- Summer, even with a twinge of autumn in the air.
- Planning a trip this fall that would check another state off my bucket list.
- Going out to eat with friends.
- Spending the weekend with my friend Jen and our husbands at their cabin in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We haven’t been up to their cabin for 10 years. (They have a cabin journal from then so it’s verified, I updated it with a new entry of our trip adventures). Honestly, we didn’t do that much. The weather was cool and rainy so the guys went fishing while we lounged around and chatted.
- Our house is still standing. After we left there was a torrential downpour and flooding downstairs in our house. Thankfully my son and his girlfriend were around to clean up the mess.
- Sleeping in my own bed. I’m going to be home for awhile and it’s nice to be home.
- My daughter’s future MIL is helping me host a bridal shower for my daughter at my house this weekend. I’m grateful I don’t have to do everything by myself.
- My friend Jen has lived a lot longer with cancer than her doctor thought she would. I’m grateful for the time I got to spend with her, because who knows…
Life
Gratitude week 136
- Summer!
- I checked Montana off my bucket list. Nine states left to go and I’m planning on crossing off another state in a couple months.
- My new phone takes amazing pictures which I am hoping to share with you this week.
- I love to travel but nothing beats sleeping at home in my own bed.
- Visiting Yellowstone.
- Getting caught up on my long to do list after getting back home.
- Uneventful flights.
- Being married to a wonderful guy for 25 years.
- Having a husband who is as adventurous as I am and likes to travel.
- The house was still standing when we got back home.
Gratitude week 134
- My son helped me make a beat and that was fun.
- We finally finished our landscaping project we did ourselves and it cost about a quarter of the price we were quoted.
- Summer! It’s been a hot week.
- Angel turned 24 this past week. Paul and I took Dan and Angel sailing for her birthday. We had a lot of fun.
- Angel had her bachelorette party up north this past weekend. Nobody got too crazy and it was a really good time. We went swimming, walked to get ice cream, went out to eat at a supper club with live music, and played games. I got to know some of her friends better.
- The heat wave is finally over and we are back to opening the windows to enjoy the fresh air.
- The wedding shower has been planned and the invites have been sent out in the mail.
- Paul and I are leaving for vacation in a couple of days for our 25th wedding anniversary. I’m excited to check off a couple more states on my bucket list.
- It’s been stressful week, but I think most of the issues have been resolved for now.
Not seeing the sense
When will the insanity end I wonder.
Earlier this week, I took my mom to an eye doctor appointment. She needed someone with her because she was going to have her eyes dilated and needed a ride home. Once we arrived at the eye clinic, we found out the waiting room was closed to everyone because of COVID. We were given what looked like a restaurant pager and were told to wait in our car until it went off which it did 20 minutes after her scheduled appointment time.
By the time the buzzer went off I was really quite worked up about the whole situation. It was 90 degrees outside, very hot and humid. Next to us was a mom sitting in an older minivan with the windows open and car off. Inside I assume was her elderly mother, a 6 year old, a 3 year old, and a baby in a car seat. The 3 year old was having a total screaming at the top of his lungs meltdown. They looked absolutely miserable.
I was angry the clinic subjected all those people to their hot vehicles versus sitting in an air conditioned waiting room socially distanced dousing on the hand sanitizer donning masks. There wasn’t even an area they could sit outside to wait. How is this helping things?? Having people sit in hot cars to wait without A/C is now apparently saving lives. Hello heatstroke. My gosh, just imagine if someone left a dog sitting outside in a vehicle. They could’ve at least told us to expect that. I brought along a book to read in the waiting room. But instead of waiting in my mom’s car I drove to a store and walked around to get out of the heat. I picked up my mom an hour and a half after I arrived there. I couldn’t justify sitting in the car with it running for that long.
Right before the buzzer went off, my mom had to go to the bathroom. I don’t even know if they would’ve let her in to do that. I was lucky though. It was easy for me to just leave. I couldn’t imagine taking my elderly mom and three little kids. No doubt, I would’ve complained over how idiotic it seemed. It was the eye doctor, not a hospital full of sick people. But it was okay to sit with my daughter in a crowded ER with sick people a couple months ago??
I don’t see how any of this makes sense.
Gratitude week 133
- I changed my cartilage piercing for the first time in two and a half years with no issues, no swelling, and no bleeding like the last time…so after 8 years I think it finally healed.
- Fresh picked cherries and my husband made cherry pie for the first time.
- Summer!
- My birthday week…seriously, I’m all birthdayed out.
- Sailing on my birthday and staying overnight on the boat with Alex and Lexi. It was Lexi’s first time sailing plus her birthday was the day after mine…so lots of celebrating.
- Celebrating my birthday with friends and family over the weekend.
- Going out for lunch and getting a massage with my mom for my birthday today.
- My good friend Lisa quit drinking. I’m happy she is making a healthy choice and is taking care of herself. She is a friend I really worry about especially the last couple years after her teenage daughter died.
- I’m always grateful to be home and sleeping in my own bed.
Up north upset
Why does there always have to be drama with my family??
It started already before we even got up north. I invited my kids and their significant others up north for the fourth. They all said yes. It’s been a family tradition for decades and this was the first time in a long time that all the kids could go. Paul had to work all day Friday. Originally we weren’t going to go up Friday at all, but two out of three of our kids wanted to go up then.
We weren’t going to be getting up north until late. This presented a problem with supper. I was going to be bringing up all of our food and we weren’t going to be up their until at least 8 PM. Dan and Angel and Alex and Lexi were going to be riding up together on motorcycles. They wanted to leave earlier to make sure they were up there before it got dark and had limited room to bring along food. I asked my mom if she had something they could eat when they got there. But she told me they should stop at a bar. Then she said she bought 4 bags of cheese curds for my brother Mark. I was puzzled by our conversation and thought my mom was acting strange. I was also annoyed and wished I had a parent who liked to provide food for her family.
I decided just to make supper for everyone at home last minute. By the time we got up north it was after 8 and my mom was ready to go to bed shortly thereafter. Everyone up there (my mom, my brother Mark, his wife Carla, and brother Matt) was ready for bed at 9. So we moved outside to start a fire and watch the fireworks about ready to start. Mark did not talk to me. My SIL Carla yelled at me to move the motorcycle helmets off the table. That was about it. I felt like they were avoiding us.
During the fire, I found out Mark and Carla were rude to Lexi before Paul and I got up there. My mom asked Mark and Carla if they met Lexi. After being prompted several times, Mark grouchily said yes and walked away. My kids said they did not feel welcomed and that hurt me deeply.
It all started a couple years ago when my mom sent their laptop for Dan to fix and remove pictures from. Dan and Angel found child porn on the computer and took it to the police. That night up north Dan told me he did not feel welcomed by my family. He said it was all his fault too. I gave Dan a hug and told him I was happy he was there and he is not to blame for what my dad did. But Mark and Carla apparently do not feel that way. They treat my dad like the victim and Angel and Dan like they are to blame.
I awoke very early the next morning thinking about telling Carla off. I wanted to tell her about how my dad was abusive towards us when we were kids. I wanted to tell her I couldn’t count on one hand any good memories I had with my dad. I wanted to tell her that he was never nice to my kids, quite the opposite in fact. I wanted to tell her all these things, but didn’t. Maybe things would be different if he was a loving father and grandfather who struggled with addiction.
Instead that morning, Mark, Carla, and my mom went to rummage sales. Carla whipped the car keys at my brother Mark, then yelled at him when he didn’t catch them. I can’t stand how mean she is to my brother, but I’m not sure there is anything I can do about it. Thankfully I see them only a couple times per year.
Also, that morning, my son got ice out of the freezer for his water. Apparently it was Carla’s ice. She yelled at my son saying it wasn’t community ice. My son apologized and said he would buy her some more ice. I wasn’t quite so patient. I yelled as they were going out the door that it was just fucking ice. Later that day they left to go spend time with my dad. The whole experience left me angry, anxious, and depressed for almost a whole week afterwards. I can’t stand when my kids are mistreated for something they didn’t even do wrong. My daughter is getting married in less than 3 months and I don’t even want to invite half of the family I am inviting to the wedding.
Other than that, my kids and their significant others all got along marvelously. It was close to miraculous. I wish I could just focus on that and let the bad slip away. I really have to examine how much time I want to spend with my extended family if they are going to upset me so much.
Gratitude week 132
- Lists, I really like lists.
- Summer!!!
- For the weekend spent on our sailboat.
- I’ve been wanting to go on a jet ski ride for the longest time. I was finally able to check that off my bucket list.
- Our hot tub finally got fixed today! It hasn’t been working for almost two months. It seemed to take forever to get the part we needed to fix it.
- Last week was really hard after spending time with the extended family. I am doing a lot better this week so far…
- It’s my birthday week. I’m grateful for another year of life and am looking forward to celebrating.
- Being back home and sleeping in my own bed after being away for a couple of days.
- Justice! I was running some errands today and I was being tailgated bad. I’ve never wanted to brake check someone more. The guy whizzed by me as fast as he could when he got the chance then got pulled over. It made my day.
- Wildlife. We have been seeing a lot of deer in our yard. We also saw several eagles on our sailing trip and mink with their babies.
Gratitude week 131
- A nice day sailing with my mom, Arabella, and her boyfriend.
- I docked the boat into the slip by myself for the first time.
- Lexi and I went thrifting and I had some really good finds. Two murder mystery games, two books, some clothes, and a variety of records from Billy Idol to organ music by Bach.
- I may have the opportunity to check another state off my bucket list this fall so I’m starting to plan and think about it.
- Fresh picked strawberries.
- Going out to eat and visiting with my friend Jen.
- Summer! This is my favorite time of year!!
- 1200 followers.
- Independence Day! I love freedom and fireworks!
- For two nights of seeing fireworks on the lake and a night of fireworks with friends.
- I’m grateful all my kids came up north a couple of days. They all got along really well and had a lot of fun. It wasn’t quite the case with the extended family, but I’ll save that story for another day.
If…question 1
A month ago I was seeking a book of questions for blogging ideas at a garage sale and shockingly I found one. The book is called If…1&2 (Questions for the Game of Life) by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell. It contains hundreds of questions and I hope to answer them.
- If you were to be granted one wish, what would it be?
Aside from wishing for a million more wishes, I would wish to live in an utopian world where everyone lives together in mutual respect, peace, and harmony.
I want to live in a world where countries are not at war with other countries.
I want to live in a world where people are helpful and kind towards the needs of others.
I don’t want to live in a world where I am right and you are wrong or you are right and I am wrong constantly yelling louder instead of showing respect for our diversity.
I want a Facebook where I can look at cute kittens and never see fights about politics or religion. I should follow the ethics of my chosen beliefs and so should you. Differences are met with listening, understanding, and respect. No one really wants a world where everyone looks the same, thinks the same, and is just like everyone else anyway.
I want to live in a world of justice, fairness, and equality. No one is bullied and no one gets special treatment. Violence is not tolerated and everyone speaks quietly.
I want a world where family is not fighting against family. A world where marriages last and children born are wanted and raised in loving homes. No selfishness and no sibling rivalry. Grandparents are good role models.
I want a world where authority is respected, laws are followed, and there is a sense of order without corruption, abuse of power, or cumbersome useless rules.
I want a world where elders are respected and worth respecting. The young not harshly judged for their immaturity, foolishness, and inexperience by older folks who have long ago learned those lessons.
Yeah, I know, it’s starting to sound a bit like a Beatles song.
Gratitude week 130
- My daughter’s future MIL and I got together to plan the bridal shower and the meeting went better than expected.
- The bridesmaid dresses came in for my daughter’s wedding. It’s hard to believe the wedding is a little over three months away.
- Summer! We had a couple of really hot days, so I did break down and turn on the A/C. It’s cooled off quite a bit since then so today the windows are open.
- Paul and I went sailing and the weather was perfect. We were able to spend some time at the marina’s outdoor swimming pool.
- At the marina, I found a book I really wanted to read and finished my book so I swapped them out.
- Yesterday I attended the graduation party for my friend Lisa’s son. We are all grateful he graduated since it was down to the wire. I know how stressful that can be.
- I’m grateful to sleep in my own bed. Lisa said I could spend the night but I decided to drive home instead which meant 4 hours of driving. They were having a lot of people stay over and I have a hard enough time sleeping in my own bed medicated. Maybe it’s a PTSD thing, but if there are other people around I can’t fall asleep. I usually have to be the last person to bed and the first one up which is really hard on me.
- There was a time when I wouldn’t even consider driving four hours by myself. I’m grateful my driving anxiety is pretty much gone. Lately I’ve even been able to drive over tall bridges. These are things I’ve really struggled with off and on over the years. My dad would terrorize us when he was driving us as a kid and I carried that over way too long into my adult life.
- Life in general.
- After our power went out our refrigerator started making this really annoying high pitch shrieking cricket chirping sound. It was driving me crazier than I already am. The funny thing is the younger the person was the more irritating the sound was. Sometimes I couldn’t hear it, but my kids could. Or sometimes I could hear it and my husband couldn’t. The refrigerator also got really hot to the touch in certain areas. There was a problem with the fan and I’m grateful Paul was able to fix it.
Outrunning my demons 