Hello! January just seemed to breeze by in the worst way. It’s been a harsh winter, a lot of snow and weeks of subzero wind chills. The feeling of unsatisfying coldness. The rough harsh winds that sting and burn.

It’s been a rough month all around. Nothing has changed on the home front. My mom is still on hospice and every time I visit I feel a part of her is shriveling away. My parents taking long winter naps under the cover of warm blankets, not sure if the chill in their bones is justifiable or not.

I am trying to get back to the gym again. It’s been a challenge with juggling all the responsibilities. It’s a challenge to do anything for myself, but I must try even if it is going to the gym. At the moment, I feel a certain melancholy. I’m thinking of quitting my job. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with suffering. It’s where I feel at home amongst the chaos. When you learn to embrace suffering, and not fear it, it is a magical place. Where else could I hold the hand of a stranger as her son is in the other room dying? I have the opportunity to be a comfort and that is very rewarding.

My workplace issued a new responsibility. Starting in the beginning of March, everyone is going to have to be on call one weekend every other month. It will be mandatory. They will pay $2 an hour to be on call and if someone calls in you are responsible for finding a replacement out of 4 other people, or that replacement is you. You have an hour to show up to work. I already work every other weekend. For me, that will mean I will work two weekends one month and then three weekends the following month. Working every other weekend already cuts into my life a lot. I usually try to cram everything in to the weekends I don’t work and am not willing to give up another weekend. Maybe if I don’t have anything going on, but as of now my open weekends are booked through the summer. I even helped my husband to schedule his work schedule around my schedule.

The new policy is in effect because there are multiple people who are always calling in. I’ve worked there for almost a year and haven’t called in once. I feel like the responsible people are the ones being hurt by this. It should be the supervisor’s job, but she really doesn’t want to work or do much of anything. I don’t want to leave, but if I have to I will. We just found out about this earlier this week and I am feeling stressed out about it. We’ll see what happens I guess.