Bucket list

November happenings

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It’s hard to believe November is half over already. Soon we’ll be entering the holiday season and just like that another year will slip away.

Change seems to be the only thing that is consistent in my life.

Angel and Dan just bought a camper. Soon Dan’s job will be taking him to the East coast for half a year. Angel will be joining him and working remotely out of the camper. It’s going to be very strange without them living 20 minutes away. I’m going to miss them so much, but what a grand adventure.

Alex joined another band, a bigger name band that just released an album, and is possibly touring the West coast next summer. We went to see his band and for the first time we had to pay to watch him perform. The venue was crowded. It’s exciting to see where this new adventure might take him as well.

Arabella’s medication change is working out well for her. She is less like a zombie and more like the person we knew before. She is putting herself out there more and just recently started dating someone new. We met her new boyfriend already and so far so good.

My mom’s memory issues are getting worse and I was finally able to get her set up for a neuropsych eval for the end of February. I have been making a lot of phone calls lately regarding my mom and I’m hoping she can stumble along until then. I’m hoping to talk to my brothers over the holidays and come up with a plan. I don’t want to get stuck managing the care for both of my parents and disabled brother by myself.

Sometimes when life is hard, you just need to have a good laugh about it. One of my bucket list items is to do stand up comedy. I’ve been up on the stage for open mic several times now and it’s been so much fun. You’re never too old to try something new. I foresee a lot of adventures in the upcoming year!

My travel bucket list from 2010

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Back in 2008, Paul and I went on our first vacation after 10 years of marriage. Travelling wasn’t something we did in our childhoods. In fact, when we flew to Jamaica in 2008, it was Paul’s first time on an airplane. He was almost 40 years old. After that trip, we got the travel bug.

Some time after our first trip, I created a travel bucket list on a piece of paper written in pencil. I carried that little piece of paper in my purse for the next 15 years to remind myself of the goals I created. This is the year the list ends. I want to see how good I did on my goals.

2010: Utah We probably did go to Utah that year as the software platform we used for our business was located there and they started hosting user group meetings. We were one of the first users on the software. The first user group meeting only had about 10 to 15 people. By the time we sold our company, there were probably thousands of users. We went to Utah countless times mainly to Park City and Salt Lake City. We were able to wade in the waters of the Great Salt Lake and listen to the choir practice at the Mormon Tabernacle.

2011: Disney After the trip to Jamaica in 2008, we took the kids to Disney in 2009. We went to Disney twice after that, once with the kids and once without. In 2016, we took a family trip to Florida right before Angel graduated and visited some of the other parks.

2012: Wisconsin Dells (15th anniversary) This wasn’t a far trip to take so we’ve been there countless times.

2013: St. Lucia (Paul graduates earning his MBA). We went to St. Lucia and absolutely loved it. It’s the most beautiful place I have ever been to. I loved it so much that I recommended it to my daughter Angel and her husband who went there for their honeymoon.

2014: Mackinac Island (My 40th birthday) This is another one that isn’t too far away. It’s located in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan near the long bridge that connects upper Michigan to lower Michigan. Visiting the island is like going back in time. No cars are allowed on the island. The mode of travel is horses and bicycles. I haven’t been to the island for at least a decade. But I have been there several times and even stayed at the Grand Hotel.

2015: Mexico I haven’t visited Mexico yet.

2016: Yellowstone (Angel graduates from high school). I did check Yellowstone off my bucket list but not until many years later for our 25th anniversary. The exact day of our anniversary, we visited Old Faithful.

2017: Hawaii (20th anniversary) I just checked Hawaii off my travel bucket list this year.

2018: California (Paul’s 50th birthday) I did check this state off my bucket list. Paul and I went there for a conference and spent a couple more days afterwards site seeing. It was the first time I dipped my feet into the Pacific Ocean. We spent several days staying at a winery.

2019: Maine/Nova Scotia/Iceland (Alex graduates from high school) I checked Maine off my bucket list. Iceland is still high up on my list.

2020: New York City I checked this off my bucket list in 2012 going on a music trip through the high school with Angel and my mom. Angel sang a solo singing the song Popular from Wicked. It was one of the first times she performed a solo and I realized her talent and potential.

2021: (Arabella graduates from high school) Unfortunately this is no longer legible because it was written in pencil but I think it says Arizona. Paul and I travelled to Arizona for a conference and stayed a few extra days to visit the Grand Canyon. Or maybe it says Asia. We did go to Thailand.

2022: Europe I was supposed to go to Europe the summer of 2020 but I’m sure you can guess what happened with those plans. I am still planning on going sometime within the next year or so.

2023: Vegas I travelled to Vegas twice. The first time I went was 6 years ago with Angel for a music competition. I didn’t gamble at all. The second time I went with Paul and another couple and all we did was gamble.

2024: Alaska (My 50th birthday) I haven’t been there yet, but it is high up on my list. I checked 43 out of 50 states off my bucket list and 3 out of 7 continents. I visited the 50th state for my 50th year.

It seemed like when we first started to travel we didn’t have the extra time or money so I tried to plan trips around special occasions like milestone birthdays, anniversaries, or graduations. Now I try to travel as much as I can, at least once a year. I hope to cross off all the continents and states. Since I reached the end of time on my paper bucket list, I can retire my list. I plan on travelling for as long as I am able to.

Random thoughts on Hawaii

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  1. There is no quick and easy way to get to Hawaii. On the way, we tried to get the most direct flight possible. We flew from Chicago directly to Honolulu. It was a 9 1/2 hour flight. (We did see people before on a delayed flight we were on miss a connecting flight to Hawaii. They had to wait another full day at the airport).
  2. The original plan was that we would drive down to Chicago. Later we opted to add a flight to Chicago from our hometown. We left early enough in the morning that if for some reason we missed the flight and had to drive, we could still get there in time. (We had a snowstorm before that cancelled all flights and had to take a bus to get to the airport in Chicago).
  3. We went through a tour group and had some problems adding on the extra flight later. The tour group used our middle names to book and I didn’t so the flights did not link together. If you are going to add on later, use the exact name the tour group uses. Thankfully, we still got our luggage. But it added some confusion when we got to the airport.
  4. It took us 3 flights to get back home. We left Maui on an overnight flight. It is nearly impossible to get any sleep in an uncomfortable upright position with random babies crying. Again, going home didn’t matter as much as getting there. We were facing a 5 hour time change and expected to have jet lag.
  5. We went through Gate 1 tour company, which I’m glad we did. I think we were able to see a lot more of the highlights that way. The cost also included two flights between the islands. There really is no other way to island hop as there aren’t any ferries between the islands. I love to plan my own vacations, but I don’t think I would’ve been able to plan everything remotely as well as the tour company did.
  6. Honolulu is a large city full of skyscrapers. The city appeared to be clean but outdated. It seem old but not rundown. The residents seemed to live right on top of each other. Although this is not unusual for city life, what was unusual was seeing wild chickens running around.
  7. Hawaii is the rainbow state. I was excited to see a rainbow once we arrived. Even the license plates have rainbows on them. At home in Wisconsin, we see rainbows a couple times a year whereas they see rainbows a couple times a day.
  8. Honolulu didn’t have any billboard advertising.
  9. I love POG (passion-orange-guava) juice.
  10. Surprisingly I didn’t see a lot of fish on the menu. Most menus offered flatbread and burgers.
  11. The food prices were very high because most of their food is imported so there is a shipping fee.
  12. Why aren’t there lakes on islands?? Or at least I haven’t seen any.
  13. The landscape was very diverse. I heard you can ski on the water and snow covered mountains on the same day. Although I didn’t see any snow.
  14. Volcanos are different than I was expecting. It’s like a huge smoking crater in the ground.
  15. All the beaches are public. I was not as impressed with the beaches as I thought I would be. I think a sense of ownership would keep the beaches cleaner and keep the riffraff out (like the streaker who was rummaging through people’s belongings). All the beaches were crowded.
  16. Forget about enjoying an umbrella drink on the beach though because that was not allowed.
  17. Hawaii has legalized medical marijuana. There seemed to be quite a few sick people on the beach.
  18. Going to a luau is a great way to experience the culture.
  19. I felt a little trapped. Hawaii is in the middle of nowhere. What if a volcano blows? Or a tsunami sweeps in? Or there is another wildfire? I tried not to think about it too much, but I was a little nervous about what to do in an emergency. (This may or may not have something to do with the fire alarm going off in the middle of the first night. We got stuck in the stairwell trying to evacuate).
  20. I saw whales, mongooses, and cockroaches for the first time in the wild.
  21. I learned a lot about coffee from touring a Kona coffee plantation.
  22. I saw pineapple and papaya plants for the first time.
  23. I appreciate that Hawaii is a green state concerned about conservation and sustainability. They don’t use plastic bags and had alternatives to plastic water bottles.
  24. They sold reef safe sunscreen. I never knew that some of the chemicals in regular sunscreen could damage the reefs.
  25. The wildfires that happened last summer are still devastating the people of Maui. They have not been able to go back to their homes or land to clean up their property. There are many displaced people living in hotels, tiny communal shacks, or in tents along the beach.
  26. Hawaii has a rich history and was once ruled by kings and a queen.
  27. I was expecting to see gigantic waves with tons of surfers. I saw that in California more than in Hawaii.
  28. Hawaii is our 50th state and has only been a state for 65 years.
  29. Pearl Harbor is a must see.

Maui, Hawaii

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On Easter morning, we left Big Island and got on a 35 minute flight to Maui.

It didn’t feel like Easter. I wondered how things were going at home. Arabella was spending Easter weekend with my parents. Dan and Angel were spending the day with his parents. But as far as I knew, Alex and Lexi didn’t have anywhere to go. It’s complicated because Angel and Alex don’t want anything to do with my dad (rightfully so) and haven’t seen him in over 4 years.

Then I saw a picture of Alex and Lexi with Angel at her in-law’s house. I was overjoyed they weren’t forgotten. Angel’s mother-in-law even made little candy baskets for my kids and invited them over for their family Easter meal. It was kind of late in the trip, but I felt like everything was going to be alright at home.

It was strange travelling over Easter. The beaches were full, but were they full of locals on holiday or tourists like me? We had 20 people in our tour group when they usually have 40. We were the youngest couple in the group. Even our tour guide was in his 70’s. It was a good trip for him to get his feet wet though. Everyone got along with each other and were pleasant for his first tour.

On Easter evening, our tour group went to a luau. They had a pig roast buffet and free drinks. We watched the hula dancers perform to live music. The dancers weren’t unhealthily thin. They looked like average people. At the end we saw a fire dancer perform. I’m just shocked he didn’t burn the place down or start himself on fire. It was still incredibly windy and we were set up outside. The show was something new and interesting to experience of the Hawaiian culture.

I have to say I absolutely fell in love with Maui. In my mind I started to plan my son’s wedding so we could go back there and enjoy it once again. I know, I know…they aren’t even engaged yet.

The hotel we stayed at was right on the ocean with a sandy beach you could feast your eyes on for miles. There were mountains in the distance. The water was a clear, clean blue. The temperature was perfect. Almost everyone on the beach was a tourist staying in a chain of hotels. We spent two full days on the beach. One day we went snorkeling with sea turtles and saw tons of beautiful tropical fish. On our last day, we even saw a whale. Another first.

Again, the food was mediocre. Spam is a big thing in Hawaii, but you won’t find it on restaurant menus. In a convenience/souvenir shop, Paul found Spam sushi which was basically warm Spam on rice. I tried it and it was great. They didn’t have a lot of specialty drinks either. I did have a guava daiquiri. The flavor was good but it was more like a watery slushy instead of a refreshing cool drink. I did like the Lemongrass Luau beer, very flavorful.

One day we had lunch at the Maui Brewery. Although it was next to the beach, it was very separate from it. You couldn’t just slide in wearing beachwear. I bought a pint glass to bring home as a souvenir.

I saw some seriously disabled people at our hotel. People who had to be pushed around in wheelchairs. I thought it quite unusual until our tour guide said some of the displaced people were staying at hotels. The Maui fires really did a number on a large population of people. After the fire last August, the citizens have not been allowed to go back to their property. The clean up has been stalled and people are very upset about it. We saw encampments along the beach of displaced people living in tents. There was also a community of displaced people living in small construction type trailers so they could be close to work. I’m hoping the people who couldn’t stay in tents got first dibs on the hotel.

As we were leaving, the hotel manager gave us beaded leis and did a good-bye ceremony with us. She told us that not only did many people lose their homes, many lost their lives. She said the island was usually a cheerful place before the fires. But everyone on Maui was collectively mourning the loss of their loved ones or their homes along with everything they had in some way. She said since tourism is how they make a living, a lot of people had to go to work with a smile on their face when they were still mourning. Everything looks beautiful on the outside, but on the inside there is a lot of suffering there.

The people of Maui are strong and will get through this. They have had a tight knit sense of family and community for many generations. They have something special there from living in an isolated area geographically. It’s not as easy to pack everything up and leave.

Visiting Maui was the highlight of our trip to Hawaii.

The Big Island, Hawaii

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On Good Friday, after spending two full days in Honolulu, we took an early morning flight into Hilo on the Big Island. Hilo is located on the windward side of the island. When we arrived, it was windy and rainy. Our tour guide, who lives on this island, said it rains almost every day of the year. He, along with the other locals, collects the rainwater for use in his house.

Our big stop for the day was to visit the volcanoes. At the higher altitude the temps were cooler, in the mid 60’s. Along with the strong winds and rain, Paul and I decided to buy rain ponchos. The volcano wasn’t what I expected. It looked like a huge black smoking crater. The sky was hazy and the air smelled smoky like a campfire.

Volcano

We stopped at two places to see volcanos. The second place we stopped at was very windy and cool. We got stuck in a downpour so I didn’t take many pictures. We also stopped at the black sand beach. The beach was packed with people but it didn’t inspire me to go swimming since the water was filled with volcanic rocks.

We made a stop at a macadamia nut plantation. We were unable to take a tour, but we did sample macadamia nuts with different seasonings. We stopped for lunch at a botanical garden and took a tour of the grounds. It was peaceful and calming to see so many beautiful flowers. As we were walking, our guide showed us a large bell which people would ring with a large wooden beam for 7 years of good luck. At lunch our tour guide asked what we thought of the gardens. I said it was glorious except for one thing. No one was able to ring that bell. She asked if I wanted to ring the bell to which I responded yes. I figured I could use all the good luck I could get. So we went back and I rang the bell. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. At first I didn’t use enough force to ring it, then the second time I tried I think I used too much force. After ringing the bell, she said I needed to ring the bell two more times gently for prosperity and health. The next two times I think I rang the bell too gently as it barely tapped the bell. So far I haven’t really noticed a change in my luck. Maybe it takes awhile to kick in or someone has delayed the paperwork for my request.

After spending most the day on the windward side of the island, we headed to Kona on the leeward side of the island. As Hilo gets rain, Kona gets sunshine. When we got to Kona, however, the rain had followed us over. We ended up eating supper outside in the rain. I was surprised to feel a little chilly in Hawaii.

The following morning we took a tour of a Kona coffee plantation. We participated in coffee sampling then took a tour of the grounds. I really didn’t know so much went into making coffee. What a tedious process. The plantation tour guide was absolutely amazing. I wish I could explain everything like he did. The best I can do is show you some of the pictures I took. The coffee plantation tour was the highlight of my time on The Big Island.

Coffee plants

Our tour guide told us the island has a rat problem. Many years ago, the state brought in the mongoose to control the rat population. But there was a huge problem with this plan as the mongoose is diurnal and the rats are nocturnal. Should’ve used cats. I could’ve brought some with if I knew from the cat rescue I volunteer at. We saw several mongoose at the coffee plantation. I don’t know what I was thinking, but with the name mongoose I was thinking more along the lines of Canadian goose. But the mongoose reminded me of a gopher or ferret. They seemed to be quick runners.

Coffee plant ready to harvest

At the plantation I saw several things for the first time such as a papaya plant and a pineapple bush. I was thinking pineapples grew on small trees. I really love papaya which is something we can’t find at home. The tour guide gave me a papaya to take back to the hotel. We didn’t have any utensils or plates, nor could we find any. Paul used a coffee stirrer to cut it and found it to be overripe and mushy. We left it in our room but later found a garbage to dump it in because the last thing we wanted was giant rats or tropical bugs invading our room.

A baby pineapple

The rest of the afternoon we had free time. We walked to a local market to buy souvenirs. I bought some wild looking mushroom pants made by women in the ashram. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach. Our hotel had the most amazing beach. However, when I say ‘the hotel’ I say that loosely. All beaches in Hawaii are public along with this beach. This beach was sandy because they shipped sand into the beach. Again, the swimming area was rocky from the volcano. The beach was packed with people and the water was rather cool.

Again, there weren’t any tiki bars on the beach because alcohol was not allowed on the beach. We could buy drinks but we couldn’t enjoy them in our lounge chairs. We had to sit near the restaurant. While we were sitting by the restaurant, we heard a couple people start yelling. Apparently someone was rummaging through someone’s belongings which had us worried a little as we kept most of our items on the beach. Then I saw this guy stumble along the beach followed by hotel management. From what I could tell, this guy was naked. He left quickly with only a white hotel towel wrapped around his waist with a manager walking behind him. I felt bad for the hotel managers having to police a beach that anyone can use, or should I say misuse.

Again, the food on The Big Island was average. We decided to catch supper with another couple we met on the tour. We always have fun meeting new people and getting a fresh perspective on things. As we were walking back to the hotel after supper that evening, we walked by a restaurant we were thinking of going to. People were eating on a raised patio as we were walking by. The walkway was dark and I almost stepped on something. As I looked down, dozens of huge cockroaches scattered. I cried out. Paul asked me if I almost stepped on a frog. I told him I would tell him later as I didn’t want to freak out the people eating right above the place they crawled into.

I never saw cockroaches in the wild before. It totally creeped me out. I had a hard time sleeping that night because my mind was focused on bugs. Plus, we needed to get up early the next morning to fly to our last island destination in Hawaii.

Oahu, Hawaii

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Waikiki Beach

Paul and I flew into Honolulu directly from Chicago on a nine and a half hour flight. Surprisingly, the flights were all uneventful. Over the course of our trip, we had a total of seven flights. We were meeting with our tour group at a hotel in Honolulu a block from Waikiki Beach. We arrived late on a Tuesday afternoon tired from our travels. We grabbed a quick supper, met up with our tour guide, and took a short stroll on the beach. Waikiki Beach was busy and bustling with people. Skyscrapers lined the streets along the beach. We learned that all beaches in Hawaii are public. There weren’t any places along the beach you could walk up to and grab a drink. Alcohol was not permitted on the beach.

We went to bed around 9PM that first night which was 2 AM at home. Around midnight we were awoken by the sound of alarms going off and a booming voice over the loudspeaker to evacuate the hotel. We were half asleep as we grabbed something presentable to wear and groggily left the room. We were on the 12th floor and the stairwell was packed with hotel guests. The line moved slowly. If there was a fire, we would really be in trouble. In about 20 minutes, we made it down only five flights. No one took anything with them more than a phone. After we made it down to the 7th floor, someone yelled out that the alarm was cancelled. The alarms were still going off and people were getting upset and panicking. Someone yelled down and asked by whose authority was the alarm cancelled. Some people were still trying to get out of the building while others were trying to go back up to their rooms. It wasn’t until the alarms stopped ringing and a voice said over the loudspeaker that the alarm had been cancelled did everyone slowly make their way upstairs to their rooms.

We would’ve been really screwed if there was an actual emergency. There was no way everyone would’ve been able to get out because we were on a middle floor. Not to mention no one seemed to grab their id’s, medications, or extra clothing. Being a country girl, I was feeling a little trapped on the higher floors. But I was too tired to worry much about it.

The next morning we left the hotel early to do some sightseeing on the tour bus. Our main stop for the day was Pearl Harbor. There were a lot of exhibits to see. Paul had to check everything out, but I wasn’t feeling well. At home, I felt like my medications were finally right. But flying seemed to throw everything out of whack. I wasn’t sure I was going to take the ferry ride to the memorial site, but I’m glad I did.

The atmosphere at Pearl Harbor was quite somber. The guide said we should treat the memorial site respectfully like we were at a cemetery. We were to be quiet on the ferry and not use our phones except to take pictures. Afterwards we watched a short film about Pearl Harbor. I never really understood the magnitude of the destruction until I was there to see it. And I still cannot imagine what they went through.

The memorial stood over the place in the water where the U.S.S. Arizona sunk entombing hundreds of men.

The day after the Pearl Harbor tour, we had one more full day left in Oahu which we spent on Waikiki Beach. I had imagined it would be full of surfers riding huge waves, but it wasn’t like that. There were a few surfers but nothing like the 10 foot waves I was thinking I would see. Honolulu was a huge city. Its waters were filled with sailboats and cruise ships.

Waikiki beach at night

One thing we saw right away was a rainbow. We found out that Hawaii is the rainbow state. They have a rainbow on their license plate. We don’t see rainbows that often at home, but while we were in Hawaii we saw at least one rainbow every day.

Being a large city, one thing I found odd about Honolulu was that there were chickens running around everywhere. You could see them running wild on the side of the highway. They have a rather large population of wild chickens in the city. They also have wild boar on the island, but we certainly didn’t see any roaming around the city. Surprisingly the menus in most restaurants were very limited to burgers, pizza, and pork dishes.

Aloha!

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Paul and I just got back from our trip to Hawaii. Over the next several days I will be posting about our travels. I’m glad we were able to go. It was looking iffy about whether or not we would be able to go. Arabella was in crisis mode right before we left experiencing mania and psychosis. I felt like it would totally crush my spirit not being able to go. But I also felt guilty about leaving her. Some time there is not such a thing as good timing.

Paul and I worked hard to make the trip possible. We set up a meeting with a social worker who is working on getting Arabella a case manager. We had Alex and Lexi set up to watch over Arabella and our pets with Angel and Dan being the backup for them. Then we also had our best friends being backup for our adult children.

We were gone over Easter which was a different experience altogether. I felt a little bad for leaving over the holiday because I didn’t want Alex and Lexi to have nowhere to go. Arabella was spending the holiday weekend with my mom. Thankfully Angel’s in-laws invited Alex and Lexi over for dinner and even got them little baskets of candy. It warmed my heart to see them having a nice time without me.

I was worried about how things would go at home. But like most of my fears, the bad things I worried about didn’t end up happening. And the things that actually did happen were not expected. Such is life.

We ended up having a snowstorm at home while we were gone and the power was out for over a day. The power came back on in the wee hours of the morning right before we got home. Thankfully the refrigerator was pretty empty so we didn’t lose a lot of food. There are still some people without power from the storm. The yard is full of sticks and small branches from the strong winds which is really making the dogs happy.

Overall, though, everything went as good as it could. The medication is finally working and Arabella is no longer psychotic. She is doing so much better which is a great relief for us. We are slowly digging out of the pile of laundry, emails, and cleaning. The house is still standing.

We had a wonderful getaway.

Life as I know it

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Whew, it’s been awhile which hasn’t been my intention. I was meaning on writing earlier this week, but the dogs jumped the fence and ran away. I had to focus on the problem at hand instead. Thankfully Paul got tags for the dogs with their name along with our address and phone number. We received a phone call several hours after the escape from a farmer who had one of our dogs. Paul went over to pick him up and figured the other dog was nearby. The farmer lived along 150 wooded acres and took Paul with him on his 4-wheeler to search for an hour with no results.

Paul and I both spent a good portion of the day each driving around aimlessly searching, asking people we saw on the road, and driving with our windows down and heat up listening for the stray bark. I was searching for a good picture of our last missing dog, joining groups for missing pets, and just made a post as darkness was quickly approaching when the doorbell rang. Someone found our second dog walking on the road toward home several houses down. It was strange because when our second dog came home, the dogs snarled and fought with each other. Another crisis was averted, but the day was pretty much shot. On a good note, we were grateful to see the kindness of strangers.

Last week I had my follow up endoscopy and my doctor appointment this week. The good news is that my ulcer is gone, but my colitis is still here. They gave me another medicine to try and if things don’t get better in the next two weeks, they are going to put me on a medication for ulcerative colitis. So far no improvement. I’ve been gaining weight like crazy and nothing fits which has not been pleasant.

Arabella also had her doctor appointment and will need to get her tonsils out. The recovery period for her will be two weeks. A lot of people have been telling me it’s a hard surgery for adults. It will be nice to be able to mom her again though.

Yesterday my mom came over for a visit. This week my dad fell and my mom called 911. It took three men to be able to lift him up. My mom showed me pictures of his bruises from falling. She also showed me pictures of his bedsores. I think he needs to go into nursing care, or at the very least they should have a health care worker come out to the house. I told my mom that and asked her what she was planning on doing. I asked my mom several times, but she didn’t even acknowledge that I was speaking to her. She kept saying how hard her week has been and how she is having a hard time. She said she wasn’t invited to visit her sister down in Florida, although her other sister was invited.

I think something needs to be done. But my parents are still ‘competent’. Thankfully my brother Mark and his wife Carla will be visiting my parents this weekend. I’m hoping I can talk to them about the situation and try to get the ball rolling to come up with a plan. Otherwise, Paul and I will be going out to talk with them soon. But even that is complicated with Arabella’s surgery coming up and Paul possibly being out of town for a business trip. Not to mention that my parent’s are the guardian of my disabled brother. It’s just one big mess.

But other than all that, things are going fairly good. I am almost finished with my memoir. I’m planning on getting a couple more tattoos. Next month Paul and I have a trip planned to Hawaii and I’m getting close to crossing off visiting all 50 states off my bucket list. I am happy where I am at in life. Things aren’t perfect, such as with my own health struggles, but I’m adjusting. For the time being, I am not in crisis mode and I’m going to enjoy it as long as it lasts.

The darkest day of the year

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It’s been unseasonably warm here in Wisconsin. It looks like we will set an all time high record on Christmas day. No white Christmas for us this year. We barely had any snow fall yet. It doesn’t feel like Christmas is just a few days away.

Today on the darkest day of the year, I always think of my great-uncle Harold. He would’ve been 98 years old today. Every year on his birthday we would go to his house and celebrate with him. There would be steaks and pineapple upside down cake. Aunt Grace would serve food on the multi-colored Fiesta plates, the only day of the year they would leave the pantry. It was one of the few days we saw Harold laugh and tell stories. Most of the time, he was next door working on cars at the family business.

Harold died unexpectedly the year Paul and I got married. I remember the last time I saw him. Paul and I were visiting my family to tell them the exciting news we were going to have our first child. We were able to tell everyone except Uncle Harold. He was outside working on a car while talking to clients. We didn’t want to interrupt him so we asked Aunt Grace if she could share the news. That was the last time I saw him alive.

We never really know how much time someone has left. If I knew, maybe I would’ve waited longer to talk to Harold. I think that is where a lot of my irrational guilt kicks in. If I’d only known, I could’ve done something different. I’m starting to let go of things, but it takes time to process. I couldn’t prevent the suffering of the people I care about and that hurts.

I tried reaching out to our previous employee today. But it was too little too late. I haven’t seen her for 5 years and I thought I could do something to prevent her from struggling with addiction, from committing a crime, and even from the attempt I think she tried to make on her own life? I want to help people. I want to fix them but I can’t. It’s as if I am wanting to play God and even He does not step in to keep people from physically dying and making their own choices.

I am feeling a lot better today. I wasn’t feeling the greatest yesterday, but I decided to volunteer yesterday and I’m glad I did. For awhile I forgot about my own pain. I spent a half an hour holding the baby of a homeless teen mom. He brought me joy as I held him and made him laugh. The mom needed clothes for her kids and was on her last diaper. She is a single mom living in her car with a two-year old and a baby. We had a record number of people who came in needing help yesterday.

Yesterday we had a new woman sign up for help from Africa. She is a single parent who recently came to America. She doesn’t speak any English and has zero education. She lives in a bad neighborhood. What really struck me was that there were several women from the same community that only speak Swahili. They are all parents between the ages of 20-25, the ages of my own children. I can’t even imagine what that must be like and to have absolutely no education. There is a language barrier with a lot of families that come in. It’s my goal this new year to become fluent in at least one other language starting with Spanish because I do know a little from high school, like way back from the last century.

There was a woman who came in that got arrested last week for child abuse. Ever since my own daughter was arrested, it’s really changed my view of criminals. Offering to help someone in need does not equate with me agreeing with the choices they make. They are people too. I am not afraid of them as much anymore. But that doesn’t mean I would walk down an alley by myself at night in a bad neighborhood.

Then there was the lady who stayed at the domestic abuse house. There was the lady that didn’t know she was pregnant with twins until two months before they were born. The people who reek of alcohol, cigarettes, and weed. The mentally ill. The intellectually challenged. Those who are going back to school to try to build a better life. The grandparents raising grandchildren.

I can’t go back and change anything in the past. But I can move forward and help people today.

The places I volunteer at are really hurting for volunteers over the holidays. So I decided to sign up at the places the next two days. Tomorrow helping families in need and Saturday at the cat sanctuary. I almost enjoy holding the cats as much as I enjoy holding babies. I especially love the feral cats or the cats that don’t warm up well to other people.

Maybe I can do some good to negate some of the bad in the world.

What’s happening – 11/15/23 (Legacy)

/ Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

Today we enjoyed an unseasonably warm fall day to take the puppies for a walk. This morning I had my lab appointment for a blood draw for my annual physical tomorrow. I’m not expecting any surprises. The pool guys also came out this morning to check out the problem with the hot tub. They couldn’t do diagnostics on the problem because our equipment is 30 years old. We will most likely have to update the control panel which now controls everything including the lights and audio system from a cell phone. Right now the sound system is ancient and works erratically. Half the lights are burnt out. We have some really nice outdated and expensive to update equipment. Yeah!

Several days ago, Arabella woke us up in the middle of the night knocking on our bedroom door. One of the switches broke in the bathroom she uses. When she flipped the switch, the bathroom fan did not go off, and smoke started coming out of the switch. We had another switch a couple years back that burned the plastic and a kitchen light that continuously flickers like a strobe light. I’m not sure about the wiring in this house. I really wish I would’ve seen our house in its youth.

Last week my therapist said I was starting my second half of life. Much like my house, I still wish I was in my glory days. I got old too fast. I never pictured myself being old. Why is it when you are going through something, you think it will always be that way? I always imagined myself remaining young and healthy. I never thought my vision and hearing would start to go.

I took good care of myself and never thought my health would decline as much as it did. I thought I would be running forever. I never thought my brawn would be gone. When things I used to do with ease now take so much energy I don’t seem to have.

Once voted by my senior class to most likely be a supermodel, I never thought my beauty would fade. I never thought my figure would slip. Yesterday I was talking to someone close to my age asking if I remembered when I was skinny but thought I was fat. Back when I was so self-conscious of my body not realizing I was going through the best looking years of my life.

Reminiscing about rotary phones because they worked so much better. Remembering the phone number of a relative that died 20 years ago but not knowing my kid’s cell numbers. Remembering trips to the library to glean every little bit of knowledge. Thinking useless thoughts like remembering when stores announced over the speakers that so and so with license plate number XXX-XXXX left their lights on. Complaining about how easy kids nowadays have it. Wanting to sit while the younger folks stand. Wishing I could just hold a baby in my arms again.

As I feel the end of autumn approaching, I know I’ve had my years in the sun. I was once young and beautiful. I went to college and had a career. I raised my children. I accomplished the goals I set out to do, such as run a marathon. A lot of things already happened in my life, some of my choosing and some just the twists and turns of life.

Now I have wisdom and experience. My therapist also said I have time and financial security, something I didn’t have a lot of before. Then I had responsibilities. Now I just have to worry about me. The second half of life doesn’t have to be the same as the first half of life to be fulfilling. Like my husband said, I don’t have to climb the mountain to see the mountain. Although there is sadness leaving behind the younger me, I can’t stay stuck in the past. Just my personality, I love thinking about the past and following traditions.

This past week my husband said not to focus too much on the past but now is the time to think of the legacy I want to leave. I think his words were very inspirational to me. What do I want to pass on to future generations?

This afternoon Angel and Dan returned home from their 1st anniversary trip to St. Lucia. I suggested the location and gave them advice on where to go and what to do. My husband and I visited the beautiful island 10 years ago. It was amazing to see their photos from some of the same locations we had photos taken. At age 25, they look so young, vibrant, and full of life. It felt good to help guide them using my experiences. Angel is also planning on running her first marathon next year. It feels wonderful that she is following in my foot steps.

This week I’m thinking how I can do my part to leave this world a better place by leaving a legacy worth passing down.