Soon life will become more interesting.
I really don’t need anymore excitement in my life…
Soon life will become more interesting.
I really don’t need anymore excitement in my life…
No man is free who is not master of himself.
Wow, nothing like a fun and carefree fortune cookie saying there. This cookie packs a lot of truth. It sounds good, but unfortunately is easier said than done. Who do we know who is truly free?
I want to think I am free, but really is this an obtainable goal? I am but trapped inside of my own body that no longer does all the things I want it to do.
I also think of my friends who struggle with addiction. How easy is it for us to tell them to just stop whatever it is they are addicted to? Just stop then the addiction will be gone. We want to tell ourselves this is the way it works when we see others struggle losing everything they have at times in danger of even losing their lives. Just stop and it will all go away.
I think everyone struggles with mastering themselves, some are just better at it or care more than others. I wish I could be better at managing my worry. Just this week I worried my daughter was lying in her apartment dead because she is sick and hasn’t been returning my calls or texts. Or better yet, I should think happy thoughts when struggling with depression. That will just magically somehow take the thoughts I don’t want coursing through my head away. Or telling someone with insomnia to just try to get some sleep to count more sheep.
I really think that if most people could master themselves they already would. Maybe we will never be as free as we want to think we are.
My husband and daughter went to the Chinese buffet for lunch today. Paul brought home a fortune cookie for me. When I opened it up there was nothing inside. This is the second time this has happened to me. The first time was thirty years ago back when I was a teenager. At that time I was pretty distraught. Was I going to get hit by a bus on the way home? Those were my worrisome thoughts. But here I am some 30 years later. Now I think it’s kind of funny. That’s just my luck. I have nothing to share with you. Maybe I should just make my own fortune. The saying, not loads of money. Although, wouldn’t that be nice?
So, am I the only one out there who opened a fortune cookie to find nothing inside not only once but twice? Perhaps I am very lucky indeed. Or not. It just seems unusual. Maybe they need to up their quality control at the fortune cookie factory.
Here is my husband’s fortune cookie. “When both feet are planted firmly, nothing can shake you.” Maybe I’ve been having too many problems with my feet lately to get something like this…
Please comment if you also have ever received no fortune and how you felt about it. I can’t be the only one…
Good beginning is half done.
I suppose the wisdom of this fortune cookie could be taken in several different ways. For me, when I think of this, I think that my life is half over. As a middle aged person, this makes perfect sense. Of course, if my life is half over as of today my life would end at 95. I think I would be lucky to live that long as right now off the top of my head I can’t think of any family member that did.
I know it sounds morbid, but as I age sometimes I wonder how long I will live. I keep telling myself I have plenty of time left so I don’t waste time worrying about it. With a family history of dementia, I also tell myself that I probably won’t even know I’m dying which in a strange way is comforting. On some days I feel tired of living, but on the flip side the thought of dying is utterly horrifying to me. I like to be told what to expect but no one living knows, or even understands the dimension of time on a continuum. When did time start? Not even the smartest person can tell us that for sure.
What happens after we die? Again, I have my own beliefs, but no one living really knows. Wow, I wasn’t planning on getting all philosophical on this fortune cookie. But that’s what I like about the fortune cookie posts, I really never know where it will lead me.
On a side note, I am all out of fortune cookies…so I guess it might be awhile before I do a post on fortune cookies again. To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure where I am going to go from here. Is there anything you would like to hear more about?
Each day, compel yourself to do something you would rather not do.
Today I did some dusting and cleaned the cat box.
What is something you did today that you would rather not do?
The will to do, the soul to dare is yours for the taking if you prepare.
I always thought I was really good at planning and preparing for the will to do and the soul to dare. But now I think it takes much more than that.
I was planning on touring Europe. I had prepared for the trip. I had a passport. I had my airline tickets. I was ready to check that continent off my bucket list. Then COVID hit and all the preparations were for naught.
I was planning on signing up for another 50k. I picked the race I wanted to do. I was really excited because part of the course included a water crossing. I was training. I was prepared. But then COVID hit. The race was cancelled. My gym that I visited three times a week over the winter for years closed. I got hit hard ten days with colitis and haven’t been the same since. I can’t run anymore without being in a lot of pain. I couldn’t even help my daughter paint her house without having joint pain. I wasn’t prepared for that.
There is a part of me that thought my kids would stay young forever. Through many sleepless nights, I thought that. I thought that through the temper tantrums, the busy school age running, and through the tumultuous teenage years. I didn’t think about them growing up and leaving home. Somehow I found myself not prepared for that part of parenting. A part of me doesn’t even know who I am anymore since that part of me is gone.
I wasn’t prepared for aging. It’s shocking to see my hair turn gray without any hair color. My neck is starting to look like the neck of a rubber chicken. Now when I look in the mirror, I see my mother. I look like a granny; too young to crack out the cardinal sweaters but too old to dress like I am in my 30’s. I had to break down and buy bigger pants since I haven’t been able to workout like I used to. I always thought those things happened to other people, not me. I am close to 50. Why wasn’t I prepared for this?
Sometimes it’s very hard to take a good look in the mirror. I don’t want to admit my best years in health and in looks are behind me. There is not a damn thing any of us can do about it. I do feel childish in feeling insecure about it. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am anymore. I have all these crazy middle age female hormones coursing through my body making me feel like an adolescent again, but I’m not. Doesn’t seem fair. But, that’s life. Sometimes I just have to laugh it off and say oh well. I’m right where I need to be.
Ready or not, here life comes…some things you just can’t prepare for even if you have the will and soul.
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
When is this supposed to start again??
Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is. Just me waiting for the other shoe to drop stuck in an endless loop of meaningless tasks. Cleaning the house, just to watch it get dirty again. Why don’t things stay clean and orderly? Why is life so messy?
I have been on edge and out of sorts lately. There has been so much change in my life lately. I wish I could tell you that I embrace change, or like it, but I don’t. I haven’t been sleeping all that well and last night had a nightmare I was watching my cat drown.
In the mornings and at night sometimes, my cat stares out the window. I wonder if he is waiting for our dog to come back. We used to sit their together staring out that window at night waiting for the dog to come in for the night. Today I washed the remaining dog nose smudges off that same sliding glass door. He won’t be coming back. I vacuumed the rest of the pet hair from the rug he entered eternal sleep on.
Yesterday my daughter and her fiancé bought a house. This weekend she will be moving out. It is bittersweet. I got used to her living here for the last year and a half. I know it is time for her to move on with her own life and she is happy. But that somehow doesn’t make it easier right now. I’m not sure what will happen next. This will be the first time my husband and I have been alone since we had kids.
I know I should view this as an opportunity for growth. But it really doesn’t feel like that right now.
So here I’ll be waiting for the good luck….
Good thing are being said about you.
Well that’s good to hear…
Better face danger than be always in fear.
I really like this fortune. I try to live my life this way. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a very anxious and fearful person. But I try hard to not let that stop me from living my life.
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.
Cutting corners and doing shoddy work really bothers me, especially if I am the one who did it.