My travel bucket list from 2010

April 29, 2024 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

Back in 2008, Paul and I went on our first vacation after 10 years of marriage. Travelling wasn’t something we did in our childhoods. In fact, when we flew to Jamaica in 2008, it was Paul’s first time on an airplane. He was almost 40 years old. After that trip, we got the travel bug.

Some time after our first trip, I created a travel bucket list on a piece of paper written in pencil. I carried that little piece of paper in my purse for the next 15 years to remind myself of the goals I created. This is the year the list ends. I want to see how good I did on my goals.

2010: Utah We probably did go to Utah that year as the software platform we used for our business was located there and they started hosting user group meetings. We were one of the first users on the software. The first user group meeting only had about 10 to 15 people. By the time we sold our company, there were probably thousands of users. We went to Utah countless times mainly to Park City and Salt Lake City. We were able to wade in the waters of the Great Salt Lake and listen to the choir practice at the Mormon Tabernacle.

2011: Disney After the trip to Jamaica in 2008, we took the kids to Disney in 2009. We went to Disney twice after that, once with the kids and once without. In 2016, we took a family trip to Florida right before Angel graduated and visited some of the other parks.

2012: Wisconsin Dells (15th anniversary) This wasn’t a far trip to take so we’ve been there countless times.

2013: St. Lucia (Paul graduates earning his MBA). We went to St. Lucia and absolutely loved it. It’s the most beautiful place I have ever been to. I loved it so much that I recommended it to my daughter Angel and her husband who went there for their honeymoon.

2014: Mackinac Island (My 40th birthday) This is another one that isn’t too far away. It’s located in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan near the long bridge that connects upper Michigan to lower Michigan. Visiting the island is like going back in time. No cars are allowed on the island. The mode of travel is horses and bicycles. I haven’t been to the island for at least a decade. But I have been there several times and even stayed at the Grand Hotel.

2015: Mexico I haven’t visited Mexico yet.

2016: Yellowstone (Angel graduates from high school). I did check Yellowstone off my bucket list but not until many years later for our 25th anniversary. The exact day of our anniversary, we visited Old Faithful.

2017: Hawaii (20th anniversary) I just checked Hawaii off my travel bucket list this year.

2018: California (Paul’s 50th birthday) I did check this state off my bucket list. Paul and I went there for a conference and spent a couple more days afterwards site seeing. It was the first time I dipped my feet into the Pacific Ocean. We spent several days staying at a winery.

2019: Maine/Nova Scotia/Iceland (Alex graduates from high school) I checked Maine off my bucket list. Iceland is still high up on my list.

2020: New York City I checked this off my bucket list in 2012 going on a music trip through the high school with Angel and my mom. Angel sang a solo singing the song Popular from Wicked. It was one of the first times she performed a solo and I realized her talent and potential.

2021: (Arabella graduates from high school) Unfortunately this is no longer legible because it was written in pencil but I think it says Arizona. Paul and I travelled to Arizona for a conference and stayed a few extra days to visit the Grand Canyon. Or maybe it says Asia. We did go to Thailand.

2022: Europe I was supposed to go to Europe the summer of 2020 but I’m sure you can guess what happened with those plans. I am still planning on going sometime within the next year or so.

2023: Vegas I travelled to Vegas twice. The first time I went was 6 years ago with Angel for a music competition. I didn’t gamble at all. The second time I went with Paul and another couple and all we did was gamble.

2024: Alaska (My 50th birthday) I haven’t been there yet, but it is high up on my list. I checked 43 out of 50 states off my bucket list and 3 out of 7 continents. I visited the 50th state for my 50th year.

It seemed like when we first started to travel we didn’t have the extra time or money so I tried to plan trips around special occasions like milestone birthdays, anniversaries, or graduations. Now I try to travel as much as I can, at least once a year. I hope to cross off all the continents and states. Since I reached the end of time on my paper bucket list, I can retire my list. I plan on travelling for as long as I am able to.

Random thoughts on Hawaii

April 28, 2024 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

There is no quick and easy way to get to Hawaii. On the way, we tried to get the most direct flight possible. We flew from Chicago directly to Honolulu. It was a 9 1/2 hour flight. (We did see people before on a delayed flight we were on miss a connecting flight to Hawaii. They had to wait another full day at the airport).
The original plan was that we would drive down to Chicago. Later we opted to add a flight to Chicago from our hometown. We left early enough in the morning that if for some reason we missed the flight and had to drive, we could still get there in time. (We had a snowstorm before that cancelled all flights and had to take a bus to get to the airport in Chicago).
We went through a tour group and had some problems adding on the extra flight later. The tour group used our middle names to book and I didn’t so the flights did not link together. If you are going to add on later, use the exact name the tour group uses. Thankfully, we still got our luggage. But it added some confusion when we got to the airport.
It took us 3 flights to get back home. We left Maui on an overnight flight. It is nearly impossible to get any sleep in an uncomfortable upright position with random babies crying. Again, going home didn’t matter as much as getting there. We were facing a 5 hour time change and expected to have jet lag.
We went through Gate 1 tour company, which I’m glad we did. I think we were able to see a lot more of the highlights that way. The cost also included two flights between the islands. There really is no other way to island hop as there aren’t any ferries between the islands. I love to plan my own vacations, but I don’t think I would’ve been able to plan everything remotely as well as the tour company did.
Honolulu is a large city full of skyscrapers. The city appeared to be clean but outdated. It seem old but not rundown. The residents seemed to live right on top of each other. Although this is not unusual for city life, what was unusual was seeing wild chickens running around.
Hawaii is the rainbow state. I was excited to see a rainbow once we arrived. Even the license plates have rainbows on them. At home in Wisconsin, we see rainbows a couple times a year whereas they see rainbows a couple times a day.
Honolulu didn’t have any billboard advertising.
I love POG (passion-orange-guava) juice.
Surprisingly I didn’t see a lot of fish on the menu. Most menus offered flatbread and burgers.
The food prices were very high because most of their food is imported so there is a shipping fee.
Why aren’t there lakes on islands?? Or at least I haven’t seen any.
The landscape was very diverse. I heard you can ski on the water and snow covered mountains on the same day. Although I didn’t see any snow.
Volcanos are different than I was expecting. It’s like a huge smoking crater in the ground.
All the beaches are public. I was not as impressed with the beaches as I thought I would be. I think a sense of ownership would keep the beaches cleaner and keep the riffraff out (like the streaker who was rummaging through people’s belongings). All the beaches were crowded.
Forget about enjoying an umbrella drink on the beach though because that was not allowed.
Hawaii has legalized medical marijuana. There seemed to be quite a few sick people on the beach.
Going to a luau is a great way to experience the culture.
I felt a little trapped. Hawaii is in the middle of nowhere. What if a volcano blows? Or a tsunami sweeps in? Or there is another wildfire? I tried not to think about it too much, but I was a little nervous about what to do in an emergency. (This may or may not have something to do with the fire alarm going off in the middle of the first night. We got stuck in the stairwell trying to evacuate).
I saw whales, mongooses, and cockroaches for the first time in the wild.
I learned a lot about coffee from touring a Kona coffee plantation.
I saw pineapple and papaya plants for the first time.
I appreciate that Hawaii is a green state concerned about conservation and sustainability. They don’t use plastic bags and had alternatives to plastic water bottles.
They sold reef safe sunscreen. I never knew that some of the chemicals in regular sunscreen could damage the reefs.
The wildfires that happened last summer are still devastating the people of Maui. They have not been able to go back to their homes or land to clean up their property. There are many displaced people living in hotels, tiny communal shacks, or in tents along the beach.
Hawaii has a rich history and was once ruled by kings and a queen.
I was expecting to see gigantic waves with tons of surfers. I saw that in California more than in Hawaii.
Hawaii is our 50th state and has only been a state for 65 years.
Pearl Harbor is a must see.

Maui, Hawaii

April 18, 2024 / Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

On Easter morning, we left Big Island and got on a 35 minute flight to Maui.

It didn’t feel like Easter. I wondered how things were going at home. Arabella was spending Easter weekend with my parents. Dan and Angel were spending the day with his parents. But as far as I knew, Alex and Lexi didn’t have anywhere to go. It’s complicated because Angel and Alex don’t want anything to do with my dad (rightfully so) and haven’t seen him in over 4 years.

Then I saw a picture of Alex and Lexi with Angel at her in-law’s house. I was overjoyed they weren’t forgotten. Angel’s mother-in-law even made little candy baskets for my kids and invited them over for their family Easter meal. It was kind of late in the trip, but I felt like everything was going to be alright at home.

It was strange travelling over Easter. The beaches were full, but were they full of locals on holiday or tourists like me? We had 20 people in our tour group when they usually have 40. We were the youngest couple in the group. Even our tour guide was in his 70’s. It was a good trip for him to get his feet wet though. Everyone got along with each other and were pleasant for his first tour.

On Easter evening, our tour group went to a luau. They had a pig roast buffet and free drinks. We watched the hula dancers perform to live music. The dancers weren’t unhealthily thin. They looked like average people. At the end we saw a fire dancer perform. I’m just shocked he didn’t burn the place down or start himself on fire. It was still incredibly windy and we were set up outside. The show was something new and interesting to experience of the Hawaiian culture.

I have to say I absolutely fell in love with Maui. In my mind I started to plan my son’s wedding so we could go back there and enjoy it once again. I know, I know…they aren’t even engaged yet.

The hotel we stayed at was right on the ocean with a sandy beach you could feast your eyes on for miles. There were mountains in the distance. The water was a clear, clean blue. The temperature was perfect. Almost everyone on the beach was a tourist staying in a chain of hotels. We spent two full days on the beach. One day we went snorkeling with sea turtles and saw tons of beautiful tropical fish. On our last day, we even saw a whale. Another first.

Again, the food was mediocre. Spam is a big thing in Hawaii, but you won’t find it on restaurant menus. In a convenience/souvenir shop, Paul found Spam sushi which was basically warm Spam on rice. I tried it and it was great. They didn’t have a lot of specialty drinks either. I did have a guava daiquiri. The flavor was good but it was more like a watery slushy instead of a refreshing cool drink. I did like the Lemongrass Luau beer, very flavorful.

One day we had lunch at the Maui Brewery. Although it was next to the beach, it was very separate from it. You couldn’t just slide in wearing beachwear. I bought a pint glass to bring home as a souvenir.

I saw some seriously disabled people at our hotel. People who had to be pushed around in wheelchairs. I thought it quite unusual until our tour guide said some of the displaced people were staying at hotels. The Maui fires really did a number on a large population of people. After the fire last August, the citizens have not been allowed to go back to their property. The clean up has been stalled and people are very upset about it. We saw encampments along the beach of displaced people living in tents. There was also a community of displaced people living in small construction type trailers so they could be close to work. I’m hoping the people who couldn’t stay in tents got first dibs on the hotel.

As we were leaving, the hotel manager gave us beaded leis and did a good-bye ceremony with us. She told us that not only did many people lose their homes, many lost their lives. She said the island was usually a cheerful place before the fires. But everyone on Maui was collectively mourning the loss of their loved ones or their homes along with everything they had in some way. She said since tourism is how they make a living, a lot of people had to go to work with a smile on their face when they were still mourning. Everything looks beautiful on the outside, but on the inside there is a lot of suffering there.

The people of Maui are strong and will get through this. They have had a tight knit sense of family and community for many generations. They have something special there from living in an isolated area geographically. It’s not as easy to pack everything up and leave.

Visiting Maui was the highlight of our trip to Hawaii.

The Big Island, Hawaii

April 17, 2024 / Outrunning my demons / 3 Comments

On Good Friday, after spending two full days in Honolulu, we took an early morning flight into Hilo on the Big Island. Hilo is located on the windward side of the island. When we arrived, it was windy and rainy. Our tour guide, who lives on this island, said it rains almost every day of the year. He, along with the other locals, collects the rainwater for use in his house.

Our big stop for the day was to visit the volcanoes. At the higher altitude the temps were cooler, in the mid 60’s. Along with the strong winds and rain, Paul and I decided to buy rain ponchos. The volcano wasn’t what I expected. It looked like a huge black smoking crater. The sky was hazy and the air smelled smoky like a campfire.

Volcano

We stopped at two places to see volcanos. The second place we stopped at was very windy and cool. We got stuck in a downpour so I didn’t take many pictures. We also stopped at the black sand beach. The beach was packed with people but it didn’t inspire me to go swimming since the water was filled with volcanic rocks.

We made a stop at a macadamia nut plantation. We were unable to take a tour, but we did sample macadamia nuts with different seasonings. We stopped for lunch at a botanical garden and took a tour of the grounds. It was peaceful and calming to see so many beautiful flowers. As we were walking, our guide showed us a large bell which people would ring with a large wooden beam for 7 years of good luck. At lunch our tour guide asked what we thought of the gardens. I said it was glorious except for one thing. No one was able to ring that bell. She asked if I wanted to ring the bell to which I responded yes. I figured I could use all the good luck I could get. So we went back and I rang the bell. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. At first I didn’t use enough force to ring it, then the second time I tried I think I used too much force. After ringing the bell, she said I needed to ring the bell two more times gently for prosperity and health. The next two times I think I rang the bell too gently as it barely tapped the bell. So far I haven’t really noticed a change in my luck. Maybe it takes awhile to kick in or someone has delayed the paperwork for my request.

After spending most the day on the windward side of the island, we headed to Kona on the leeward side of the island. As Hilo gets rain, Kona gets sunshine. When we got to Kona, however, the rain had followed us over. We ended up eating supper outside in the rain. I was surprised to feel a little chilly in Hawaii.

The following morning we took a tour of a Kona coffee plantation. We participated in coffee sampling then took a tour of the grounds. I really didn’t know so much went into making coffee. What a tedious process. The plantation tour guide was absolutely amazing. I wish I could explain everything like he did. The best I can do is show you some of the pictures I took. The coffee plantation tour was the highlight of my time on The Big Island.

Coffee plants

Our tour guide told us the island has a rat problem. Many years ago, the state brought in the mongoose to control the rat population. But there was a huge problem with this plan as the mongoose is diurnal and the rats are nocturnal. Should’ve used cats. I could’ve brought some with if I knew from the cat rescue I volunteer at. We saw several mongoose at the coffee plantation. I don’t know what I was thinking, but with the name mongoose I was thinking more along the lines of Canadian goose. But the mongoose reminded me of a gopher or ferret. They seemed to be quick runners.

Coffee plant ready to harvest

At the plantation I saw several things for the first time such as a papaya plant and a pineapple bush. I was thinking pineapples grew on small trees. I really love papaya which is something we can’t find at home. The tour guide gave me a papaya to take back to the hotel. We didn’t have any utensils or plates, nor could we find any. Paul used a coffee stirrer to cut it and found it to be overripe and mushy. We left it in our room but later found a garbage to dump it in because the last thing we wanted was giant rats or tropical bugs invading our room.

A baby pineapple

The rest of the afternoon we had free time. We walked to a local market to buy souvenirs. I bought some wild looking mushroom pants made by women in the ashram. Then we spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach. Our hotel had the most amazing beach. However, when I say ‘the hotel’ I say that loosely. All beaches in Hawaii are public along with this beach. This beach was sandy because they shipped sand into the beach. Again, the swimming area was rocky from the volcano. The beach was packed with people and the water was rather cool.

Again, there weren’t any tiki bars on the beach because alcohol was not allowed on the beach. We could buy drinks but we couldn’t enjoy them in our lounge chairs. We had to sit near the restaurant. While we were sitting by the restaurant, we heard a couple people start yelling. Apparently someone was rummaging through someone’s belongings which had us worried a little as we kept most of our items on the beach. Then I saw this guy stumble along the beach followed by hotel management. From what I could tell, this guy was naked. He left quickly with only a white hotel towel wrapped around his waist with a manager walking behind him. I felt bad for the hotel managers having to police a beach that anyone can use, or should I say misuse.

Again, the food on The Big Island was average. We decided to catch supper with another couple we met on the tour. We always have fun meeting new people and getting a fresh perspective on things. As we were walking back to the hotel after supper that evening, we walked by a restaurant we were thinking of going to. People were eating on a raised patio as we were walking by. The walkway was dark and I almost stepped on something. As I looked down, dozens of huge cockroaches scattered. I cried out. Paul asked me if I almost stepped on a frog. I told him I would tell him later as I didn’t want to freak out the people eating right above the place they crawled into.

I never saw cockroaches in the wild before. It totally creeped me out. I had a hard time sleeping that night because my mind was focused on bugs. Plus, we needed to get up early the next morning to fly to our last island destination in Hawaii.

Oahu, Hawaii

April 9, 2024 / Outrunning my demons / 5 Comments

Paul and I flew into Honolulu directly from Chicago on a nine and a half hour flight. Surprisingly, the flights were all uneventful. Over the course of our trip, we had a total of seven flights. We were meeting with our tour group at a hotel in Honolulu a block from Waikiki Beach. We arrived late on a Tuesday afternoon tired from our travels. We grabbed a quick supper, met up with our tour guide, and took a short stroll on the beach. Waikiki Beach was busy and bustling with people. Skyscrapers lined the streets along the beach. We learned that all beaches in Hawaii are public. There weren’t any places along the beach you could walk up to and grab a drink. Alcohol was not permitted on the beach.

We went to bed around 9PM that first night which was 2 AM at home. Around midnight we were awoken by the sound of alarms going off and a booming voice over the loudspeaker to evacuate the hotel. We were half asleep as we grabbed something presentable to wear and groggily left the room. We were on the 12th floor and the stairwell was packed with hotel guests. The line moved slowly. If there was a fire, we would really be in trouble. In about 20 minutes, we made it down only five flights. No one took anything with them more than a phone. After we made it down to the 7th floor, someone yelled out that the alarm was cancelled. The alarms were still going off and people were getting upset and panicking. Someone yelled down and asked by whose authority was the alarm cancelled. Some people were still trying to get out of the building while others were trying to go back up to their rooms. It wasn’t until the alarms stopped ringing and a voice said over the loudspeaker that the alarm had been cancelled did everyone slowly make their way upstairs to their rooms.

We would’ve been really screwed if there was an actual emergency. There was no way everyone would’ve been able to get out because we were on a middle floor. Not to mention no one seemed to grab their id’s, medications, or extra clothing. Being a country girl, I was feeling a little trapped on the higher floors. But I was too tired to worry much about it.

The next morning we left the hotel early to do some sightseeing on the tour bus. Our main stop for the day was Pearl Harbor. There were a lot of exhibits to see. Paul had to check everything out, but I wasn’t feeling well. At home, I felt like my medications were finally right. But flying seemed to throw everything out of whack. I wasn’t sure I was going to take the ferry ride to the memorial site, but I’m glad I did.

The atmosphere at Pearl Harbor was quite somber. The guide said we should treat the memorial site respectfully like we were at a cemetery. We were to be quiet on the ferry and not use our phones except to take pictures. Afterwards we watched a short film about Pearl Harbor. I never really understood the magnitude of the destruction until I was there to see it. And I still cannot imagine what they went through.

The memorial stood over the place in the water where the U.S.S. Arizona sunk entombing hundreds of men.

The day after the Pearl Harbor tour, we had one more full day left in Oahu which we spent on Waikiki Beach. I had imagined it would be full of surfers riding huge waves, but it wasn’t like that. There were a few surfers but nothing like the 10 foot waves I was thinking I would see. Honolulu was a huge city. Its waters were filled with sailboats and cruise ships.

One thing we saw right away was a rainbow. We found out that Hawaii is the rainbow state. They have a rainbow on their license plate. We don’t see rainbows that often at home, but while we were in Hawaii we saw at least one rainbow every day.

Being a large city, one thing I found odd about Honolulu was that there were chickens running around everywhere. You could see them running wild on the side of the highway. They have a rather large population of wild chickens in the city. They also have wild boar on the island, but we certainly didn’t see any roaming around the city. Surprisingly the menus in most restaurants were very limited to burgers, pizza, and pork dishes.

Aloha!

April 6, 2024 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

Paul and I just got back from our trip to Hawaii. Over the next several days I will be posting about our travels. I’m glad we were able to go. It was looking iffy about whether or not we would be able to go. Arabella was in crisis mode right before we left experiencing mania and psychosis. I felt like it would totally crush my spirit not being able to go. But I also felt guilty about leaving her. Some time there is not such a thing as good timing.

Paul and I worked hard to make the trip possible. We set up a meeting with a social worker who is working on getting Arabella a case manager. We had Alex and Lexi set up to watch over Arabella and our pets with Angel and Dan being the backup for them. Then we also had our best friends being backup for our adult children.

We were gone over Easter which was a different experience altogether. I felt a little bad for leaving over the holiday because I didn’t want Alex and Lexi to have nowhere to go. Arabella was spending the holiday weekend with my mom. Thankfully Angel’s in-laws invited Alex and Lexi over for dinner and even got them little baskets of candy. It warmed my heart to see them having a nice time without me.

I was worried about how things would go at home. But like most of my fears, the bad things I worried about didn’t end up happening. And the things that actually did happen were not expected. Such is life.

We ended up having a snowstorm at home while we were gone and the power was out for over a day. The power came back on in the wee hours of the morning right before we got home. Thankfully the refrigerator was pretty empty so we didn’t lose a lot of food. There are still some people without power from the storm. The yard is full of sticks and small branches from the strong winds which is really making the dogs happy.

Overall, though, everything went as good as it could. The medication is finally working and Arabella is no longer psychotic. She is doing so much better which is a great relief for us. We are slowly digging out of the pile of laundry, emails, and cleaning. The house is still standing.

We had a wonderful getaway.

What’s happening this week – 11/9/23

November 9, 2023 / Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

Hello! I think this time of year is always one of the hardest thinking of the winter ahead. I can no longer trick myself into thinking it is summer because the warm days are gone along with the healthy summer glow. With the time change, the skies are dark at 5 PM. All I want to do is sleep or eat like I’m preparing my body for hibernation.

I haven’t been feeling the best either. Some days I can really tell I have an ulcer with the stomach upset and nausea. The last several days have been cool and rainy. My joints ached like crazy. My whole body seemed locked down in pain and I just felt tired and crabby. It’s hard to believe the weather can affect how I feel physically. It doesn’t seem logical. There is still a mourning process to everything. Five years ago I ran a 50k. Now there are some days where walking up the steps feels like climbing a mountain. The whole experience has really humbled and changed me.

This week has seen it’s fair share of problems. This past weekend, the hot tub stopped working. The jets made a clicking sound and turned on and off by themselves. It sounded like the motor was going to burn out. I haven’t been able to find someone to fix it yet. One evening Paul and I came home to a strange noise downstairs to find water shooting out of the back pipe of the toilet. Several rooms were flooded including Arabella’s bedroom. At least it was clean water and it wasn’t from the leak Paul fixed a couple weeks ago. One of the dogs has a red swollen eye. I’m hoping it’s nothing serious. Best case scenario is the cat got him and he will learn his lesson about chasing cats. I don’t want to think what worse case scenario is. This morning I caught the dogs pulling stinky algae encrusted dead leaves out of the stagnant water of our decorative pond, fighting over them, and then gouging them down. Gross!

Arabella finally was able to get back on her health insurance and went in for a check up to get some of her medications reissued. She has been coughing quite a bit lately. I’ve been jokingly telling her she needs to quit smoking. Turns out she ended up testing positive for strep. I’m not surprised she started a new restaurant job and is sick already.

Angel and Dan left earlier this week for their honeymoon/anniversary trip to St. Lucia. It sounds like they are having a wonderful time. I was the one who suggested the location since it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. I was able to give them a lot of tips and ideas about travelling and what to see while they are there. Paul and I are very jealous and long to be in the Caribbean sun right about now. I’m really happy for them they can experience travelling while they are young and carefree.

Because of my health, I’m fearful of the best travelling years window starting to close. It happened so much faster than I was ever expecting. My husband said the other day instead of climbing mountains, we can still view them. There is some truth to that.

This week I started writing my memoir again. I am a lot further along then I thought I was. I probably only have a couple weeks left until the writing is finished and the editing begins. I am excited about this. But what happens after? I would like to keep writing but don’t have any more big goals.

Heading back home again

March 10, 2023 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

We had to wake up at 2 AM our time at home to get ready to leave. We went to bed late and didn’t sleep much the night before. I wish I could say I slept well on vacation but I didn’t. I struggled with insomnia and nightmares. The sleeping pills didn’t help much. It seems like after 5 hours it totally wears off except the grogginess. There were moments I felt an overwhelming sense of dread and sadness. I felt at times utterly and totally alone like I was at the end of my rope with how much stress I can bear. I know that is not totally true since I have a small but amazing support team including my husband who was with me. But I struggle at times with wanting to drift away instead of reaching out and connecting. At the best, this vacation was a distraction from the pain I was feeling inside. Beach therapy does wonders. I would recommend it.

It was still dark when we loaded up the bus and headed for the airport. While there, we bought our first souvenirs since the market was closed when we visited. A bottle of hot sauce for our son, tea for Angel, chocolates for Dan, Arabella, and Lexi, and a bottle of Blue Curacao for Paul’s step-dad Darryl who just turned 70. I was able to sit with Paul on the flight from Curacao to Miami which took about 3 hours. I slept most of the way without being medicated because I was so exhausted.

The line for customs wasn’t horribly long. Then we had to pick up our luggage and go through security again. Our luggage had a tag that said status unknown. I asked the security guard by the luggage carousal what it meant but he didn’t seem to know. I think it was because they pushed back the time of our flight. We really didn’t know what was happening. At the last minute, I opened up my suitcase and threw all of the souvenirs inside while in line to hand over our luggage. Otherwise the liquor and hot sauce would be confiscated since it was over 3 ounces. We waited at least another hour to go through security.

Paul and I weren’t able to sit together on the flight from Miami to Chicago which was another 3 hours. This flight I was medicated and tried to relax listening to music on Paul’s headphones. I was much calmer than I was on the way there and didn’t freak out about the turbulence. It was strange because as I was listening to music I could hear the pilot talking through the Bluetooth headphones. I could hear him saying, ‘I didn’t sign up for this’. I took my headphones off to see if he was saying it through the airplane speakers but didn’t hear anything. What the hell? I recognized the pilot’s voice from his earlier announcement. I turned down my music so I could hear more. Then he said, “Can you believe it? She ratted him out!” Interesting, but that is all I heard. I really liked the sang I didn’t sign up for this. I really need to use it more.

Once we got into Chicago we needed to find a shuttle to get us back to our vehicle at the hotel. Paul and I jumped into the shuttle for Chicago Marriott O’Hare. I really thought I had the right shuttle but then saw the shuttle for Chicago Marriott Suites O’Hare which is where we stayed. We were on the wrong shuttle but the driver said he would take us to our hotel anyway. We made a couple more stops along the airport. We picked up an elderly lady in a wheelchair. She kept telling the guy to call her son and she seemed really worried or had dementia or something. She refused to get out of the wheelchair. Another shuttle driver started honking his horn and yelling at her to get out of the way since it took so long. Our driver was finally able to convince her to get into the shuttle. Then we made another stop and picked up a guy who fell flat on his face trying to get into the shuttle.

The shuttle driver dropped Paul and I off first. I was the last one off the shuttle and the falling guy and wheelchair lady both tried to follow me out. I tried to stop them from following me off the bus. I told them to stay, it wasn’t their stop, I made a mistake, and shut the door on them. Then we were off for the long drive back home. We got home close to 10 PM that night. It was hard to believe that we were in South America in the morning. We came back home to two feet of new snow that fell after we left for our trip. It was nice to finally be home and I slept pretty good that night.

Just getting there

March 7, 2023 / Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

Just getting there was a huge undertaking. We even considered cancelling our trip. Over the weekend, our daughter Arabella got arrested. I was working a trade show the whole weekend. I found out my daughter called 911 ten minutes before the trade show began. I didn’t really know what was happening and she wouldn’t answer her phone. I had to do a whole lot of acting, put on a happy face. I didn’t have time to process my feelings.

Meanwhile, my husband was on an ice fishing trip up north. He took my mom with him to visit my brother Mark who lives up there. Even my best friend was heading up north to spend the weekend with her grandchildren. I didn’t really want to bother anyone until they were on the way home. Paul told my mom on the way home and my best friend’s husband told her. My husband returned home Sunday evening just after I returned home from the trade show. Our daughter was still in jail and we really didn’t know what to do. Should we bail her out? Our flight was scheduled for Thursday morning and we were heading out Wednesday afternoon to drive down to Chicago.

Monday morning Paul and I had an appointment with our couples counselor. We spent most of the appointment trying to figure out where to go and what to do next as far as our daughter is concerned. Afterwards, we had plans to go to Angel’s house for lunch. By the time we got there, Arabella called to say they released her from jail and she needed a ride home. Angel came with to pick her up. At that time, Angel’s husband was out of state for a couple weeks for work. She said she would take Arabella in and also her cat. Angel was going to be the go to person when we were gone. But she changed her mind about having her sister over shortly after we picked up Arabella because Arabella snapped at her and was treating her poorly.

Paul took Arabella into her apartment while I stayed in the car with Angel who was having a panic attack. We dropped Angel off at her house because she needed to get back to work and came back to talk to Arabella and Will. We talked to them both separately and together and figured out what all happened. Will was crying and felt great shame for his actions. Arabella was playing the victim. She wasn’t upset with Will as much as she was upset with the police. They bruised her arms while they restrained her. She says she has PTSD from the way they treated her. She is hellbent on suing the police and county jail. They did not give her her medication and she needed to contact her doctor before taking everything again. We talked about a safety plan going forward.

Tuesday morning it was on to the next problem. A major winter storm was heading our way. The airlines emailed me saying I could change our flight for no extra fee. I wanted to get out of here as soon as I could to avoid the storm which was starting Tuesday evening. It took several hours to change our plans. I had to call the resort to change our flights. It took a long time. Then I had to contact the hotel we were staying at in Chicago to see if we could move up our non-refundable room. The new plan was to fly out Wednesday evening and spend the night in Miami. After I made the new arrangements, I scrambled to pack and get everything done to leave a day early. It was very rushed and stressful.

It was iffy if we were even going to be able to get out on Wednesday. The whole state of Wisconsin was going to be a mess. We were expecting the biggest snowstorm in 4 years while Milwaukee was expecting the biggest ice storm in 50 years. Chicago was expecting a lot of rain and was very close to the border of an ice storm with temps slightly above freezing.

Our hotel room in Chicago was very nice. I was glad they did not give me a hard time for switching nights last minute. We headed to the airport and checked into our flight 3 hours early. We weren’t sure if we had to check in for our international flight because we were going to spend the night in Miami. At first the customer service rep said we couldn’t get our luggage in Miami and it would have to go to our final destination. So we opened up our luggage right there and pulled out whatever we would need for our night in Miami mindful of the ounces of toiletries. Then she said it was okay and we put it all back in again. Then the lady said we couldn’t check in until we filled out some extra forms to go to Curacao. The website wasn’t working and we didn’t know what to do. By that time our CSR was working with someone else so we asked another rep who was rude and told us to keep trying. Our CSR was able to give us another website that was working. We requested to sit by each other and the lady said the airlines always tries to have travel partners sit together.

We flew out on Ash Wednesday. It felt strange to see people at the airport with ashes on their foreheads. Everything seemed surreal. People were coming in from Milwaukee saying their flight was cancelled. It seemed like all flights out of Wisconsin, Minneapolis, and Detroit were cancelled due to the storm. There was a lady with a baby crying to the rude CSR saying she had to fly out right away because her mother was on her death bed. They turned her away. The line for security was incredibly long. It probably took us an hour and a half just to check in and go through security.

Paul and I were not seated next to each other on any flight despite what the CSR said. I was panicking from everything that happened leading up to the flight. I was anxiously watching the weather. There were strong severe storms almost all the way down to where we were going. I am terrified to fly as it is, but am utterly terrified of travelling through storms. Our flight ended up being delayed because crew was late coming to our flight from other flights.

I was hoping to find someone who was willing to change seats with Paul so we could sit by each other. I felt hopeful when I saw a crew member sitting in an aisle seat next to me. If anyone would be compassionate of a fear of flying, it would be a crew member. I already took a Xanax but I was still quite nervous. The crew member refused to trade seats with Paul because he didn’t want to be uncomfortable in a middle seat. He said since he knows everything about flying he could answer any questions I might have. At this point, I was really freaking out. I was so afraid my whole body started to shake. As the flight started, I was also in flight or fight mode. Then I had a panic attack. It seemed like in that moment I had started to process everything that happened over the past couple days. Then I started crying. It was awful and humiliating. I reached for my bottle of Xanax and popped another pill. In the process the cap of my water bottle went flying off somewhere and I just said screw it.

The lady next to me on the flight was really nice. She was stressed out as well because she had 20 minutes to make it to her next flight. She asked the crew member next to me if he would let her out to get her carry on. But he was being a real dick about it and would not move out of the way for her.

By the time we got to the hotel in Miami, it was close to midnight. We had to take the 7 AM shuttle back to the airport. This time we stayed at a run down roach hotel. But it had a free breakfast and shuttle to the airport. The flight to Curacao was uneventful. Paul was able to trade seats with someone. The only thing that was annoying were some kids who were running around whipping a water bottle and hitting people in the head while the parent did nothing. I thought of the parent the night before who was singing math songs with her kids who were the same age. It’s hard to be upset by the kids for the negligence of the parent. But what do I know, my own daughter just got out of jail.

It took a lot but we arrived in paradise. I was dismayed to find out I still received calls and texts with just wifi without a sim card. I did text Angel but no one else. Arabella texted that she wanted to move back home. My mom texted worried about who was going to plow out our driveway. Hello, my son and some of his friends do snow removal. It was the one thing I really wasn’t all that worried about. I was upset because my mom never bothered to talk to me about what was happening with Arabella. I knew everything was in good hands at home with Alex and Lexi taking care of snow removal and the cat. My daughter Angel can be relied on for anything even though it would be hard with her husband out of town. My best friend Cindy offered to help in any way she was needed and I appreciated the few supportive people I have in my life. My hope was that no one died. I was sure my problems would be waiting for me at home.

But as for now, I was in paradise and I was going to try to enjoy it.

Gratitude week 166

March 6, 2023 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

I’m grateful to catch a break with a trip to the Caribbean.
While we were gone, it snowed two feet. We were able to get out and go cross-country skiing for the first time this season.
My brother Luke and his family spent the weekend at our house. We watched his daughter compete in a swim meet.
Yesterday we went out to eat for Paul’s step-dad’s 70th birthday. It went a lot better than I expected it would.
Arabella’s face is healed and she went in for her court assessment today.
Paul and I had a good meeting with our couples therapist this morning.
We were able to see Angel and her husband every day over the weekend.