12 days

We finally found a dress for Arabella at a bridal store whose tag line was something like it’s all about you. Arabella laughed at that one. She said her sister would kill her if she made it about her. Instead of department stores and boutiques, my best friend Cindy suggested dress shopping at a bridal store. Back in the day, before I met her, she worked at a bridal store and knows a lot about dresses. I really give her the credit for helping Arabella find a dress.

It was a very challenging experience because Arabella is not very proportionate. She must’ve tried on at least a dozen dresses before we found the right one. We had to find the largest sizes and they still didn’t fit the bust and were large everywhere else. There was one we were thinking of getting, but even that dress needed a lot of alterations to fit properly. Most of them did not fit at all and the rest of them showed most of her cleavage. If there is one complaint about bridesmaid type dresses right now it’s that they are very low cut. As the mother of the bride and bridesmaid, I do not want my cleavage hanging out. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to wear a low cut dress with a lot of cleavage to anyone’s wedding.

We pretty much exhausted every option for Arabella at the bridal store when we found ‘the dress’. She was fading fast and said she was pretty much done trying on dresses being very discouraged with the process and selection. As a last ditch effort, I started looking for dresses in the granny section. That is where I found the dress. It looks a lot like the dress my mom picked out. It was even the right color! It had a sparkly old lady poncho over a nice dress. I knew my daughter was going to say no way. But I told her to try it on anyway. I convinced her by saying she didn’t have to wear the ugly poncho over it and it was the last dress to try on. She tried it on and it fit perfectly. No alterations needed. It took a granny dress to find something that fit without showing too much cleavage. Sad, but we are done!

We were so overjoyed to find the perfect dress in the right color that didn’t need alterations. Now I think I’m ready for the wedding. My son’s girlfriend didn’t have a dress yet either. So I am letting her borrow one of my new dresses I never had a chance to wear because COVID cancelled the event I was going to. It looks amazing on her and matched my son’s dress clothes perfectly as well. Finally things are coming together. Just 12 more days…

19 days

My son didn’t have to work today so I took him shopping to find dress clothes for my daughter’s wedding. It took 15 minutes, in and out. The first shop. The first set of clothes he tried on. I guessed correctly his shirt and pants size. Everything was the right color scheme. Found some black dress shoes. I had a coupon for 20% off. Done. It almost made me like shopping.

Meanwhile I got home to find out the dress I ordered for my daughter Arabella from Facebook marketplace has been cancelled. They didn’t even give me a reason. I will have to set up another dress shopping day. I’m running out of ideas of where to shop and time.

My daughter Angel sent me a message this morning that my Facebook account got hacked. I hope it had nothing to do with my attempted purchase. The fake account had my profile picture with a pride frame listing my pronouns as him/his. Really?? I don’t think any of my friends would be convinced I changed genders. It would be laughable if I wasn’t so frustrated about the dress order that got cancelled several hours after I changed my password. I’m hoping my credit card info didn’t get compromised. I don’t think it did, but still.

So, good news and bad news today.

A big problem

My daughter was 12 when I received the first comment about getting reduction surgery for her. It was from a well meaning relative. That was still during the days that I could shop for her in regular department stores..

When she turned 13, I started taking her to specialty stores for plus size girls. While there she grew tired of trying on garments and threw a fit about wanting to go play. I got several looks. My 13 year old daughter looked like she was 20. She always looked older than her age. This always created harsh judgment when she acted her age.

Although Arabella is my youngest child, she is often mistaken as my oldest child. The first time visiting a new dentist, Angel who is 5 years older was taken into the pediatric section and Arabella was taken to the adult side. People commonly mistake Arabella for college aged instead of Angel which drives Angel crazy. Recently while visiting Angel on campus, a guy offered Arabella a drink thinking she was older. These things happen all of the time.

About 9 months after our first visit to the specialty store, we had to visit again. Arabella said that her undergarments no longer fit. It has been impossible to buy clothing. Arabella wears the smallest plus size pants. She cannot buy fitted shirts because they don’t fit. She has to wear baggy shirts that make her look like she is wearing a mu mu. What teen would like that?

Swimming suits are impossible too. Arabella has been too embarrassed to wear a swimming suit without a shirt over it. Formal clothes are next to impossible. Finding a prom dress will be difficult. Arabella’s body is too disproportionate. She is all tummy and chest.

I get a lot of looks when I take her shopping. Am I really her mother…they must wonder. She doesn’t look anything like me or my side of the family. The largest women in my family have C cups, until now that is.

I think people stereotype me to be like the mom from the movie Spanglish…You know the type..the runner, thin, athletic, blonde always harping at her daughter to lose weight. I try to not be like that. I just have so much knowledge to share. Sometimes when she asks, I offer her advice which doesn’t end well for me. I just can’t win. Sometimes my daughter hates me. We are opposites. We clash. We don’t even look alike.

To make things worse, Arabella’s older sister Angel is just like me. When she was younger, people called her my clone. She looks exactly like me, has my mannerisms, has a similar personality, and we get along really great. This has been a struggle. I don’t want to play the favorites game. I don’t think parents ever what it to happen, but it does…

Last week Arabella told me that she will have to go back to the specialty store. Her undergarments no longer fit. I took her in for measurements again. She now fits into the largest size they have available. I’ve run out of options. This is the only store I know of in the area that has the larger sizes…I might have to start buying online if she continues growing. She is only 14.

I asked the clerk what would happen if she loses weight…That might not change her size. Plus Arabella told me she is having trouble in gym class…when she moves, she falls out. She can’t even exercise without issues. Plus she is terribly self conscience because there are hot guys in gym class.

If she loses weight, but not chest size, that would be just as horrible. Then my daughter would have the body of a porn star.

What am I supposed to do??

Apparently I haven’t even been washing the garments correctly. I am supposed to wash them in a garment bag and then hang them up to dry. What do I know? I have no guidance here.

Oh, and did I mention cost?? One garment costs $50.

I had to special order her garments. They don’t have any that they think is her size in stock.

What am I to do?? What am I to do?? I asked the store clerk. She suggested I make an appointment with Arabella’s pediatrician.

I refuse to let my daughter get reduction surgery until she is an adult. It just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. She doesn’t want surgery.

It is a big problem.