break up

Mid November update

/ Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

As of right now, we are keeping our heads above water. Life has settled down since the last time I wrote. Alex is more stable. He has been seeing a therapist which is something he was vehemently against in the past. So that is a step in the right direction I guess. He has been a man of few words, at least with my husband and I anyway.

My brothers and I started the process of cleaning out our parent’s house. What an overwhelming task! The one time we got together we barely made a dent in everything. I’m not sure when we are going to be able to get together again to go through everything.

In the meantime, Paul and I rented a huge dumpster for our own house. We got rid of the couches the dogs chewed up among other things. We are not going to be leaving a huge mess behind for our children to clean. It feels good to purge, clean, and declutter. Today I dropped off a trunk load of previous treasures to the thrift store. Some of the items I got rid of were gifts from Alex’s old girlfriend. It was time as they broke up over a year ago. And guess who ended up working at the thrift store and taking in my donations?? Alex’s old girlfriend! I wonder what she thought when I was getting rid of the stuff she gave me, like the cat cookie jar. Or the dress I let her borrow to wear for my daughter’s wedding. In an odd way, it really felt like closure to me.

My husband just accepted a new seasonal position doing tax work. He also decided to start a new career this year. Right now he has been diligently studying and learning everything he can.

I started taking medicine for high blood pressure. I feel old now that I am into my 50’s. But most of the time I don’t care as much about things that I used to think were important, so it evens out.

Fall update

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It’s hard to believe we are into October already. We have been enjoying unseasonably warm temps up until today so it was easy to deceive myself otherwise.

I have been at my job for half a year already. Three more employees started working after I was hired so I guess I am not really the new person anymore. My old perfectionistic workaholic ways are catching up to me. I haven’t called in or taken a day off yet, instead I’ve been picking up extra hours and working overtime. I’ve already climbed to a position of respect amongst my co-workers. The management still sucks though, but for now I’m staying. I really like the chaos of working in an ER setting.

Arabella had her day in court and her felony charges have been dismissed. She is off probation and head over heels in love with her new boyfriend. It seems the feeling is mutual. I have a feeling she will be moving out in the next couple months.

Angel will be heading out of state this weekend and won’t be home until the holiday season. While she was back home, her husband rescued a stray kitten hanging around their camper and now they have two cats. I finally set up the graduation trip with my daughter. Back in 2020 when Angel graduated from college, we told her instead of a gift or money, we would like to make memories and take a trip with her. Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you how that turned out back in 2020. Finally I planned a trip for next March with my husband, and Angel and her husband. The most exciting thing is that it is a mystery trip. Angel gave me ideas and I am planning a big surprise.

On a sour note, Alex and his girlfriend broke up. She was seeing other guys behind his back. One night when Alex was playing at a gig out of town, Arabella and his girlfriend went out. Once again, Alex’s girlfriend got really drunk and this time hooked up with a random stranger at the bar. She told Arabella not to tell her brother about it or about her still seeing other people. She told Arabella if she did, she wasn’t going to be her friend anymore and would never see her again. The next evening Alex’s girlfriend was hanging out with him at our house when Arabella came home from work and told her brother everything. Alex took the break up really hard and is really struggling right now. Thankfully instead of closing himself off, he has been open and talking to us.

Paul is just finishing up his summer seasonal job and is toying around with the thought of working a winter seasonal job. Today I spent my day off washing windows and getting everything ready for winter. Soon will be the great purge of getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. Soon we will be going through my parents house and starting to empty it out. It feels good to empty myself of the garbage in my life.

Breaking up

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It happened on Saturday night a few minutes before the band went up to play. Having another commitment, I didn’t show up until the band was halfway through playing. My son played magnificently, better than I’ve ever heard him play. Afterwards, I told Alex to do whatever he did differently every time because he did an amazing job.

He said funny I should say that because right before the band started playing, his friend called to say he saw his girlfriend with another guy. Lexi ran off to the bathroom when she was caught while Alex’s friend talked to the guy. Apparently Lexi has been going out with this other guy for 4 months. We were shocked. Alex and Lexi were together over three years. She was like a part of our family, and one of Arabella’s best friends.

My son was upset over the betrayal and wanted to smash all her things. Thankfully a friend stayed with him that evening to talk him out of doing anything rash. Sunday night Alex texted to say Lexi was over to pick up her things if we wanted to say good-bye. I went over first and told Paul he should be there to make sure everything was alright. Alex was filled with rage and was screaming at Lexi. For the most part, Lexi was quiet and didn’t look at us. Sometimes she cried or yelled back. It was the worst break up we witnessed. I tried to stay out of the fighting. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, but it was a little too late for that.

Lexi threw most of her things in garbage bags. Outside the drought had ended in a pouring rain. It was a blustery evening, a reflection of our emotions. Arabella came over after work, and I cautioned her that although she wanted to say bye it might not be the best thing for her. But she wanted to anyway. My stress level was through the roof. We were all in a state of sadness, grief, anger, shock, and anxiety. Arabella was crying. The fighting seemed like it would never end.

But then it did end as Lexi packed everything that was hers in her vehicle and drove away. I thought maybe she was the one. But that dream is gone and there is just an emptiness in the space she once occupied in our hearts. Arabella has been crying every day. She was a friend, a best friend who painted with her and went to the movies together. I worry about her. The day before everything happened she started going through another medication change.

Alex has been unreachable. He doesn’t want to talk to me about it beyond the anger. I worry about him. Things ended badly. It’s going to take some time to get through this. It was so unexpected. Lexi has a lot of issues, and I keep telling myself there is someone better out there for him.