Driving? Me crazy

Last week my son got his driver’s license.

Initially I was happy to have another driver in the house. That makes a total of 4 drivers now. There is a bit of anxiety on my part having teen drivers. Although it is very nice having hours of extra time in the early mornings, evenings, and weekends not having to take them to practice, events, work, or social activities.

Apparently, a lot of other parents feel the same way I do. Well, the part about not wanting to have to spend hours of their week transporting kids. Angel even gets paid to provide transportation for other people’s kids. Really, it sucks that much! When you are single, you can go out on a Friday night. Married people without kids can do whatever they like. Even staying home is not that bad. You could have a nice romantic evening at home sipping wine watching Netflix.

Parents don’t have that luxury. Nowadays there are just as many events on the weekends as there are on the work days. The endless birthday parties, dances, events, tournaments, etc… Even going out on a Friday night is not sacred anymore. Sorry I can’t go, my teen has plans.. So, I totally understand.

Now that my son has his license, we are experiencing new problems that we never faced before. Angel was the absolute last kid in her circle of friends to get her license. Alex is the first. All of a sudden, he is the most popular guy around. Everyone wants a ride. But there is one problem, probationary license restrictions. He is only allowed to have one passenger that is under 18 and non family. We told him that we expect him to follow the law.

Over the weekend, Paul and I went sailing for the day. We weren’t very far from home, however a half an hour drive would take several hours on the boat. To be honest with you, I stalk my kids. While I was in the harbor, trying to relax, I noticed that my son was not where he said he was going to be. When I asked him where he was and what he was doing, his response was very elusive.

Of course, my mother mind goes right for the worst. I imagine that his girlfriend broke up with him and he is looking for a cliff to jump off of. Maybe he was drinking or doing drugs?? Drag racing my car? Getting into fights? Left for dead on the side of the road?? Parking with his girlfriend? A friend called me grandma last week and told me to get used to it. ALL bets are on my son to be the first to make that happen. What can I say? I am an anxious, worried sick, terrified mother of teenagers!

Later Alex told me what happened. He is honest to a fault. He picked up his girlfriend and her best friend disobeying his driving restrictions. He said that he spoke to each girl’s parents and explained his restrictions. They said that they didn’t mind as long as they didn’t have to do any driving. The new form of law breaking peer pressure. “But mom, I drive safer when I disobey my restrictions. I drive the speed limit”. Yeah, I heard that from a lot of drunk drivers too. 

But what is it to the other parents? They don’t have to do all of the driving. They have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Whereas, my son could lose his license if he gets in trouble often enough. Points are doubled for a probationary license. I’m sure there would be a hefty fine. Plus our car insurance rates would skyrocket. God knows that he is not getting the good student discount.

What does he get out of disobeying? He is winning the approval and becoming well liked by his friends and their parents. Automatic brownie points with the new girlfriend’s parents since she lives over 20 minutes away. Why would he want to listen to us after achieving this newfound popularity? 

Maybe I am making a big deal about nothing. It could be a lot worse. It could be texting and driving. Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Drag racing. Road rage. Lead foot. Highway hypnosis. Aahhh! I can’t worry about everything! Can I? Will I? I will try not worry about what I don’t have control over. I have to let God take the wheel and drive!!

God help me! I have teen drivers.

Ready to call it a day…

It has been a long day…

Paul and I awoke this morning at 6 AM by the jarring ring of his cell phone. His busybody cousin was calling early to tell him that she thought his mother needed more home care. His mother has been in and out of the hospital over the past month with terminal cancer. Martha insisted that she didn’t need home care. His cousin who is a CNA that acts like a doctor said that Martha was lying. Then she started accusing Paul for not being there more. This is a cousin that we have not seen for about 15 years. She swooped in out of nowhere and started taking charge. Paul suggested that if she has a problem with Martha’s care, then she should talk to Martha’s husband Darryl. 

It really wasn’t the best start this morning. Paul felt so offended by his cousin. It is always so terrifying to have a late night or early morning call when you have a dying parent. Who does that?? 

Then I scrambled to work for a half day to find out that the employee that would be covering for me in the afternoon couldn’t make it in because her brother-in-law had a heart attack. Oh, and she told me that she had to take my birthday off for a doctor appointment after I already made plans. So I had to cancel my birthday plans. 

At this point, I am feeling stressed and angry. Not a good morning at all.

I took the afternoon off of work to take my son in for his driving test. We spent a couple of hours before the test having a “crash” course on driving. He only got honked at once. Then he went in and passed the test. Afterwards, he started asking if he could borrow the car for the weekend to hang out with his friends. So now this starts?? I’ve accepted the fact that I am not his number one hang buddy. He is finally starting to talk to me more. Last night he even hung out with me and played his favorite rap songs. I can’t say that I approved of all the lyrics. But he wanted to hang out with me, so I tolerated it. Pathetic, I know. Wait until you have a teenage son that never comes out of his room. I did get a few new running songs though.

Then this evening I have plans to organize Angel’s graduation party. It is only a few weeks away and I have no idea what I am doing. I am not a crafty mom at all. 

I am ready to call it a day already!

Getting my feet wet

I survived freshman college orientation today without being too much of an embarrassment. Well, except when I straightened my daughter’s hair for her ID picture. Seriously, I was doing her a favor. Who wants an ackward picture with hair sticking out wrong for the next four years?

Being absolutely serious now, the hardest transition for me right now as a parent is viewing my daughter as an adult. For the last 18 years, I held her hand and made decisions about her life for her. Not anymore. 

It is like having a red car for a really long time, then painting it blue. It still is the same car, but different. Everytime you try to find your car in the parking lot, you look for a red car. It is an adjustment. It requires a change of thought. It is a little scary. Things aren’t the way they used to be and I can’t change it back.

Angel can’t wait for college to start. I don’t even think that she will be homesick. It will be different not having her home every night. In fact, she will be far enough away that she will only come home over college break. 

I am going to spend as much time as I can with her before she leaves home in two months. 

With that being said, we just arrived at the waterpark this evening. I think it’s time to dry my eyes and get my feet wet!

Road trip

Angel and I decided to go on a little road trip.

Tomorrow is Angel’s freshman college orientation. Then we are heading to Wisconsin Dells for one full day at the water park. We are ending the road trip with my cousin’s wedding in Milwaukee this weekend. 

It was a long and fairly uneventful several hour drive to Angel’s new home. We saw the smallest little Bambi come out to us in the middle of the road without hitting it. We saw Amish children working in their gardens while the Amish men were working their fields with several large horses. I saw a very large man cross the road to get his mail in shorts. Little images stick in my head from the road. The men at the first stop and go light holding signs asking for change for a burger wearing better clothes than mine. The waitress at the restaurant who exchanged numbers with my daughter because they would be attending the same college together for the first time in the fall. The rest was a blur of people, places, and things but mainly fields. Field after field as we wound through small towns.

I left a list behind. A list of things that I do. Chores that need to be done on certain days. I entertain this fantasy that the others can’t live a few days without me. You would be proud of me, I let go of perfectionism when it comes to chores. I let the kids help out. I give them chore lists. I also implemented a cooking rotation. The kids get to pick out the recipe, shop for ingredients, help make the food, and clean up one day a week one kid at a time. I have given up a lot of control.

I remember a conversation with the mom of Alex’s first girlfriend. She told me that she does not allow her children to do anything because they don’t do it up to her standards. No laundry, no cleaning, and absolutely no cooking. She said that she was OCD that way. I thought about the words she said for a long time, in fact longer than the relationship lasted. I thought that I didn’t want my kids to end up marrying someone that didn’t know how to do anything. Then I pointed the finger back at myself because I really was the same way. I never wanted my kids to do anything either because it really wasn’t perfect enough. How is that going to prepare them for the future?? It doesn’t. So I decided to let go.

I give them chores and I look the other way when it is not clean enough. Sometimes I rewash the dishes. Some of my kids seem to realize that their lack of cleanliness bothers me. Sometimes they do a crappy job in hopes that they will no longer be asked. But it doesn’t work that way. 

I think that everyone will survive just fine without me for a few days. After all, they will be living a long adulthood without mommy being there to clean up their messes. 

I am planning on enjoying this road trip and spending some time with my daughter as adults all alone on an adventure…

Will you still love me…

This time I am struggling to find the right words to say. I really don’t know how I feel. Some days I just want it to be over. I want to be done with this job. I don’t want to worry anymore. Maybe if I don’t see it I can pretend that it is not there.

It is getting harder now. Harder than I ever thought it would be when, for a short time, I held your tiny hand in mine. Sometimes I long for the easier days when I felt like I had some small iota of control. Back when you were dependent on me for everything, when I meant the world to you.

We told you that you could come to us if you were in trouble but I still wasn’t ready to hear, “Mom, I screwed up”. Those words hit me like a punch in the gut. I felt worried sick. I wanted to scream, cry, and yell. But I knew my response was going to dictate whether or not you would trust me again. I had to remain calm.

I tried to find the answers to my questions on google, but it made me more fearful. I paced the floor. I wanted to run. You asked me if you would be in trouble. How can I be upset with you for being honest? If you didn’t tell me, I probably would’ve never known.

Lately you have been asking me if I would still love you if you decided to make a total mess of your life. I am happy that you feel like you can talk to me openly and honestly about your struggles.

I just never knew it would be so hard.

 

Our house (a.k.a. Grand Central Station)

This past weekend we noticed it for the first time. My son is now taller than my husband. When did this happen? Has Alex been hiding out in his room for so long that we just didn’t notice? He does come out every couple of hours to eat. Oh, the eating habits of a teenage boy! It reminds me of an old Looney Tunes cartoon with all of the food sitting out at a picnic when the ants come shave through it all. A big juicy watermelon with nothing left but a rind. All the food in the cupboards, gone before anyone else gets a chance to eat it unless it is very healthy.

Alex will be turning 16 this week. I already have an appointment set up for his driving test and we have been practicing. Honestly, I can’t wait until he has his license. I told you last week that he had a birthday party to go to the evening before I had to wake up very early for my 10k. It sure would’ve been nice if he could drive then.

I left this story off with being upset that Alex’s friend PJ’s mom cancelled out of picking up the boys from the party last minute. Well, it turns out that PJ never asked his mom until a couple of hours before they needed a ride. This time it was PJ’s fault. PJ has been hanging out at our house a lot over the past week because he doesn’t have internet at his house. At first, I thought that this was pathetic but now I’m wondering if this is a genius move on the parents part. First of all, their teens never want to be home so they have the house to themselves. Second, none of their kids friends want to spend the night because there is absolutely nothing to do. So they don’t end up having almost a dozen teens at their house like I practically did all weekend. Pure genius! 

Sometimes I fantasize about a quiet and clean house. I am not going to complain though. It seems like Alex is finally hanging around some better kids. Although two of his best friends are moving to different states this next week. 

After the birthday party, Alex tried to convince me that I wanted to have his 3 friends overnight in a tent before my race the next day. Absolutely not! Plus we ended up getting pretty severe storms Friday night. My daughter Angel decided that she wanted to go up north with her friend for the first time alone. I decided to let her since she is old enough to get credit card applications in the mail Geez! 

The girls ended up getting caught in the storm. They were swimming when the sky turned dark as night. They went to a bar and grill to eat and take shelter from the storm. When they got there, the power went out. The waitress lit candles, the chefs couldn’t cook. They told customers to go to another restaurant nearby that still had power. When Angel and her friend got there, it was so packed that there was nowhere to even sit. They ended up following the storm home in a horror movie setting with lightening, bloody orange skies, and branches that grabbed at the car like claws. The storm awoke the animals from their slumber. Angel almost hit a deer and a bear lingered in the middle of the road. 

Sometimes I wonder what the neighbor’s think! Being the parents of 3 teenagers sometimes we have 10 cars in our driveway but no one is home. It is ALWAYS Grand Central Station. The lights are on 24 hours a day. I am the one that goes to bed the earliest and I don’t even consider myself a morning person. My son is turning off the lights to go to bed as my husband is waking up.

Paul has been waking up at 5 almost every morning to work on his lines. He has 450 lines to memorize for the summer play. In less than a month, he almost has all of his lines down. He wakes up before the crack of dawn and sits out on the deck and repeats his lines out loud over and over. Yesterday, he woke up at 4:30. He was out on the deck talking to himself when the neighbor, who gets up early for work, let his dog out. The neighbor glanced down in embarrassment when he noticed my husband mumbling to himself on the deck. Hilarious! People think we are crazy!! With good reason, I guess!

Tonight Alex’s new girlfriend came over for supper. I was finally able to meet her. A mother is almost required not to like any girlfriend that her only son brings home, right?? She seems very quiet and nice. 

Less than an hour

It sure was a hot run yesterday. With the heat I wasn’t able to achieve a PR for yesterday’s 10k. I still finished under an hour which was my updated goal for this race. Even Lisa, the fastest runner in our group, wasn’t able to beat my previous times. She still finished ahead of me though. At mile 4, I started feeling a little light headed and my knee started to ache. But I kept pushing on. It is easier to talk your mind into running hard for a 10k after having a hard run a few weeks back at the marathon. 

With the heat, everyone in my group added on about 7 minutes to their PR for this race. Angel’s boyfriend Mitch completed his first 10k. I beat his time by a couple of minutes. I think that he would have been faster if he didn’t take a bathroom break at mile 2. Oh, and if he didn’t have to stop to throw up when the finish line was in sight. Maybe if he actually trained, he could be a really good runner. I spent the ride home giving him unsolicited advice on how to be a better runner. How annoying, right?? Since Mitch and Angel have been a serious couple for over 2 1/2 years, there is a possibility of me being a potential mother-in-law which severely limited his ability to tell me to shut up. 

I was satisfied with the results of the race. I finished in the top 10% of my age group and overall female participants. So, for today, I will not talk about how much I suck even though I would’ve liked a PR. Sometimes I feel so competitive that I think something is wrong with me. My husband and I listed each other as emergency contacts. Then I thought with the heat that perhaps this was a bad idea. If my husband collapsed at mile 2 and I was at mile 4 I would probably finish and go back for him later. Talk about being a kind and compassionate wife.   I just want to kick some butt!

After the race, we decided to go for a sail to swim in the ice cold water to cool off. The temps went from 80 to 90 degrees in the matter of a few hours with high humidity and winds that whipped enough for a good sail. We also went from having 5 teenagers in the house before the race up to having 8 in a matter of a few hours too. But we couldn’t take everyone sailing. 

Paul and I asked Alex the night before if he wanted to sail and he said “no”. So we stuck with our plan to take Angel and Mitch. We also took Arabella and her best friend. Arabella’s BFF has red hair and the whitest skin I have ever seen. Her skin burns when she looks outside at the sun through a window. She spent a lot of time hiding in the cabin of the boat. The winds were strong enough to heel pretty good, so strong that Angel went running towards the side of the boat in the middle of a jibe because she thought she would be sick. Thankfully, however, that has never happened yet even with rum dumb Randy last week. We had a great time at the beach and even found some friends to tie up next to. Let the summer fun begin!

All in all, it was a great day. I won’t complain about the hot days because we have been waiting a long time for this. Although, my friend did ask me to tell her when I sign up for another race so she doesn’t. Seems like it is always hot. I have never had to race in stormy weather though. 

Racing sure was a great way to spend (less than) an hour of my time!  

Hot cross runs

This weekend marks the second anniversary of my first race, a 1ok. I started running races 0ne month before I turned 40. Since then I have run two 5k’s, three 10k’s, one half, and two fulls. I remember that first race very well. I was terrified, not just by all of the people in the race, but by all of the spectators as well. My knees felt wobbly. I was running on rubber chicken legs which wasn’t exactly the kind of rubber I wanted to burn! I felt like running away from the race course, but there were too many people to make my escape. So I concentrated on running as fast as I could and finished in a little over 50 minutes.

The following year, I tried to beat my time from the first 10k. I missed that goal by 45 seconds. My acid reflux was acting up last year to the point where I was quite uncomfortable. I thought that maybe this will be the year for a PR. Tomorrow when I run my 10k, we are expecting temps in the 80’s with high humidity and full sun. This will be the hottest running conditions that I have had to race in. But I am still going to try my hardest even though I think I am being a bit foolish to do so. I foresee this being a big PRoblem with a capital PR.

When I ran the marathon in May, it was the hottest day of the year so far. I don’t do very well under those conditions. We have had only one hot day since the marathon, otherwise it has been cool. Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 90’s. We typically only reach that temperature a couple of times in the summer. No one will be ready for that kind of heat. I received an email yesterday warning of the heat urging people along the race route to put out sprinklers and to be on the look out for collapsing runners. Plus they are going to set up extra water stations and provide ice.

I will not be running this race alone. Lisa, Paul, and Angel’s boyfriend will be running it too. Lisa got a highly coveted position in corral 1. She finished her first 10k in under 50 minutes. She also completed her first marathon last year in a little over 4 hours which may have been a reason why my expectations were so high. We used to be running partners. She was always better though. Then she moved to Florida. She started working full-time, didn’t run as much, and spent the weekends at the beach. She gained 15 lbs and hasn’t been able to run over 2 miles without stopping. She doesn’t have the confidence that she can be where she once was.

Then there is my husband Paul. He has been running before I even started but never went beyond a 10k. He runs for fun not competitively like Lisa and I. Don’t get me wrong though, he is very tough. He created quite a stir in the neighborhood because for the first couple of years he was a barefoot runner. Yes, it’s true, he ran on the country roads with rocks and glass without anything on his feet at all. Crazy!

He would come home from a run with feet that looked like ground hamburger. He developed rough callouses that scratched holes into the sheets at night. After every run, he had to bandage his bloody feet. Then something happened, the bottom of his feet became tough as leather. I could never do that. I can’t stand being barefoot.

Everywhere we went, people would come up and ask him why he ran barefoot. Some even offered to buy him shoes. Eventually, he ended up buying a pair of minimalist shoes. He has had them for years and they never seem to wear out. It became harder to recondition his feet after every winter.

Angel’s boyfriend signed up for the run last night minutes before the race registration closed. Someone told him that they didn’t think he would be able to do it. So he signed up. He hasn’t trained at all but spends many hours in the gym working out. One time he ran over 30 miles in a day for fun without spending tons of money and getting a “free” banana. Over the summer he is a 2nd shift worker, so I told him he could come after work and sleep on the couch since he lives a lot further away from the race than the rest of us. (I was also worried that he might oversleep the carpool.)

Then this afternoon my son called me to tell me that there was a slight problem with his plans tonight. We had this whole carpooling thing worked out with a group of moms. Alex and some of his buddies got a ride to stay over at a friends house to do some gaming. Then another friend’s mom was going to hand the baton over to me. I was going to take the boys and drop them off at a birthday party tonight at 8. Then another mom was going to pick them up at 11:30 PM to have them home by midnight. Guess what? The last mom in the relay backed out last minute. Thanks a lot! The responsible parents always get stuck with all of the work!!

My son wanted me to pick the boys up at 11:30 and have all 3 of his friends spend the night. That would add the grand total of teenagers in my house to 7 spending the night tonight. Fat chance!

I told him that I would pick him up no later than 10:30 to be home by 11 PM and only one friend could stay overnight as earlier agreed upon. So I guess I won’t be getting my 8 hours of beauty sleep tonight. I will somehow have to manage to wake up at 5:30 AM after having 5 teens in the house. I am really feeling angry at the mom for backing out last minute!

Who has a party for their 15 year old until 11:30 PM anyway?? Crazy!!

We’ll see what tomorrow brings for us. Against my better judgment, I am going to try for a PR. I will not beat myself up if I don’t get it. It will be really hot out, I won’t get any sleep, and all this stress is giving me a stomach ache. Thankfully, it is only a 10k.

 

Graduation day


This past weekend, it happened. My oldest child grew up and graduated from high school. It was a very busy weekend with a whirlwind of activity which I am sure to write about in the next couple of days.

I just wanted to let you know that I made it through the whole graduation ceremony without crying. Phew! I started the day by putting on lots of black eye makeup. I told myself that I can’t cry because I would look like a raccoon for the pictures. So we took this before picture just in case. Then both Paul and Angel admonished me in advance about not taking too many pictures. I admit I am rather trigger happy when it comes to taking pictures of important events.

During the graduation, the choir sang a very touching song. The mothers in front of me were recording it and crying. Paul nudged me several times about getting out in front and taking pictures. I didn’t want to cut off the crying moms. I also felt rather irritated with Paul bugging me about taking pictures when he said earlier not to go overboard. Although, it ended up being a blessing since it probably stopped me from sobbing my eyes out.

I did my fair share of crying over graduation the past couple of weeks.

I decided to make a conscious effort to be happy for Angel. She has such a promising future ahead of her. That is something to be happy and excited about, not to mope and cry about. But bets were placed anyway whether or not I would cry.

The great news was that all of Angel’s grandparents were able to make it to the graduation. We were very surprised to see Martha there. She decided to skip her chemo appointment in order to make sure that she felt good enough to go. She realized how important it was to Angel to be there. I am thankful for that!

Afterwards, we had a small pizza party at our house to celebrate. It was a very nice day!

Graduation anticipation

Today I want to talk some more about graduation. Eons ago, when I graduated from high school, we had to sit a couple of hours in a warm stinky gym. The mothers cried while the teens rejoiced in their new found freedom. We listened to someone talk for what seemed like hours in a monotone voice (of course!) saying something about this being the first day of the rest of our lives…blah, blah, blah… Now let’s get out of this school and on with our lives. We knew it all already. Why do we need someone telling us what to do? Graduation lasted for a few hours for one day. You’d think that some things, like graduation ceremonies, never change. Right? Nope.

For the last several weeks now we have been celebrating graduation with the seniors. It started out with the senior tea, which was really a mother-daughter banquet for the senior girls. No, we didn’t even drink a lick of tea. We did watch the jazz choir perform. Then between that and all of the other pre-graduation events, we had a slew of the last of everything. The last choir concert where we said good bye to the seniors. Last, last, last, last, last..

Then there was the senior scholarship banquet. Thankfully, Angel applied for many scholarships and received a few since the college she selected is far from cheap. Then last night there was the senior banquet for the parents and their graduate. We had a meal followed by the class picks. Angel was picked as the most musical in her class. Then we watched a slide presentation of pictures from over the senior year. The slide presentation went very fast before we could even focus on the images we were seeing. It went almost as fast as the senior year. Then they had baby pictures followed by senior pictures. ***Insert tears here*** 

What happened next floored me. They filmed showing the graduates items that they had to identify such as a fax machine, a pager, a camera with a flash bulb tower, and a floppy disc. The seniors could not identify the items. Really, where did the time go?? Then they had teachers close to my age answer questions. They asked, “What is a bae?” Apparently, it is not a large body of water. What is a tinder? Apparently not kindling to start a fire. I leaned over and asked Angel what a tinder was again. She said it was a hook up site. Hhmmm, a hook up to kindle a fire?  Certainly not. I can’t even imagine online dating. I have never felt so old!

The events over the past several week have been confusing. Sometimes we had to dress up, sometimes it was casual, and sometimes they had to wear their caps and gowns. I never could figure out what to wear. This morning was the award ceremony. Apparently this event required a cap and gown but Angel not know that. She drove 20 minutes to school and realized that she needed it. She called home upset saying that she wouldn’t be able to graduate. Angel started driving back home but was almost out of gas with no money. Paul ended up running her cap and gown to the school early since I didn’t even take a shower yet or get my dress clothes on. Yikes! It all worked out in the end.

On the way to the award ceremony, I had the radio on. I heard the song Rumpshaker that was popular when I was Angel’s age. Tears threatened to erupt from my eyes once more. Over the stupid song Rumpshaker! Geez. I was thinking about how old I was feeling. Hearing an old song made me think of the time that I thought I knew everything. I realize now that I am old and still don’t know anything. My eyes started watering, but I couldn’t have raccoon eyes before I even got to the school. Get a grip!

The awards ceremony lasted several hours. I sat next to the valedictorian’s mother. The valedictorian’s parents are both doctors. She was picked as the most likely to succeed. She earned 75% of the awards. She has a brilliant I’m going to find the cure for cancer mind. Angel won a few awards too. She received the top music student award. She has an incredible record for music performance including earning 3 exemplary awards at state. You can only earn that award for solos that have a perfect score. Angel earned 3 awards, a new record for the school. The valedictorian’s mother leaned over and congratulated me on my daughter’s success. I was shocked at her kindness since her daughter received more awards than she could carry. 

Now after having half my calendar booked this month with pre-graduation events, the big event is this weekend. I am sure that a few parents will be crying in relief that it is finally over. Did I just say that?? Not to mention the kids having finals this week and having countless graduation practices. Tomorrow is graduation cap and gown practice and pictures. Then a summer of endless graduation parties. I still have a few invites to send out, pictures to find, and a party to plan. Okay, maybe graduation does not end after graduation…

Today my neighbors brought their newborn baby home from the hospital. It seems like yesterday that I was doing the same.