cabin when the grandkids are around because he is a pedophile. My mom plays the victim and shows extreme favoritism towards my brother Matt who often burps, farts, and gags at the table. Yeah….no.

I even turned down the overnight family reunion because I thought that might be stressful too. Saying no to stressful things and saying yes to joyful experiences. Remember that friends are the family we choose. I like that saying. So this weekend, we are spending time with our friends.

On to other things

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The cat war is over and now we have moved on to other worries.

The evening I posted the cat wars post, Paul and I made a trip over to Will’s apartment to get Arabella’s big items, such as her couch, because she just got out of jail earlier in the week. While we were there, Will said he would give Arabella her cat back on two conditions. The first that she would not lock the cat up in her room and the second that she would allow him places to hide. I called Arabella right away and she said she would agree with the conditions.

After the break up, Paul and I tried to have a non-adversarial relationship with Will. I think this really helped the cat situation. Although, I believed the cat should just stay where he was at for the cat, I believe it was in my daughter’s best interest to get the cat back. Will still had some compassion for her. My daughter’s mood improved drastically. We felt more secure about leaving Arabella at home without us to go on our annual sailing trip with friends. I was willing to stay back if I needed to. But after she got the cat back, I felt she was more stable.

While we were gone, I told Arabella I did not want her to bring any new friends we haven’t met to the house. After we got back, we met her first jail friend. This woman was rough. She told me she first got in trouble at age 14 when she stabbed her dad who was abusing her. She made it clear she did not kill him but that did not make me feel much better.

After she was released from juvie, she was homeless and lived on the streets. Although this woman was as small as a child of 10, I wouldn’t want to mess with her. She has the glean of insanity in her eyes along with a shaved head and multiple tattoos. I took an interest in her tattoos and asked her who the face belonged to of the person tattooed on her arm. She said it was a tattoo of Hannibal Lector. Sickening! Idolizing a sadistic serial killer. I didn’t know what to say. I was feeling more apprehensive by the minute. Only 24 with a decade in the system. I told her it was not too late to turn her life around. But who am I kidding, she doesn’t have much of a chance.

To think at one time I thought the psych ward friends were bad. However, the girl was over the top polite. Told me she protected my daughter from fights although she was over half her size. She helped my daughter unpack her belongings and was helpful. But she still made everyone uneasy because there was something not quite right about her. It was Labor Day. The weather was perfect for one last summer hurrah. My son had a couple friends over and so did we. My best friend brought her 13 year-old son who wanted to hang out with the girls. This really stressed me out. The girl was really sketchy and was wearing an ankle bracelet. Was she under house arrest? Was she breaking rules by being at our house? Would the police show up? Where they talking to my friend’s kid about jail or inappropriate topics?

Perhaps I made a mistake. But could I tell my daughter everyone can have friends over but you. Should we have new boundaries? No felons in the house? My daughter is facing 3 felony charges. Maybe we should have bailed her out of jail earlier. The should’ve would’ve started creeping in. We thought she would be a shoe in for mental health treatment court. No one lead us to believe otherwise, but we were wrong. We are treading in new waters once again. I wish someone would’ve wrote a book about what to expect when your kid gets out of jail.

My daughter told me her friend was on the bracelet for a DUI. But I don’t believe anything I hear anymore. I did a little investigative work on my own. The criminal records in our state are public record. My daughter’s friend has a long list of criminal records. She is 24 years old and most recently has drug charges involving meth and narcotics along with the DUI. She has battery charges as well. She has a history of being a violent felon with hard drug charges. I found out she is also a mother, but I am assuming her child has been taken from her.

What is my responsibility here? Will she introduce my daughter to hard drugs? Would I rather have her friend hang out here where I can keep an eye on things or have my daughter hang out with her wherever that may be? Our initial reaction was to kick her friend out. But she didn’t do anything wrong at our house as far as we could tell. As of right now, we are closely monitoring the situation. Arabella doesn’t make good choices and all her friends are pretty messed up. She just doesn’t attract the nice quiet church girls. Most of her friends make us uncomfortable. I knew this was going to happen, but I don’t have any good answers on what to do about it.