What’s happening this week-10/19/23

Fall has arrived and the sailing season is officially over. I’m sad to see summer go, but I’ve adjusted to this expected change. The leaves changed color and most trees have passed their peak but it’s still incredibly beautiful. It’s dark when I wake up and in the evening while I’m making supper. I’m not sure how my body knows when it’s morning.

Arabella’s jail friend with the Hannibal Lector tattoo is back in jail and will probably be in there for a long time. We don’t have to worry about that for awhile. She was respectful to us, but she was really rough and we were fearful of her as she was convicted of violent and drug related crimes. The other day Paul and I were watching the news and saw a guard was assaulted at the jail and we were waiting for the pronoun to see if it could be Arabella’s friend.

Arabella is doing alright. She was upset with me this week. I went to get more of her things from Will at their old apartment. She still is in love with him and wanted me to deliver messages to him from her which I refused to do. She has a no contact order for another two years and I am not going to be the in between. She said she was going to go over to the apartment to ask him if he still loves her. But after an hour and a long conversation with Paul, she settled down.

The probation officer visited our house. Apparently he had to create a layout of our house in case the SWAT team ever has to come. He also had to make sure we didn’t have a meth lab or had any prisoners in our house. I’m not sure what he meant by prisoners. If we were harboring a prisoner or if we had someone chained up in our house.

Last week I caught Arabella smoking weed. I keep telling her that I’m sure absolute sobriety will be a part of her probation. But she said it wouldn’t be because her crime was not drug or alcohol related. I asked her if she wanted to take the chance of going back to jail and being a convicted felon at 20. She doesn’t listen. I’ve done my part at preaching to her. She didn’t get into the mess she was in by making good decisions. Now it’s up to her and I have to let it go.

Otherwise, I’m right where I want to be in my life right now. This is the time of year to get back into writing more. I’m working very part-time for my husband’s business. I volunteer once a week at the animal shelter and at a faith based organization that gives out diapers and clothing to families in need.

Last week at the organization that helps families in need, there was a new person helping out. She told us all 4 of her kids are in the ministry. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way because it came across as bragging and being better than everyone else. I was tempted to say that my two oldest kids are musicians and my youngest is unemployed, living in our basement, and on probation. Thankfully Arabella has had a couple job interviews and more set up.

I felt like I couldn’t relate to this woman. But I had to change the way I viewed things. Paul and I can relate more to the people who come in that are struggling. We know what it’s like to have a kid in jail. We know what it’s like to deal with family who are mentally ill and struggling with addiction. My husband grew up in a home with an uneducated single teen parent. He knows what it is like to live in low income housing in poverty. We know what it is like to raise children without a lot of family support. We can use all of our life experiences to help others who are going through it because we’ve been there.

This weekend we have an out of town wedding, a Halloween costume party, and our son will be playing with his band. It should be a fun weekend.

What’s happening this week-10/12/23

Within a matter of a week, it went from summer to winter. No snow flurries yet, but it’s windy and cool. Yesterday I dragged out the bin of winter clothes. We didn’t turn on the heat yet though.

On Tuesday morning I went in for my colonoscopy and endoscopy. I opted to go the pill route versus drinking the awful solution which meant I had to start with a special diet on Saturday. Then on Monday at 5 PM I had to take a dozen pills and then another dozen at 3 AM. I pretty much stayed up most of the night and felt like crap. I did nod off to sleep for a little bit, then jumped up freaking out that I missed the second dose oversleeping the alarm I set. Let’s just say, I’m glad that is over.

Things have been stressful with the adoption of three new pets. It’s been an adjustment. The cats get along amazingly, even better than I anticipated, which is great. But the dogs are still having a hard time acclimating to the cats. They want to bark and chase. We put up a couple baby gates. It’s getting better, but the dogs are a lot of work and at times it seems impossible to get anything done within the timeframe I planned for.

I feel lowkey sad. I’m not sure why. I think it has to do with the changing of the seasons. Everything has been going fine. Dan and Angel are doing great. My son got his car back from the garage and hopefully will be getting the inspection soon so he doesn’t have to borrow my car. Arabella is doing good. She had a job interview today for a server position. I’m glad she is starting to look for work. I think it is going to be a lot harder for her to find a job now. Next week her probation officer wants to come to the house. I’m sure they can understand more after doing a home visit. Paul and I were instructed to not ask him a whole bunch of questions.

Really not a lot going on like the last couple of weeks. I will post some animal pictures soon.

How is it October already??!?

I can’t believe it’s October already. It’s time to get back to writing more often again. Today ushered the end of the warm summer days. We covered our pool. It’s always such a difficult time of year knowing there will be many dark days ahead. I do love fall though. It is my second favorite season after summer.

This week the adoption papers went through for my shelter cat and right now he is sitting on my lap helping me type these words. He is such a lovey dove. I promise I will show you pictures very soon of my new pets. But right now we are trying very hard to get them used to each other without any big fights. No easy task which tries our patience.

We had some record high temps in the last couple of days. I did my best to try to get outside and enjoy them. Paul had a great birthday party last weekend. The weather was absolutely unbelievably perfect. Everything went great. We had a fire in the evening and the band played for a long time. We had a lot of good food. I did all the cleaning and cooking. But this time if people offered to help by bringing food, I let them. Even Paul’s stepdad brought a camper and parked it in our yard reminiscent of cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon’s. It’s really not a party until someone shows up with a camper.

Although, we did get some bad news. My friend Lisa tried killing herself. Her husband, who was working out of town, thought something was up and had the police check on her. By the time they got there, Lisa was unconscious and had to be airlifted to the hospital. They put her on a ventilator. This wasn’t her first attempt and I am very afraid for her. She had a very traumatic upbringing and experienced a tremendous amount of loss. She never got past the grief of the death of her daughter in a car accident.

When Lisa showed up at the party, she told me about how she was just released from the hospital. She looked terrible. I’ve never seen her so rough before. She had too much to drink. I really wish I could do something, anything, to help her. But through my own life experiences, I found there is nothing I can really do. I don’t have any control over it. I wish I did. Lisa is one of my best friends and if something happened to her I would be devastated.

Life otherwise has been busy but rather quiet. Just feeling worry about my friend…worry about the pets getting along with each other…the letdown after the big party…the end of summer…

One thing is constant and that is change. My son’s roommate moved out. Our neighbors are moving. I feel pretty neutral about it. The uncertainty comes with who is going to move in. Everything went good with them until they had a baby. Honestly, I think the guy is pretty embarrassed he yelled at my son and his friends for lighting off fireworks on the 4th. He lost his cool and I don’t think that happens often. He works for the foster care program and he was out yelling at some kids.

We finally met our other neighbors. They seem pretty chill. I told them we got two Beagles. They told us they have 10 free range chickens. What could possibly go wrong?? They also said if something happens to their chickens they wouldn’t be upset with us.

That’s about it. I don’t have big plans for the weekend besides preparing for my colonoscopy early next week. Sounds like a good time. Not!

Adjusting

It’s been a week since we brought the puppies home and what a week it’s been. Overall, things have been going well with some setbacks along the way. We weren’t really planning on getting puppies quite this soon, but here we are with two purebred beagles who are a year old. The owner was an older man who could no longer take care of his property and needed to sell to move into an apartment. He couldn’t take his dogs with and didn’t want to separate them. He was desperate because he was moving in a week and couldn’t find a home for his dogs. So he gave us the dogs and all of their supplies for $100.

For the first couple of nights, the dogs barely slept at all. They had accidents in the house. They never saw a cat before which probably has been the most difficult adjustment of all. In the meantime, we had our home visit for the cat we are in the process of adopting. I was worried they wouldn’t want us to adopt anymore because of the dogs and my daughter living at home with a criminal record. They were afraid we didn’t want the cat anymore because we had the dogs. It’s interesting how our fears change based on the perspective we are looking in from.

Arabella had her first visit with her probation officer this week. According to her, everything went well. We haven’t had any big glaring issues yet.

My son’s car is getting fixed and had nothing to do with the accident he was in. I’m not sure why I have so many irrational fears about vehicles not working. Maybe it just has something to do with the lack of control and knowledge.

My daughter Angel and her husband will be celebrating one year of marriage already this weekend. Everything is going great so far. They just planned an anniversary honeymoon in St. Lucia. I am excited for them.

My appointment with the GI physician assistant went well. I had a couple of tests done and will be getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy done at the same time in a week and a half. I really like the PA but dislike the GI doctor. It might take some more time, but I should have a lot of answers in the next couple weeks.

My husband turned 55 this week. I will be throwing a birthday bash for him this weekend. My son and his band will be playing. I am a little nervous about how the party is going to work out especially with the dogs running around. Then there are the normal worries if I will have enough food and beverages here for everyone. I cleaned the house today and will be starting with the cooking tomorrow. It’s a lot of work but I like hosting parties and don’t mind doing all the clean up afterwards.

There has been a lot going on. I feel like I’m going through a big adjustment period right now.

The happenings of this week…

It’s been a crazy week to say the least. Arabella had her final (hopefully) court date. Of her three felonies; one has been dismissed, one has been reduced to a misdemeanor, and the last one will be dismissed if she successfully completes two years of probation. After court, we walked over to the probation office to sign her up. She was in an upbeat and bubbly mood talking to everyone who came her way. Before court, I took her in for a haircut. She told her hairdresser she wanted to look good for court. Never a dull moment. Then we bought some nice shoes so she didn’t have to wear crocs to court.

The day before court, Paul and I went to a volunteer appreciation banquet. While we were there, a woman I volunteer with came up to me out of the blue and asked me if I was interested in adopting two beagles. The strange thing is that Paul and I were going to start a search within the next week or so for two beagles. The owner is an elderly man who is moving next week from a house to an apartment where he cannot take his dogs. He was getting desperate to find a good home for the pups where they wouldn’t be separated from each other. We set up a time tomorrow to meet the puppies and bring them back home with us.

I also set up a time to have a home visit for the cat I put adoption papers in for. I cannot believe that within a week or so I might have 3 new pets. I am very anxious about tomorrow to meet the puppies. I also have a doctor’s appointment with the GI doctor and I’m afraid it’s not going to go very well. I think maybe I have an ulcer as I have been sick for 3 months with stomach pain. It could be colitis again but it seems different this time. I’m not sure what is going to happen but it probably involves a lot more testing.

Along with all of that, I set up an appointment for my son’s car tomorrow. Just a quick recap. Alex got the car in November and it was totaled on Christmas Eve after someone blew a red light and smashed into it. The next couple months after that were spent fixing and rebuilding the car. Now the car is running rough and doesn’t have any pick up when you hit the gas pedal. Hopefully it is not a big deal and can be fixed affordably. But my worry is that the crash did something internally as well. My son has been borrowing my car and that hasn’t been working all that well because sometimes I need it. He decided to go back to school which I am very happy about, but he needs transportation beyond my car.

Being in the accident changed my son. Now he wears his seatbelt which he refused to do before. He always said if he saw he was going to be in an accident he would slip it on real quick. You can imagine how that worked out for him. At least no one got hurt. The other thing, he is no longer interested in riding a motorcycle because he thinks it is too dangerous. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t end up getting my motorcycle license. He is planning on fixing up his motorcycle and selling it.

I am hoping Arabella learned some good lessons from her experience with the criminal justice system. Time will tell on that one. I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life being a pet mom again. I am hoping they will bring our household happiness and joy. As with most new adventures, it will be an adjustment.

A lull in the storm

The last couple of days have been the lull in life’s storms. Things are going pretty good and everyone seems to be getting along alright. Arabella for the time being seems to be fairly stable.

I have been keeping busy trying to find what brings me peace and joy. I started volunteering this week for a new organization, a sanctuary for rescue cats. Yesterday I put in an adoption application for a cat rescued from a hoarding situation. He came from a house with 88 cats.

I am hoping he does well with Arabella’s cat. But if he survived in a house with 88 cats, I’m sure he can survive in a house with one temperamental cat. There is so much information available now online on the best ways to introduce animals to each other. Before the internet, we just threw them together and hoped for the best.

Paul is thinking of getting a dog maybe within the next month. Although pets can be a lot of work, they also bring a lot of joy. We haven’t had a dog since ours passed away almost 2 years ago. We didn’t think a puppy would work well with our geriatric cat. But now our cat has been gone for a month already. Then a week later my daughter’s cat moved in. I really realized how much I enjoy having pets. That’s something I’ve been examining when I think about ways to reduce my stress.

I’ve also been saying no to things I might find stressful. I said no to going up to the cabin for Labor Day weekend. The extended family is more judgmental of my family than they are supportive. The last time we were all together for my mom’s birthday, I was really stressed out. There weren’t enough places to sleep for everyone. I suggested that my youngest niece, who just turned 14, could sleep on the couch. But my SIL said my niece couldn’t handle sleeping that far away from her mom. She slept with her mother in the double bed while my son and his girlfriend slept on the couch.

I was annoyed because my brother and his wife baby their kids so much. Teenagers sleeping with their mommies. Barf! My nieces are homeschooled and they don’t experience being around other people who think differently from them. They have been judgmental towards everyone in my immediate family at some time or another. It’s hard to be ‘on vacation’ and feel like you can’t be yourself around the extended family. Then my other SIL is psycho and screams at my brother. My dad isn’t allowed up at the cabin when the grandkids are around because he is a pedophile. My mom plays the victim and shows extreme favoritism towards my brother Matt who often burps, farts, and gags at the table. Yeah….no.

I even turned down the overnight family reunion because I thought that might be stressful too. Saying no to stressful things and saying yes to joyful experiences. Remember that friends are the family we choose. I like that saying. So this weekend, we are spending time with our friends.

On to other things

The cat war is over and now we have moved on to other worries.

The evening I posted the cat wars post, Paul and I made a trip over to Will’s apartment to get Arabella’s big items, such as her couch, because she just got out of jail earlier in the week. While we were there, Will said he would give Arabella her cat back on two conditions. The first that she would not lock the cat up in her room and the second that she would allow him places to hide. I called Arabella right away and she said she would agree with the conditions.

After the break up, Paul and I tried to have a non-adversarial relationship with Will. I think this really helped the cat situation. Although, I believed the cat should just stay where he was at for the cat, I believe it was in my daughter’s best interest to get the cat back. Will still had some compassion for her. My daughter’s mood improved drastically. We felt more secure about leaving Arabella at home without us to go on our annual sailing trip with friends. I was willing to stay back if I needed to. But after she got the cat back, I felt she was more stable.

While we were gone, I told Arabella I did not want her to bring any new friends we haven’t met to the house. After we got back, we met her first jail friend. This woman was rough. She told me she first got in trouble at age 14 when she stabbed her dad who was abusing her. She made it clear she did not kill him but that did not make me feel much better.

After she was released from juvie, she was homeless and lived on the streets. Although this woman was as small as a child of 10, I wouldn’t want to mess with her. She has the glean of insanity in her eyes along with a shaved head and multiple tattoos. I took an interest in her tattoos and asked her who the face belonged to of the person tattooed on her arm. She said it was a tattoo of Hannibal Lector. Sickening! Idolizing a sadistic serial killer. I didn’t know what to say. I was feeling more apprehensive by the minute. Only 24 with a decade in the system. I told her it was not too late to turn her life around. But who am I kidding, she doesn’t have much of a chance.

To think at one time I thought the psych ward friends were bad. However, the girl was over the top polite. Told me she protected my daughter from fights although she was over half her size. She helped my daughter unpack her belongings and was helpful. But she still made everyone uneasy because there was something not quite right about her. It was Labor Day. The weather was perfect for one last summer hurrah. My son had a couple friends over and so did we. My best friend brought her 13 year-old son who wanted to hang out with the girls. This really stressed me out. The girl was really sketchy and was wearing an ankle bracelet. Was she under house arrest? Was she breaking rules by being at our house? Would the police show up? Where they talking to my friend’s kid about jail or inappropriate topics?

Perhaps I made a mistake. But could I tell my daughter everyone can have friends over but you. Should we have new boundaries? No felons in the house? My daughter is facing 3 felony charges. Maybe we should have bailed her out of jail earlier. The should’ve would’ve started creeping in. We thought she would be a shoe in for mental health treatment court. No one lead us to believe otherwise, but we were wrong. We are treading in new waters once again. I wish someone would’ve wrote a book about what to expect when your kid gets out of jail.

My daughter told me her friend was on the bracelet for a DUI. But I don’t believe anything I hear anymore. I did a little investigative work on my own. The criminal records in our state are public record. My daughter’s friend has a long list of criminal records. She is 24 years old and most recently has drug charges involving meth and narcotics along with the DUI. She has battery charges as well. She has a history of being a violent felon with hard drug charges. I found out she is also a mother, but I am assuming her child has been taken from her.

What is my responsibility here? Will she introduce my daughter to hard drugs? Would I rather have her friend hang out here where I can keep an eye on things or have my daughter hang out with her wherever that may be? Our initial reaction was to kick her friend out. But she didn’t do anything wrong at our house as far as we could tell. As of right now, we are closely monitoring the situation. Arabella doesn’t make good choices and all her friends are pretty messed up. She just doesn’t attract the nice quiet church girls. Most of her friends make us uncomfortable. I knew this was going to happen, but I don’t have any good answers on what to do about it.

The cat wars

After my last post, that evening my 17 year old cat took a turn for the worse. He stopped eating, even after Lexi put dozens of treats down on the floor for him to eat. He stopped responding. His time had undoubtedly come. I didn’t sleep well that evening. I feared what I might find in the morning. But when morning arrived he was still with us. I called the traveling vet’s number first thing in the morning and she came out right away providing the most kind and compassionate end of life care. I wanted to wait until my husband came home from work, but time has a way of not waiting.

Several days later, my husband and I bailed Arabella out of jail after being incarcerated for 5 months. For me it was a day of great anticipation and anxiety. There is a fine line between excitement and anxiety which blurred together for me on that day. I almost felt like I did the day she was born. It was a feeling of excitement but a dread of the pain it would cause me with the scheduled C-section. How many times has she torn my heart out?

It wasn’t all as I expected. I thought she would be happy. I thought she would be someone else. Perhaps leaving behind the last of her teenage years behind bars would change her. I didn’t expect the adjustment to be so hard.

All Arabella wanted was to get her cat back. Her ex kept her cat while she was in jail. He is a rescue cat and has been known to be aggressive towards other cats. I didn’t want him to attack my elderly cat. But now my cat is gone and Will wants to keep the cat. I’ve thought long and hard about the situation. I think it is in the cat’s best interests to stay with Will. Since the cat was previously abused/neglected, I don’t think the cat would respond well to be ripped out of the environment it’s in and be separated from Will who he is currently attached to. My daughter has been known to have a hard time taking care of her pets. She can barely take care of herself. Will provided pretty much all the pet care when they were together.

They got the cat together about six months before Arabella went to jail. So half of the time they have owned the cat she was away from him. I’m not sure I want to take in the cat because if she does not take care of him properly, it would be very unsettling for the cat lovers in my house. Every animal she has had, I’ve ended up taking care of. She wants the cat for her but is incapable of thinking of the best interests of the cat.

Arabella has said her life is not worth living without her cat. She has been crying off and on about it. I told her she needed to find a place of wellbeing independent of others, including an animal. She also mentioned forcefully wanting to take the cat back. I told her if she does something like that she will end up in jail again, maybe prison. She got herself into the situation she was in and doesn’t want to face some of the ramifications.

It’s hard to find compassion towards her when my cat just died. Her cat is living, albeit in a different house, but is loved and is well taken care of. At this point, I’m not really sure what is going to happen. I am prepared to take in her cat now if it heads in that direction. I’m trying to stay out of it somewhat. Every time I lightly suggest maybe her cat is better off where he is, she gets very upset with me. We’ll see what happens…

I’m so thankful they never had any children. I can’t even imagine.

What a week already!

Where we left off last, I was preparing my house for a Bunco party. It was a successful night and I even won by being the biggest loser. Ha!

Then the next day we were hit with some bad news. Arabella did not make it into mental health treatment court. I’m not even sure why. You would think after 5 inpatient hospital stays, several months in outpatient, several months in residential, multiple mental health issues, a dozen therapists, suicide attempts, and self-harm wounds that will forever scar her body would be enough to qualify someone for mental health treatment. But apparently not!

I am very cynical of the system. A person could threaten to harm themselves or others and still not get the mental health treatment they need even if they do want it. How messed up is that? Arabella will get two years probation and after completion her felonies will be removed from her record. Within the next week, we will be transitioning her home from jail. I’m not sure what this is going to look like. The DA wants her to go to therapy. They can go ahead and court order it then. I’m not sure if my daughter will even have insurance when she gets out since the renewal date happened when she was in jail. Then there is probably a 6 month waiting list just to see a therapist. At this point, I’m not sure if she even has her doctors or can get her medicine. After 5 months in jail, I’m sure it’s going to be a mess.

In other news, our cat took a turn for the worse since his appointment last week. He stopped eating and grooming himself. He spends most of his time sleeping or crying. Today he has been hiding out in the garage. I’ve been checking in on him every couple hours to see if he’s still breathing. I think I’m going to have to make an appointment to put him down this week. It’s a hard decision. I’ve been in denial that it is time. At this point, I don’t think he is going to get better.

For some good news, my son decided to go back to tech school. Classes start this week. He dropped out a couple years back and it was really hard for me because I felt like he wasn’t living up to his potential. Then at 21, he received the rest of the money we saved up for him in his college fund. With that money, he bought a sports car. Now he wants to sell the car and use the money to go back to school. He is finally starting to mature and grow up on his own without me having to nag him to start getting his life together. Through it all, we’ve had a pretty good relationship.

I’m thankful to be close to my kids in their young adult years. Arabella and I don’t always get along, but I think she knows we care about her and are willing to support her through hard times. I’m sure it will be a rocky road, but I’m doing the best I can. I feel like emotionally I’m doing good but physically my body is a wreck. I have a follow up appointment with my doctor this week so we’ll see how that goes.

Halfway through this hectic week

I’m glad the week is half over and most of the stressful things are behind me. Paul and I had a nice little anniversary getaway at the Island Resort and Casino in Upper Michigan. We had a great time even though we were losers. We tried our hands at craps and played bingo for the first time. It was fun. We also got a couples massage and went to a nice restaurant for our anniversary.

There was some stress because my mom decided last minute to have her birthday party up north and everyone was texting me to plan everything while I was away. I told everyone I was not home so they would have to figure things out. It wasn’t a total shit show like I was expecting. My mom had a great time and everyone was on their best behavior although I had my guard up. The first stressful event of the week is over.

The second stressful event was taking my cat to the vet on Monday. After I got back home after being gone for awhile, my cat was refusing to eat his dry food. He is 17 years old and I thought it was the end. He was getting rechecked because he had an ear infection with a very swollen ear. I spoke to the vet about my concerns and he decided to recheck his thyroid. His ear infection is gone but his thyroid is out of control. I’m giving him more medication and he seems to be doing better. Crisis averted for now.

Later Monday evening we went to a fundraiser at the local zoo with some new friends and it was a lot of fun. I think this new friendship has a lot of potential as we really seem to get along well. It’s a new connection I made through volunteering. We’ll see what happens.

The third stressor of the week was Arabella’s court date on Tuesday. I should write a what to expect when your child is in jail book. Every single time she appears in front of the judge is incredibly stressful. Nothing was done over the past two months. We are still waiting to see if she will be accepted into mental health treatment court. It looks very promising, but the decision has not been made yet. The next court date has been pushed back until October. However, we got word from the attorney they may make the decision yet this week and she might come back home as early as next week. I’m not sure what that is going to look like but I think I am ready now.

On Tuesday night, Alex, Lexi, and I went to a free pipe organ concert. It was amazing. The pipe organ is by far my favorite instrument. I always joke that I want to add a pipe organ room to my house some day. I totally have my funeral planned out. I would love to have a funeral service in a church with a pipe organ. My daughter Angel can sing and my son can play the saxophone. Too bad I will have to miss it.

The fourth stressor of the week is hosting Bunco tomorrow. That was kind of unpredictable too just like the rest of the stressors because we weren’t sure if we would have enough people to play. Having a party is stressful in and of itself especially since I don’t know a lot of the people coming all that well. I feel like I have to impress them by having a clean house. I can be kind of a clean freak. Today I did 4 hours of weeding and it barely made a dent. I think I need a new sign like the one I saw at the zoo. It says ‘pardon the weeds we are feeding the bees’. Perfect. I’d never have to weed again. To think I thought it was so lovely when we bought the house.

That’s about it around here. I officially made it through the first half of a hectic week.