Mental health

Freezing to death

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I naively thought we might have escaped the harshness of winter with our unseasonably warm December and start of the new year. Until last week, that is. We got hit with several snowstorms and kicked the weekend off with a blizzard. Then we plunged right into arctic cold wind chills.

Paul was supposed to go on an ice fishing trip in the far north woods of Wisconsin. The mild winter only produced a couple inches of ice on the northern inland lakes and Lake Superior has open water. Usually by this time of year, people are driving their trucks on the lakes and have their ice shacks set up. This year with the weak ice followed by a blizzard then arctic cold, the trip got cancelled. Although the ice is forming fast now.

While Paul was gone, I had plans to go on an overnight trip to a casino. My friend Sue, who won a small jackpot months before, had to be present for a chance to win a car and $100,000. Paul said since his plans got cancelled, he would be willing to drive us there in his truck. But with the weather, we weren’t sure if we were going or not. Normally the trip takes us two and a half hours. But since half the trip is small towns and back roads, no doubt it would take a lot longer. The side roads would be snow covered and slippery since ice doesn’t melt in subzero temperatures if the roads are not plowed right away.

We decided to brave the trip. If we waited for perfect weather conditions in our state, we would be hibernating half the year. Late Saturday morning, Paul and I set off for our trip with Sue and her husband. We had supper at an Italian restaurant with really good food. Then we went to the casino. The drawing for the car and chance to win the money was at 10 PM. While there, I saw several people win big jackpots. The place was packed with jackpot winners waiting for their chance to win yet again. Sadly, Sue didn’t win. But we had a fun time anyway.

Arabella was home watching the pets. I spent a lot of my time worrying that the dogs were going to freeze to death. It was the first night we left the dogs for the night. Even if I am home, I am very paranoid the animals are going to freeze to death. Maybe the cats will sneak outside with someone. Maybe Arabella will let the dogs out then forget to let them back in. The maybes start swirling through my head faster than the snow in the blizzard winds.

Why am I always so worried about my animals when it is cold outside?? Then it hit me. As a child of around 13, I did have some animals freeze to death when I wasn’t home. It was probably around October and it was freezing at night. Two of my outdoor cats had kittens. One had 6 and the other had 4. One of the mama cat’s was a good mom and the other cat was not. The mama cats were sisters and they took care of each other’s babies. At night, I had to lock the cats in with their kittens because one would stay and the other would not.

We hardly went anywhere, but that night we got home late. Too late, in fact. One of the mama cat’s was with a box of babies and the other was not. The box of babies without the mama cat froze to death. My mom said I needed to bury the box of dead kittens. I found a shovel. It was dusk when I found a good burial spot. The ground was cold and hard. But I was able to dig a little hole. I put my hand into the box to pick up one of the fluffy kitties. I screamed when I touched the kitten’s little frozen body. I couldn’t do it. The kitten was so cold and death was so final for these babies. I started crying and threw the box, kittens and all, into the weeds.

I felt awful. Maybe their deaths could’ve been prevented if I didn’t go somewhere with my mom and brothers. I blamed myself. And on Arctic bitterly cold days, I can’t help but worry it could happen again.

Christmas is (almost) over

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I bet you were all on the edge of your seat wondering if I made it through the holidays. I did!! This past weekend I took the Christmas trees down. Although, today, with our first named winter snowstorm it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas after an unseasonably warm December.

I usually take my tree down on New Year’s Day. I decided to leave it up a little longer because I was having a winter themed murder mystery party with friends on Saturday. The game ended up being stressful because one of the couples had to cancel last minute. I was desperate to find two more people. As a last ditch effort, I asked my son and his girlfriend to play. I was surprised when they said yes and even found costumes with less than an hour until game time. Although this was the most poorly written murder mystery game I’ve played, I had a great time with all our kids playing.

Sunday, Paul watched the Packer game with some family and friends while I took down the trees and decorations. Usually it is a sad time for me. But this year I was ready to let the holiday season and 2023 go.

The weekend before I hosted a Christmas party for my family and New Year’s Eve with friends. For the most part, everything went pretty well. My sister-in-laws at best seem to tolerate my side of the family. My SIL Emily is rather boring and comes from a close to perfect family. My nieces Eva and Gracie are closer to her side of the family. We are the ‘other’ family. Luke and Emily also have a foreign exchange student this year. She is kind of whiny and I think Eva and her leave Gracie out a lot. They showed up the night before. Gracie was sick. She was coughing so hard she threw up on herself. But everyone insisted she was fine. She just had a cough for a couple weeks.

My SIL Carla was in a good mood. There is a 50/50 chance she will be raging and pissy or the best SIL in the world by being friendly, fun, and exciting. Thankfully, she was the later. I found a recipe to make chocolate martini’s and her glass was never quite full enough. We had a great time playing games after all the hoopla.

The hoopla itself was another story. Dan and Angel had a sick kitten, so they weren’t sure if they were even going to come to the party. Thankfully, it all worked out. After lunch, Gracie, Carla, and I cleaned the kitchen. Gracie wanted to stay at my house for the week but wasn’t feeling well and didn’t bring extra clothes as she lives far away. I told her some day, hopefully soon, we will make plans.

After everything was cleaned up, it was time to open gifts. When we get together with my family, we buy my mom gifts and she buys everyone gifts but we don’t exchange gifts with each other. Usually my mom goes overboard on the gifts. This year was no exception. Well, except for Gracie. Gracie didn’t receive any gifts. I did order some gifts for Gracie on Amazon for my mom using her credit card. Her credit card listed some of the purchases as fraudulent although other purchases did go through. I told her she needed to call her credit card company. She did, but couldn’t verify what we purchased together so they cancelled her order and credit card. Although she did the same thing last year without problems. She forgot to bring Gracie’s other gifts. I could tell Gracie felt pretty hurt, but she was a good sport.

Then when it was time to go home, my mom didn’t know how to turn on her headlights and came back into the house for help. She got lost on her way to her extended family Christmas party two weeks before. I don’t know how much longer my parents will be able to stay in their house. I tried to talk with my brother Luke about it but he didn’t really want to talk about it. I didn’t have the chance to talk to Mark about it. We only get together as a family twice a year, so I probably won’t see my brothers until this summer. I want to have a plan in place before then.

New Year’s Eve was a bust. Not a lot of people were able to come; some were sick and other’s had family plans. My best friend’s son came with his family; his wife, a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn. It was hectic and it’s been a long time since I had to worry about childproofing. Everyone was tired out. We didn’t play any games. I fell asleep while everyone was watching the Packer game. Everyone seemed to have a hard time making it to midnight. My son had a party next door and everyone left right after midnight too.

The weekend before was Christmas Eve at my best friend’s. We had the kids over for Christmas day and Paul’s step-dad stopped in with his fiancé later that evening. It was an excellent weekend. Paul and I even bought each other the same gift. The weekend before that was my mom’s extended family Christmas party. I am all partied out.

I cried after Thanksgiving was over. But with back to back parties several weekends, eating tons of rich foods and desserts, making Christmas cookies and chocolate martini’s, I think I’m ready to go back to my normal life. I only have two more Christmas parties to go… But I am done hosting. Too much of a good thing can be exhausting and that seems to make it easier to let go. Not to mention that 2023 was not a good year to write home about. Good riddance! This year I hope to get the blessings and joy package instead of the trials and tribulation pack.

So far 2024 seems pretty decent.

The darkest day of the year

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It’s been unseasonably warm here in Wisconsin. It looks like we will set an all time high record on Christmas day. No white Christmas for us this year. We barely had any snow fall yet. It doesn’t feel like Christmas is just a few days away.

Today on the darkest day of the year, I always think of my great-uncle Harold. He would’ve been 98 years old today. Every year on his birthday we would go to his house and celebrate with him. There would be steaks and pineapple upside down cake. Aunt Grace would serve food on the multi-colored Fiesta plates, the only day of the year they would leave the pantry. It was one of the few days we saw Harold laugh and tell stories. Most of the time, he was next door working on cars at the family business.

Harold died unexpectedly the year Paul and I got married. I remember the last time I saw him. Paul and I were visiting my family to tell them the exciting news we were going to have our first child. We were able to tell everyone except Uncle Harold. He was outside working on a car while talking to clients. We didn’t want to interrupt him so we asked Aunt Grace if she could share the news. That was the last time I saw him alive.

We never really know how much time someone has left. If I knew, maybe I would’ve waited longer to talk to Harold. I think that is where a lot of my irrational guilt kicks in. If I’d only known, I could’ve done something different. I’m starting to let go of things, but it takes time to process. I couldn’t prevent the suffering of the people I care about and that hurts.

I tried reaching out to our previous employee today. But it was too little too late. I haven’t seen her for 5 years and I thought I could do something to prevent her from struggling with addiction, from committing a crime, and even from the attempt I think she tried to make on her own life? I want to help people. I want to fix them but I can’t. It’s as if I am wanting to play God and even He does not step in to keep people from physically dying and making their own choices.

I am feeling a lot better today. I wasn’t feeling the greatest yesterday, but I decided to volunteer yesterday and I’m glad I did. For awhile I forgot about my own pain. I spent a half an hour holding the baby of a homeless teen mom. He brought me joy as I held him and made him laugh. The mom needed clothes for her kids and was on her last diaper. She is a single mom living in her car with a two-year old and a baby. We had a record number of people who came in needing help yesterday.

Yesterday we had a new woman sign up for help from Africa. She is a single parent who recently came to America. She doesn’t speak any English and has zero education. She lives in a bad neighborhood. What really struck me was that there were several women from the same community that only speak Swahili. They are all parents between the ages of 20-25, the ages of my own children. I can’t even imagine what that must be like and to have absolutely no education. There is a language barrier with a lot of families that come in. It’s my goal this new year to become fluent in at least one other language starting with Spanish because I do know a little from high school, like way back from the last century.

There was a woman who came in that got arrested last week for child abuse. Ever since my own daughter was arrested, it’s really changed my view of criminals. Offering to help someone in need does not equate with me agreeing with the choices they make. They are people too. I am not afraid of them as much anymore. But that doesn’t mean I would walk down an alley by myself at night in a bad neighborhood.

Then there was the lady who stayed at the domestic abuse house. There was the lady that didn’t know she was pregnant with twins until two months before they were born. The people who reek of alcohol, cigarettes, and weed. The mentally ill. The intellectually challenged. Those who are going back to school to try to build a better life. The grandparents raising grandchildren.

I can’t go back and change anything in the past. But I can move forward and help people today.

The places I volunteer at are really hurting for volunteers over the holidays. So I decided to sign up at the places the next two days. Tomorrow helping families in need and Saturday at the cat sanctuary. I almost enjoy holding the cats as much as I enjoy holding babies. I especially love the feral cats or the cats that don’t warm up well to other people.

Maybe I can do some good to negate some of the bad in the world.

Wishing for change

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It’s been a stressful start to the holiday week. Yesterday my colitis started to flare up. Thankfully, I was able to take it easy yesterday and today. But tomorrow is another story. I’m scheduled to volunteer twice this week. We are going to celebrate Christmas Eve with my best friend and her family. The kids will be here Christmas day. The following week is pretty much the same. My best friend’s birthday, a Christmas party here with my siblings and family, and friends over New Year’s Eve. I really don’t have time to be sick.

I’ve been feeling stressed out, but not about the holidays and the parties. Last week a previous employee of ours at the business we sold got arrested. It hit me hard. She is going through a really hard time with the loss of several close family members, got into addiction, and made some bad choices that hurt herself and other people. It’s a different story when you see someone you know on the nightly news. Much more personal. People are judging her harshly, but they only know a little of what was going on. This person was very supportive towards me when my daughter was in jail. But to be honest, I don’t want to get involved. I knew she needed help, but I couldn’t help her.

Over the weekend, we had our extended family Christmas party with my mom, her siblings, and their families. My mom got lost again getting there. She started crying when she saw some people. It’s becoming more apparent my mother is slipping into dementia. It’s really hard to face. She is taking care of my dad who cannot walk whom most of the family is estranged from. Plus she is the guardian of my disabled brother. Everything is a huge mess. I think I will have to have some difficult conversations with my brothers next week. I’m the oldest and the one who lives the closest, so a lot of the problems are going to fall on me.

I don’t want to get pulled into other people’s toxic situations when I am not feeling all that healthy myself. Things are going good with Arabella now, but I don’t think it’s always going to be that way. Yesterday her probation officer said she wasn’t allowed to date. If she does go out somewhere with someone, she is supposed to let him know. I think it’s a great rule, but I don’t know how it’s going to be enforced. I never thought it was a great idea to meet up with strangers online. She probably goes on somewhere around two dates per week.

Dealing with all of these issues that are really upsetting to me is not a really great way to handle stress. Some good did come out of it. With the situation of my previous employee, one of my other previous employees reached out that I haven’t heard from in 5 years and we are planning on catching up some time after the holidays.

I plan on reaching out to our previous employee to offer her support. I really feel horrible about the whole thing and wish there was something I could do. There is a part of me that feels guilty as if I could have prevented or changed things. But that thought is not rational. I just want to fix things by removing the suffering, but I’m experienced enough in life to know there is nothing I could’ve done.

My brothers are competent guys. I’m sure we can come up with a good plan of what the next steps are with my parents. I just wish it wasn’t this way, but wishing never changes things.

Sitting in the muck

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It’s hard to believe the first half of December is over already. A few days ago, I finished writing my book. Now hopefully no new traumas happen like the first time I finished my book. After that, I ended up rewriting most of the book I earlier finished. I’m going to take a couple weeks off and come January I will start the editing process. I’m going to try to blog more often again.

It’s been a busy month as most Decembers are. I am ready for Christmas though. The gifts are all bought and wrapped. Now I just have to get ready to host several parties in the next week or so.

Last weekend we got together with Paul’s step-dad Darryl, his fiancé, and another couple we haven’t seen in about 20 years. Darryl’s fiancé’s dad passed away back in May. He was in his mid-90s. Darryl’s fiancé is still feeling a lot of grief over his loss. It’s hard for me to understand her level of grief as he lived a very full life. Her therapist told her she needs to go out more. So we went out and had a really nice time visiting and catching up.

I was starting to feel a bit jealous. Not only did Darryl’s fiancé have a great relationship with her dad, but her therapist told her to go out more. I wish my therapist would say things like that. Last week my therapist told me to sit in the shit. She said I needed to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Why can’t I be told to go out more and have more fun in my life??

The last of November

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It’s hard to believe it’s been a whole week since Thanksgiving came and went.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Angel came home for a couple days while her husband was hunting. She had Wednesday off of work and came along with Paul and I while we volunteered helping families in need. Thanksgiving morning Paul and Angel got up early to run a local race. Then we had friends and family over for the evening meal. Everyone was on their best behavior. No drama, and almost everyone offered to help me with the cooking and clean up afterwards.

No one stayed really late as some of the guests had to work the next morning. Paul, Angel, and I went to listen to some of Alex’s new music he created for school. We had a great time talking and visiting. Arabella wasn’t very involved in the family celebration. While we were visiting later that evening, Arabella went out to meet someone from an online dating site. The guy told her he had to go to the ER. She drove an hour and sat outside the hospital for hours, then finally came home. The guy said he was sorry and wanted her account info so he could send her money for having to wait. Then Arabella came home and ate the rest of the deviled eggs I made, around a dozen which upset the rest of us. She tried to meet up closer to home with the guy the next day, but he did the same thing again making her wait. Once she said she wasn’t going to wait any longer, the guy ghosted her. She figured it was a scam and thankfully didn’t give out any of her account info. But it did cost her time with her family.

Friday morning Paul, Angel, Alex, and I went Christmas tree shopping at a nearby tree farm. Arabella didn’t want to get up early to go with. We had a great time anyway. It’s wonderful to have adult children in the area who still want to have family time even though they are all grown up. Angel had to leave shortly after we got back, but Alex stayed all day and hung out. After his girlfriend got done with work, we decorated the trees. We got two trees, one a traditional tree and one was a sparkly purple tree. Thankfully our new pets don’t seem too terribly interested.

Saturday was when things took a turn for me. I was so exhausted I had to take an hour nap in the morning and another hour nap in the afternoon. Everything seemed so perfect that it was such a letdown when it was over. I became irritable and there was some fighting, and crying on my part. Then I went to bed an hour early and slept 9 hours which is very unlike me. I thought something was wrong and was convinced it was the medicine I’m taking. The next day it was the same thing, napping in the morning and afternoon.

By the evening, I was in full blown PTSD. I was having flashbacks to childhood and feeling terror and fear towards my dad. I was so scared I wanted my grandma, but my mom wouldn’t let me go. My eyes darted back and forth and I cried a lot. These attacks don’t happen very often, but I felt very similar to when I was having the pseudo seizures earlier this year. I did some research and it seems it is not uncommon for people to struggle with both PTSD and pseudo seizures.

I think I was triggered by several things. First, it was the anniversary of when my daughter found child porn on my dad’s computer. It was the beginning of one of the darkest periods in my adult life. Two months after that was Arabella’s first suicide attempt and her descent into serious mental illness. I was reading a book about Borderline and was irritated she didn’t make the effort to spend time with family. Second, there is a commercial where a Santa character looks exactly like my dad. I even saw it yesterday while I was getting gas at the gas station. Apparently, it’s unavoidable.

I am feeling much better now. It usually lasts two days and then it goes away. This was the first time Paul sat with me through an episode.

What’s happening this week 10/26/23

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It’s been dreary and non-stop raining all week. We had a couple thunderstorms and torrential downpours. The rain came down so hard it flooded Arabella’s room downstairs. What a mess! This is the third time the room flooded since we’ve been here. The first time it flooded, it was Alex’s room and a couple hours later we needed to be ready for my uncle’s wedding. The second time, the room was vacant. This time though I think Paul figured out the problem. But early that morning he was outside digging a trench in the thunderstorm to keep more water from pouring in.

There is always something that needs fixing around this ancient mansion. Last week the industrial humidifier died which is going to be a costly replacement. We might have to keep our indoor pool covered for quite awhile until we can figure that problem out. I know, first world problems.

Other than some house related stuff, everything is going really well. Paul has been diligently training the dogs and pretty soon with the invisible fence system they will be able to roam our yard. The dogs and cats are not on the best terms yet, but that could take awhile.

Arabella went in for a job interview earlier this week. They hired her on the spot and she started working the next day. I am thankful she was able to find employment. It seems like they will give her plenty of hours. So far the job is going great. They weren’t too worried about her record when she told them either. They told her they have people working there on the bracelet. My son’s girlfriend works in a restaurant as well. From the stories they tell me, you would be surprised how many restaurant workers have criminal records. As for right now, Arabella is doing the best we could expect of her.

I also found out since my son’s car is over fifteen years old, he doesn’t need to have an inspection after fixing up his totaled car after someone ran a red light and smashed it. For that I am overjoyed. The inspection is a rigorous process. They need receipts and very detailed documentation we didn’t have. Apparently, they are more concerned about newer cars with stolen parts not how safe the car is to drive on our roads. With that being said, Alex is now driving his car and not borrowing mine. He just started his second quarter of classes at the tech school. He absolutely loves school which is something I would’ve never dreamed of in a million years.

Angel is doing very well too. We had one of her friends over this week for a test run of a cookie decorating class she wants to teach. I’ve discovered I am not an artist. I just don’t have the patience for arts and crafts. I always blame it on being left handed. But the truth is, I am not very patient to sit around and putz with things. It was fun to try something new and the cookies taste great. Her friend is very talented and I ordered some of her treats and cookies for Paul’s birthday party. It’s nice she wanted to do a test run with my family.

I’m grateful my kids are in a good place right now. I am going to enjoy it as much as I can before the winds change.

I’m pretty much ready for winter. It’s so hard to believe it will be November next week. We are expecting a cold front to come in after all this rain stops. Maybe the next time I talk about the weather, we’ll have our first snow flurries. This week I finished washing the windows and taking off the summer screens. I want to get started on a landscaping project before the snow falls and rent a dumpster for the fall purge. Then I will hunker down for the winter and do a lot of writing.

What’s happening this week-10/19/23

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Fall has arrived and the sailing season is officially over. I’m sad to see summer go, but I’ve adjusted to this expected change. The leaves changed color and most trees have passed their peak but it’s still incredibly beautiful. It’s dark when I wake up and in the evening while I’m making supper. I’m not sure how my body knows when it’s morning.

Arabella’s jail friend with the Hannibal Lector tattoo is back in jail and will probably be in there for a long time. We don’t have to worry about that for awhile. She was respectful to us, but she was really rough and we were fearful of her as she was convicted of violent and drug related crimes. The other day Paul and I were watching the news and saw a guard was assaulted at the jail and we were waiting for the pronoun to see if it could be Arabella’s friend.

Arabella is doing alright. She was upset with me this week. I went to get more of her things from Will at their old apartment. She still is in love with him and wanted me to deliver messages to him from her which I refused to do. She has a no contact order for another two years and I am not going to be the in between. She said she was going to go over to the apartment to ask him if he still loves her. But after an hour and a long conversation with Paul, she settled down.

The probation officer visited our house. Apparently he had to create a layout of our house in case the SWAT team ever has to come. He also had to make sure we didn’t have a meth lab or had any prisoners in our house. I’m not sure what he meant by prisoners. If we were harboring a prisoner or if we had someone chained up in our house.

Last week I caught Arabella smoking weed. I keep telling her that I’m sure absolute sobriety will be a part of her probation. But she said it wouldn’t be because her crime was not drug or alcohol related. I asked her if she wanted to take the chance of going back to jail and being a convicted felon at 20. She doesn’t listen. I’ve done my part at preaching to her. She didn’t get into the mess she was in by making good decisions. Now it’s up to her and I have to let it go.

Otherwise, I’m right where I want to be in my life right now. This is the time of year to get back into writing more. I’m working very part-time for my husband’s business. I volunteer once a week at the animal shelter and at a faith based organization that gives out diapers and clothing to families in need.

Last week at the organization that helps families in need, there was a new person helping out. She told us all 4 of her kids are in the ministry. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way because it came across as bragging and being better than everyone else. I was tempted to say that my two oldest kids are musicians and my youngest is unemployed, living in our basement, and on probation. Thankfully Arabella has had a couple job interviews and more set up.

I felt like I couldn’t relate to this woman. But I had to change the way I viewed things. Paul and I can relate more to the people who come in that are struggling. We know what it’s like to have a kid in jail. We know what it’s like to deal with family who are mentally ill and struggling with addiction. My husband grew up in a home with an uneducated single teen parent. He knows what it is like to live in low income housing in poverty. We know what it is like to raise children without a lot of family support. We can use all of our life experiences to help others who are going through it because we’ve been there.

This weekend we have an out of town wedding, a Halloween costume party, and our son will be playing with his band. It should be a fun weekend.

What’s happening this week-10/12/23

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Within a matter of a week, it went from summer to winter. No snow flurries yet, but it’s windy and cool. Yesterday I dragged out the bin of winter clothes. We didn’t turn on the heat yet though.

On Tuesday morning I went in for my colonoscopy and endoscopy. I opted to go the pill route versus drinking the awful solution which meant I had to start with a special diet on Saturday. Then on Monday at 5 PM I had to take a dozen pills and then another dozen at 3 AM. I pretty much stayed up most of the night and felt like crap. I did nod off to sleep for a little bit, then jumped up freaking out that I missed the second dose oversleeping the alarm I set. Let’s just say, I’m glad that is over.

Things have been stressful with the adoption of three new pets. It’s been an adjustment. The cats get along amazingly, even better than I anticipated, which is great. But the dogs are still having a hard time acclimating to the cats. They want to bark and chase. We put up a couple baby gates. It’s getting better, but the dogs are a lot of work and at times it seems impossible to get anything done within the timeframe I planned for.

I feel lowkey sad. I’m not sure why. I think it has to do with the changing of the seasons. Everything has been going fine. Dan and Angel are doing great. My son got his car back from the garage and hopefully will be getting the inspection soon so he doesn’t have to borrow my car. Arabella is doing good. She had a job interview today for a server position. I’m glad she is starting to look for work. I think it is going to be a lot harder for her to find a job now. Next week her probation officer wants to come to the house. I’m sure they can understand more after doing a home visit. Paul and I were instructed to not ask him a whole bunch of questions.

Really not a lot going on like the last couple of weeks. I will post some animal pictures soon.

How is it October already??!?

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I can’t believe it’s October already. It’s time to get back to writing more often again. Today ushered the end of the warm summer days. We covered our pool. It’s always such a difficult time of year knowing there will be many dark days ahead. I do love fall though. It is my second favorite season after summer.

This week the adoption papers went through for my shelter cat and right now he is sitting on my lap helping me type these words. He is such a lovey dove. I promise I will show you pictures very soon of my new pets. But right now we are trying very hard to get them used to each other without any big fights. No easy task which tries our patience.

We had some record high temps in the last couple of days. I did my best to try to get outside and enjoy them. Paul had a great birthday party last weekend. The weather was absolutely unbelievably perfect. Everything went great. We had a fire in the evening and the band played for a long time. We had a lot of good food. I did all the cleaning and cooking. But this time if people offered to help by bringing food, I let them. Even Paul’s stepdad brought a camper and parked it in our yard reminiscent of cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon’s. It’s really not a party until someone shows up with a camper.

Although, we did get some bad news. My friend Lisa tried killing herself. Her husband, who was working out of town, thought something was up and had the police check on her. By the time they got there, Lisa was unconscious and had to be airlifted to the hospital. They put her on a ventilator. This wasn’t her first attempt and I am very afraid for her. She had a very traumatic upbringing and experienced a tremendous amount of loss. She never got past the grief of the death of her daughter in a car accident.

When Lisa showed up at the party, she told me about how she was just released from the hospital. She looked terrible. I’ve never seen her so rough before. She had too much to drink. I really wish I could do something, anything, to help her. But through my own life experiences, I found there is nothing I can really do. I don’t have any control over it. I wish I did. Lisa is one of my best friends and if something happened to her I would be devastated.

Life otherwise has been busy but rather quiet. Just feeling worry about my friend…worry about the pets getting along with each other…the letdown after the big party…the end of summer…

One thing is constant and that is change. My son’s roommate moved out. Our neighbors are moving. I feel pretty neutral about it. The uncertainty comes with who is going to move in. Everything went good with them until they had a baby. Honestly, I think the guy is pretty embarrassed he yelled at my son and his friends for lighting off fireworks on the 4th. He lost his cool and I don’t think that happens often. He works for the foster care program and he was out yelling at some kids.

We finally met our other neighbors. They seem pretty chill. I told them we got two Beagles. They told us they have 10 free range chickens. What could possibly go wrong?? They also said if something happens to their chickens they wouldn’t be upset with us.

That’s about it. I don’t have big plans for the weekend besides preparing for my colonoscopy early next week. Sounds like a good time. Not!