guardian

17 thoughts

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This summer has been very busy and unfortunately I haven’t been able to set aside as much time as I would’ve liked for writing. Here is a summary of what has been happening which may or may not lead to future posts about the events.

  1. My mom’s POA was activated after a diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia.
  2. I set up a tour for my parents of an assisted living facility. They will be moving in this weekend.
  3. My brothers and I will be meeting over the weekend to make some hard decisions about what to do with my parents properties, vehicles, belongings, etc… As my parents are hoarders, this could take more than a year to straighten this mess out.
  4. I am still dealing with guardianship issues with my brother Matt in terms of his finances and health. My mom has been very angry with me that I am allowing him to have a diet with no restrictions. There will probably be more about this in a later post.
  5. Arabella broke up with her boyfriend. It was more of a mutual breakup and they left on good terms.
  6. Arabella has less than a month of probation left.
  7. Angel and Dan moved their camper from North Carolina to Indiana. They are doing great, but it’s been an adjustment this year not seeing them often.
  8. Paul had genetic testing done for cancer. On the test, 76 out of 77 screenings came back as normal. The other was neither negative or positive as they don’t have enough info to be certain if it’s a problem area or not.
  9. Our dog jumped the fence and was missing for 24 hours. We looked for him everywhere. We thought he was a goner until the following day when I came into the house to find him laying on the couch like he never left.
  10. The dog ran away right before I had to leave for work. That day I went in late. I left a message for my supervisor who didn’t bother to ask if we found our dog. I think that was the point where I started to despise my supervisor. The company I work for and the management really suck as I’ve seen them screw over the employees. This left me in a hard spot. I really like my job, the people I work with, and the patients. But is that enough for me to stay with a company I have no respect for because they don’t take care of their employees.
  11. Talking about employees, a previous problem employee of ours when we ran our company was convicted of felonies which landed her in prison.
  12. For the first time, I was called to go in for jury duty and was selected to be one of the jurors for a felony case involving the se#ual assault of a child.
  13. I decided to have three rings resized that were a gift from my mom when I was in my 20’s. It means a lot more to me now that my mom is ‘gone’.
  14. My son moved back into the house. He is doing really well as a musician, having a full-time job, and starting a business on the side. But in other ways he is not doing well. Like his dad, he struggles a lot with his drinking. At least at this point he is acknowledging it’s an issue he needs to work on.
  15. I really think that now is a good place to end my memoir. It’s been six years since I started it. I even finished it at one point, but life kept happening.
  16. The bar I made my stand up comedy debut in shut down. There are other venues I can try out though.
  17. There are so many things I probably forgot about…

The appointment, part 2

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July was the month of appointments, none of them mine. Matt had an appointment scheduled for his physical. I had a long list of questions to take with me. My mom never allowed anyone to take part in Matt’s care. She wanted full control and everyone had to do what she told them.

I expressed concern to the doctor how many supplements Matt was taking along with his medications. Matt was even taking a multi-vitamin with iron, although he had no medical purpose that I knew of to be taking it. I asked the doctor if Matt should be taking dozens of supplements. Was it possible his previous liver issues were due to taking too many supplements? The doctor said it was likely.

Then I discussed with the doctor the strict diet Matt was on. I told her I would like Matt to try a diet with no restrictions. The doctor asked Matt if he would like to have some ice cream. I told her Matt has no idea what ice cream is because he never had it before. As kids, we never drank milk. There were many foods Matt never had before. I wasn’t sure how his system would respond to a new diet. I was fearful he might have an allergic reaction of some sort. The doctor decided to draw some blood just to check if Matt was deficient and needed vitamins.

The blood draw was difficult for Matt as they couldn’t find his veins easily. The doctor said she could order allergy testing and even a brain scan to see what was going on if I wanted. But I told her I didn’t want to do anything invasive to Matt if what we were doing was working for him. His anti-psychotic meds are working. I didn’t feel the need to do a brain scan to prove he has schizophrenia or another disease or disorder.

The doctor told me the group home called her and pleaded with her to talk to my mom about Matt’s care. I went home and cried. I was overwhelmed with sadness that Matt was forced to live this way for so long with no one stepping in to tell my mom she was going too far. I came to the conclusion that he wasn’t sick, she was. It rang Munchhausen by Proxy warning bells in my head. It made me question everything I ever believed, everything she taught me as truth. I felt anger towards my mom for the abuse. I am so ashamed of my family. I feel nothing but disgust, yet I have to be the bigger person to make the decisions about everyone’s care. Was I making the right call??

Weeks passed, Matt started trying new foods. He ate ice cream cake for the first time at 49 years old. He really liked it. He didn’t have a reaction to it at all. Then he tried pizza. My mom found out that Matt was off his special diet. She became very angry and yelled at the staff member who gave it to him. I was afraid something like that would happen.

The last time we visited Matt he looked happy. I have more compassion towards him. I feel sad I couldn’t have changed things before. But my mom was the guardian and wanted to be in complete control. I couldn’t do anything about it before, but I can now and I am.

The appointment, part 1

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My mom’s first appointment the day her POA was activated was rough. My mom was crying and begging me to be able to have Matt overnight at her house again. Due to two recent medication errors, Matt’s case manager, nurse, and I made the call to not allow Matt to stay at our parents house overnight anymore. He was, however, free to visit them between 8AM and 8PM between medication times. My mom told her doctor she was not allowed to see him at all. Her primary doctor said she would be willing to be the second signature on the POA form and gave me the form to take to her afternoon neurologist appointment.

The primary doctor said that we needed to look for a facility to take care of my mom. She said that we should look into everything before it became a crisis and it has been at crisis stage for too long now. I told the doctor my parents wanted to stay at home and refused to go. My mom was adamant that my dad was going to take care of her. She said he was loving and supportive, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Her doctor said in her 25 years of being a doctor, she only saw two husbands that were able to care for their wives and they had large families nearby to help. Not children who lived far away and were working full-time. She said worst case scenario was that I needed to call adult protective services to have them removed from their home.

After the appointment, I dropped my mom off at home and drove an hour to close the guardianship account my parents created for my brother back in the 90’s. The rep payee account had finally come through and I needed to close the old account. Upon arriving at the bank, the teller contacted her manager stating that I wanted to close an account that wasn’t mine. The manager said absolutely not as I pulled out the guardianship paperwork. The manager had to speak to the higher ups as I sat waiting in the lobby for an hour. When they finally talked to me, they told me the original account from 1994 was not set up as a guardianship account. Although I am now the guardian, they might still need my parents to come in to sign off the account because it was listed as a joint account. At this point, I was feeling really stressed. I was trying to hold back anger and tears as I explained I lived an hour and a half away. My dad can’t walk and my mom is losing her mind. Along with becoming my brother’s guardian, my mom’s POA was most likely going to be activated that afternoon.

I didn’t know when I would be able to come back with my parents. I took the day off to deal with everything. There wasn’t much else I could do and I had to be back for my mom’s afternoon appointment. After I left, I received a call from the bank saying the higher ups approved the closing of the account. I turned around and finally closed the account.

I picked my mom up for her second appointment of the day. She was still upset with me about Matt and was now crying because she thought she was going to be committed. The doctor was running late. After waiting for another hour, we finally saw the doctor. I explained everything that was happening, how my mom was getting worse since the last appointment. The doctor seemed upset she didn’t schedule to see my mom sooner. She signed the POA forms on the spot. Then she dropped the bomb of frontotemporal dementia. Since my mom was still crying, she asked if my mom was still on anti-depressants. I thought so but I didn’t go to that appointment with her. She told me my mom needed memory care ASAP. She said being at home was a major safety concern, especially with cooking.

I asked the neurologist about genetic testing. She said that I could if I wanted to but it was a waste of time because this condition is something you don’t have any power or control over and there is no cure. My thoughts turned dark, I would do anything to not do this to my own children and spouse. But I would have no idea I was losing my mind. For several weeks, I fell into a deep dark despair. I am still grieving the loss of my mother who is still alive. I am grieving the future I thought I would have. Angel did say something that made me feel a lot better which was that they were planning on taking care of me anyway whether I was in a wheelchair or lost my mind.

The beginning of July

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It’s been a wild ride since the last time I wrote.

I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday weekend. On Friday we enjoyed listening to a local favorite band and enjoyed the fireworks on a perfect July evening. On Saturday afternoon, my son’s band played and afterwards we invited the band over for a pool party. Today has been my first whole day I’ve spent at home for weeks and I’m enjoying getting stuff done around the house.

Work has been hectic. Last week we got a new supervisor that no one likes. She is around half my age with no education or supervisor experience. I am trying to have a good attitude about it. She pretty much just stops in and yells at everyone then leaves us alone. I’ve heard she has no family, significant other, or life outside of being ‘bossy’. I am comforted that most of the other employees feel the way I do so we will stick together if things get out of hand. She offers assistance when we have been short staffed but never is around.

The day shift and the night shift typically have two employees working together. Unfortunately, it seems as if the irresponsible employee is always paired with an ultra responsible employee. Then when the irresponsible employee calls in, the responsible employee is left with all of their work. This happened last week with a lady who only works two days a week, she called in screwing the other employee over. They were both supposed to work the holiday. The irresponsible worker called in again and the responsible worker (who is a single parent of 4 kids) who never calls in called in afterwards. In that situation, the supervisor is supposed to work. I really think it was brilliant for the responsible worker to call in because maybe something will be done about it now. It’s getting out of hand and nothing is ever done about it. I am supposed to work with both employees tomorrow so we’ll see what happens.

Things have been crazy on the home front as well. My mom screwed up my brother Matt’s medications for the second time. I had to make the tough call to not allow my brother to go home overnight on the weekends anymore. This was very upsetting to my mom. But as my brother’s guardian I had to make the right call that him going home was a safety concern. I’m taking my mom to two doctor appointments this week, her primary doctor for a physical and to the neurologist. I wouldn’t be surprised if they activate the power of attorney for her this week. This week might change the course of our lives. We’ll see how it plays out.

On a good note, my brother Matt’s rep payee went through and now I don’t have to worry about paying my brother’s bills anymore. Large expenses have to be preapproved, so that should take care of my mom making huge unnecessary purchases she wants me to reimburse her for. Now I just need to take a couple hours to close out the old account. The switchover has been difficult, but once everything is set it will be great.

Dan should be spending the next couple of weeks at home after being out of town for work since December. They wanted to send him back out again right away, but he told them he wanted to stay around for a while. Now Angel will be out of town for work this week. They are busy people. It’s been good to see them more. Dan bought a new Tesla. The car drives itself. It’s unbelievable how much technology has changed over the last 100 years. I can see a future where drunk driving might be a thing of the past. Wisconsin is usually pretty drunk, especially on weekends. But on holiday weekends, people have been partying harder than usual.

That’s about it around here. Arabella’s friend should be getting out of rehab tomorrow so we’ll see what happens with that. Good thing she is getting out after the holiday weekend. I even saw some people who were embracing total sobriety drink. Not that I’m judging. I’ve gotten beyond that in my life as drinking is such a cultural thing here.

Next weekend will be my birthday weekend. I have a few fun ideas I am planning. Nothing big. But something to look forward to when life around me is nothing but chaos.

The end of June

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How is June almost over already???

I’m just trying to keep my head above water. It’s a big adjustment going back to work full-time. My days off tend to be filled with running errands, cleaning, and checking in/doctor appointments. I am thinking my mom will be ruled incompetent soon. My dad is listed as POA and I am secondary. Either my dad will take on being POA so he can force us to let them stay at home or he will resign and it will be on me. Neither are good options.

Meanwhile, I am changing things up with my brother Matt who I am now guardian of. I switched his account over to a professional payee which will be easier in the long run but is an adjustment right now. Things are getting really messed up because my mom is still getting some of the notifications about bills and doctor appointments. Then she is making arrangements for him incorrectly that I know nothing about. It has lead to a lot of confusion all around to the point where the group home thought he was missing a couple times my mom cancelled his transportation.

At times my mom still wants and thinks she has full control over Matt. She has been very unreasonable with his care and I am going to change that. This has lead to stress on my part. I had a nightmare that because of the changes I made that he became violent again. There is a sliver of doubt in my mind. What if my mom was right? What if I do the wrong things for the right reason? It’s a lot of responsibility.

Arabella had her doctor appointment in there as well. The doctor is decreasing her dose of her anti-psychotic medication due to weight gain that didn’t get better on weight loss meds. We’ll see what happens with that.

Alex’s car broke down, so I have been giving him some rides to work when I can. He moved back into the house which I have mixed feelings about. He is incredibly moody and can be hard to live with but I love him anyway. He is more of a responsibility than help most of the time.

Angel is still in the area. Thankfully since confronting her stalker neighbor, things have gotten a lot better. There haven’t been any issues. Dan has been on the road all month and will be coming home soon. But after that, they have no idea what they will be doing which has been stressful for them.

Paul has been working a lot too. I am thankful for him. He offered to take Matt to his doctor appointment for me when I was scheduled to work. However, the doctor’s office ended up rescheduling Matt’s appointment and I picked a time when I can take him.

I think I’m going to call this the summer of responsibility. I try to catch little breaks when I can. Yesterday I had the day off and went to lunch with my friend Jen. It’s the little things that keep me going right now.

March on to the end

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Life has been pretty quiet since last week. I still have my thumb bandaged up and will be seeing the doctor tomorrow for a follow up. I never realized how much I used my thumb before. I haven’t been wearing pants with a zipper and a button because what happens if I need to go to the bathroom and struggle with limited use of my thumb. Unhooking my bra strap. Tying shoes. Opening pill bottles. Cleaning to name a few… I hope it heals quickly, but I am not sure my nail will ever look the same.

I start my new job in a week and a half. I still haven’t gotten my schedule yet so I have been hesitant to plan anything. Thankfully my mom has her neurology appointment set up for next week so I should be able to take her. I will be working 4 days a week and every other weekend. I am content with this schedule as it will leave me a couple days off during the week to volunteer and take family to doctor appointments. But before I start, I need to go through 6 weeks of training which might be either in person or online 5 days a week Monday through Friday. So until I find out more, I wait.

I am starting to make some headway with transitioning over as Matt’s guardian. For the past several years, my mom has struggled with financial tracking and balancing Matt’s checkbook. She has been paying all the bills and I want to transition over to a payee. Thankfully, my husband has been helping her with this and has been wonderful with the financial end of things. He has been an enormous help with record keeping which I need to set up a payee through the county. He was able to answer questions I had no clue about. The whole process to set up a payee will take 2 months. In the meantime, I need to pay all Matt’s bills without a lot of information on how to do it.

Also, the county has been marvelous to work with as well. Over the decades, I heard a lot of negative things about the county. However, I found the opposite to be true. They have been very diligent and supportive throughout the transition process. I’m starting to feel like everything is falling into place.

Arabella is continuing to make improvements. She is starting to wear makeup again. It might not seem like it, but it’s a big deal. She stopped wearing makeup over a year ago. She didn’t care much about her appearance and had no motivation to do anything about it. Plus her old anti-psychotic medication was making her hands shaky which made it almost impossible to do her eyeliner. I know it doesn’t seem like much since most of her peers are getting ready to graduate from college. I wish she could have a normal regular life too, but she does not. She is in a good place now and any proof of that is worth celebrating.

In the next couple days I am looking forward to: doing stand up comedy, having a game night with Paul, Arabella, and her boyfriend, coffee with friends (I want to try a coffee flight), volunteering at the cat rescue, and trivia night. I am in the process of finishing my memoir, which has been 6 years in the making. Next week I will be very busy tying up loose ends before I start working full-time. I have something going on every day.

The unplanned

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I was intending to write sooner but life had other plans. I ended up in the ER after I got a rather large sliver under the nailbed of my thumb. It was incredibly painful. Thankfully they were able to numb me up enough to get it out. But they had to remove a chunk of my nail to get it all out. This happened on my dominant hand so it’s been a bit of a challenge to do things. I have to keep it wrapped up for a week and watch for signs of infection. I’m not sure how it is going to look when it heals. It was a horrible and disgusting experience. I am not in much pain now, but I just feel exhausted. It didn’t help that I had my new hire physical today with bloodwork and a flu shot.

Other than the trip to the ER, this past week went well with a lot of fun activities planned. Angel came home and a group of us went out to eat and watched the musical she directed the music for. She wasn’t home for long, but we enjoyed our time together. Unfortunately for Angel, she got stuck at the airport in Chicago because the weather out east was not good and her flight got cancelled. But she did make it home safely and that’s what counts even though she did have to spend the night in Chicago.

We also had a group of friends meet us out to watch Alex’s band perform at a local brewery for St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I volunteered at a local film festival event. We saw our son’s bandmate perform on St. Patrick’s Day, drank green beer, and played trivia with friends that evening. It was probably the busiest extended weekend of the month if not year so far and one of the most fun as well. This weekend is going to be a lot quieter, but that is okay.

Last week I met with Matt’s case manager and program coordinator. I was not surprised to find out that my mom had complete control of Matt’s finances and medical care. I don’t want to control anything. My mom wouldn’t allow the care team to attend appointments with Matt, which is what they typically do. My mom also had extreme and strict restrictions on what the staff could and could not do. (Why couldn’t my mom be a clean freak instead???) I basically told them that all restrictions would be removed. They were all overjoyed, except for my mom that is. I know she is angry with me for not doing things her way and for not being able to control me. The way my mom treats me is hurtful at times. But my expectations of my parents are so low that it doesn’t matter all that much.

Both Paul and I feel terribly alone with our lifelong lack of parental guidance. I honestly don’t know if I would miss my parents much when they pass away. We don’t have that kind of relationship. It seems like they have been gone for years. I feel sad and jealous of stories of warm and loving parents. Parents that don’t leave a legacy of messes for their children to clean up. There is never a dull moment. But in some ways I rejoice for not being controlled because in families there are rules. I can finally do things my own way and no one cares. I created the family I wanted and what more could I need? Maybe grandchildren…

My best friend is going to be a grandma again. Her 21 year old son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby. It was a bit of a surprise no one was expecting which created a lot of mixed feelings. They are young, immature, and not ready to be parents. But who is, really?

I’m not sure what this next week will bring. I guess I needed a reminder that things don’t always go according to plan. Planes are late and accidents happen that throw off the normal trajectory of life. Sometimes, though, it is easier to face disappointment and suffering when you plan on it being that way.

Marching on

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I found a job.

It’s a job I didn’t have on my radar last week. I was hired by a hospital to work in ER admissions. I never worked in a hospital before. The ER department sounds stressful but exciting. The only thing I really don’t like is being around sick people all the time. My immune system has been strong as of late, so I’m hoping it will stay that way. This is not going to be a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday kind of job. I didn’t want a job with those hours anyway since I have appointments for family members several times a month.

My mom had her follow up appointment this past week with the neuropsychologist. The test results showed a major neurocognitive disorder. However, more tests will need to be done before we know what kind of dementia she has because it is not presenting itself in the normal way. She will need a MRI before we know more, and maybe more testing beyond that. One type of dementia the doctor thinks it could be has a strong genetic component and is very aggressive. However, my mom is older than the age where it usually presents itself which is within the age range my younger brothers and I am. The thought is horrifying that I could have this ticking time bomb inside of me. I am trying not to think about it all that much until we have more answers. But damn is it scary. My dad’s side of the family has a strong genetic link for dementia as well. I may have to start doing some planning soon depending on the test results.

My mom has been very confused and frightened. It’s terrifying for her because her memory is still within the range of normal. However, her executive functioning is at 5%. She doesn’t have the mercy to forget something is terribly wrong with her. The doctor said she should no longer be driving. My mom will need to do a driving simulation test and if she fails that, she will no longer be able to drive. She is not supposed to attend appointments by herself and it is almost time to get her power of attorney paperwork in place.

Meanwhile, I have become Matt’s guardian and will meet with his case manager this week. There are several things I need to figure out, such as how to transition over the financial aspect of it. I am hoping to have everything in place before I start working full-time.

I have been trying not to let the stress get to me. Thankfully I have a lot of experience dealing with stressful situations so I know how to cope with everything. Last night Paul and I went with family and friends to see our son play in the band. It really was a great time. He will be playing again next weekend…so more fun. When we are all free, Paul and I play games with Arabella and her boyfriend which is fun. I did stand up comedy this week and went to trivia night with Paul and friends.

This week Angel will be coming back home from out East to visit. We will be going with her and a group of people to see the musical she was the music director for. It’s been a month and a half since we last saw her. I can’t wait until she comes home again. We have a lot of fun things planned.

The weather is slowly starting to warm up. I saw my first robin of the season yesterday. The snow is starting to melt.

What is coming next

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I want to start blogging more again. Maybe I can try for once a week. I realized today I have been blogging almost ten years. It takes some form of dedication or insanity to continue that long. One of the hardest parts for me is finding people I connect really well with and then they are gone. Maybe their blogging experience is only temporary. Sometimes bloggers pass away. That component is harder for me then finding things to write about.

This past week has been difficult/emotional in different ways. The job search has lead to several dead ends. I was selected for the lucrative job I took the proctored exam for. However, I am sitting in limbo. It’s been over a month since I applied. When I reached out, I was sent a form letter stating that I am in a pool of applicants and if/when they need me they will reach out. My test results will be on file for two years and if I don’t hear anything by then I am welcome to reapply. But I am looking for a job now.

A friend told me over the weekend that she knows someone who works for the job I am waiting on. She said for the first 6 months they had to work 3rd shift until there was an opening in 1st shift. I am not willing to work 3rd shift, been there done that and don’t ever want to do that again. I would be willing to work those hours once in a while but not often. I AM, however, willing to work day shift (early morning is fine), 2nd shift, weekends, and holidays. I don’t want to work a regular Monday through Friday 9 to 5 job either. I just don’t think it would be possible for me at where I am in my life right now.

As of this last week, I am now the successor guardian for my brother Matt. However, I am not going to do everything the same way my mom did. I am not going to cater to his every whim. This is going to be an adjustment period for all of us and I am going to be pulling off the band-aid. At first I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for doing things my way, the way I think will be the best for Matt. But I had to remind myself that I have taken on the responsibility to be responsible for my brother for the rest of his life or mine. I never signed up for this. I don’t want to have a brother with a disability. But I was willing to take it on even though it was not in my best interest. There are going to be a lot of things I have to learn.

This past week my mom had her neuropsychological evaluation we waited 5 months for. We will be getting the results this week. My brother Luke went with my mom and I to the appointment which lasted 4 hours. We had around an hour to talk to the doctor about our concerns without our mom in the room. I think we were listened to and adequately described the situation. The last few months my mom’s dementia has gotten worse and she reached a new level of raw unfiltered obsessiveness and self-focus. I think she may have more than one personality disorder on top of whatever dementia she is facing. Spending time with my mom is very difficult. I have to limit it to once a week for my own mental health. I had horrible nightmares the evening of her appointment.

This is why I can’t look for a 9 to 5 job. I have several appointments during the month during the day for my mom, daughter, and will for my brother Matt as well. Also, I would like to continue volunteering for several organizations during work hours. My husband and I just finished facilitating an 8 week family class through NAMI this week. We had the opportunity to guide ten other people who are new to mental health struggles with family members. It was great to use my experiences to help other people. We had such a great group and I am sad to see the class is over.

Every week I am looking forward to several opportunities to de-stress. This week I am planning on going to trivia night with friends. The first time we did it, we won second place. This will be the second time. After taking two months off to teach the class, I had to take a hiatus from stand up comedy. I will be doing stand up comedy this week. This weekend my son’s band will be playing so I am looking forward to going with friends and family to watch them perform.

I am also planning on finishing the third edition of my memoir this week. Last year I was planning on ending it but so much more has happened to write about. I feel like I finally found a good place to stop the story. My plan is to have it completely finished by April 11, which would’ve been my grandma’s 100th birthday. Even though she has passed many many years ago, I want to celebrate her day and the life she has given to me. Without her influence in my life, I don’t know where I would be.

Other than that, my husband and kids are doing well. It’s great they are all in a good place right now. I feel like I am at a crossroads of sort. It is a very uncertain and anxious time, yet on the other side of the same coin is a sense of anticipation and excitement for what is to come next. I might take some classes and go a whole different career route. Who knows at this point? I think I should have a lot of answers this week.

February update

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I passed the proctored exam I needed to take to get to the next step of the hiring process.

It wasn’t an easy test and I was nervous about passing it. Starting a new career at 50 can be intimidating. Everything is so different now. I have yet to talk to an actual person about the position. Even taking the test was a whole new experience for me. The last time I took an important test was on paper with a number 2 pencil. I didn’t have a cell phone to lock up. I didn’t have to lift up my hair to show I wasn’t hiding any devices to cheat with. They even measured my wedding ring because if it was larger than a certain size, it would have to be removed.

I left the test site feeling out of touch. Most test takers were half my age. I had overdressed while the other test takers were wearing comfy clothes like oversized sweaters and jogging pants. My confidence dipped. Although I have a plethora of life experiences, I am not young and fresh with all the latest technology. But I have other things to offer. I keep telling myself that. It has been a month since I applied and I am still waiting. It’s been a week and a half since I filled out the background and credit check paperwork. I have no worries about that, but my patience is running thin as I check my email several times a day to see if I hear anything.

I just turned in all the paperwork to be my brother’s successor guardian. My mom’s functioning has continued to decline rather rapidly. She no longer makes a lot of sense when I talk to her. She has been forgetting to pay some of my brother’s bills on time. A week ago, Matt received a disconnect notice if his bills weren’t paid for his portion of the group home. It’s been stressful as my mom has been handling all of Matt’s finances and I don’t have any intentions of doing so. I would like to be more hands off. Matt’s roommates in the group home have a payee set up through the county and receive transportation for appointments. I would like to do that. He doesn’t live close by and with going back to work, I won’t be able to do everything.

Thankfully my mom has her neuropsychological evaluation next week. We have been waiting for months for this appointment. I wonder if there is still time for her to get treatment that would help her or if her dementia is too far advanced.

Meanwhile, Angel moved out to the east coast for the next couple months to be with her husband who is working there. Thankfully she is able to work remotely. They bought a camper to travel in for work. It’s an exciting adventure for them.

Alex got involved with a new band and he will be touring the west coast for a couple weeks this summer. He is planning on starting up a music studio and moving out. I wish I could travel coast to coast with my kids on their adventures. But it is not going to work out. That’s okay though. This is their time.

Arabella had her doctor appointment last week and she is on the road to recovery. She is still having some side effects from her meds, but continues not to suffer from symptoms of schizoaffective disorder. She still has her job and boyfriend. Life for her has been stable and that is all we are hoping for right now.

It has been very cold and snowy here as of late. I am ready for winter to end.