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Fall update

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It’s hard to believe we are into October already. We have been enjoying unseasonably warm temps up until today so it was easy to deceive myself otherwise.

I have been at my job for half a year already. Three more employees started working after I was hired so I guess I am not really the new person anymore. My old perfectionistic workaholic ways are catching up to me. I haven’t called in or taken a day off yet, instead I’ve been picking up extra hours and working overtime. I’ve already climbed to a position of respect amongst my co-workers. The management still sucks though, but for now I’m staying. I really like the chaos of working in an ER setting.

Arabella had her day in court and her felony charges have been dismissed. She is off probation and head over heels in love with her new boyfriend. It seems the feeling is mutual. I have a feeling she will be moving out in the next couple months.

Angel will be heading out of state this weekend and won’t be home until the holiday season. While she was back home, her husband rescued a stray kitten hanging around their camper and now they have two cats. I finally set up the graduation trip with my daughter. Back in 2020 when Angel graduated from college, we told her instead of a gift or money, we would like to make memories and take a trip with her. Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you how that turned out back in 2020. Finally I planned a trip for next March with my husband, and Angel and her husband. The most exciting thing is that it is a mystery trip. Angel gave me ideas and I am planning a big surprise.

On a sour note, Alex and his girlfriend broke up. She was seeing other guys behind his back. One night when Alex was playing at a gig out of town, Arabella and his girlfriend went out. Once again, Alex’s girlfriend got really drunk and this time hooked up with a random stranger at the bar. She told Arabella not to tell her brother about it or about her still seeing other people. She told Arabella if she did, she wasn’t going to be her friend anymore and would never see her again. The next evening Alex’s girlfriend was hanging out with him at our house when Arabella came home from work and told her brother everything. Alex took the break up really hard and is really struggling right now. Thankfully instead of closing himself off, he has been open and talking to us.

Paul is just finishing up his summer seasonal job and is toying around with the thought of working a winter seasonal job. Today I spent my day off washing windows and getting everything ready for winter. Soon will be the great purge of getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. Soon we will be going through my parents house and starting to empty it out. It feels good to empty myself of the garbage in my life.

17 thoughts

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This summer has been very busy and unfortunately I haven’t been able to set aside as much time as I would’ve liked for writing. Here is a summary of what has been happening which may or may not lead to future posts about the events.

  1. My mom’s POA was activated after a diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia.
  2. I set up a tour for my parents of an assisted living facility. They will be moving in this weekend.
  3. My brothers and I will be meeting over the weekend to make some hard decisions about what to do with my parents properties, vehicles, belongings, etc… As my parents are hoarders, this could take more than a year to straighten this mess out.
  4. I am still dealing with guardianship issues with my brother Matt in terms of his finances and health. My mom has been very angry with me that I am allowing him to have a diet with no restrictions. There will probably be more about this in a later post.
  5. Arabella broke up with her boyfriend. It was more of a mutual breakup and they left on good terms.
  6. Arabella has less than a month of probation left.
  7. Angel and Dan moved their camper from North Carolina to Indiana. They are doing great, but it’s been an adjustment this year not seeing them often.
  8. Paul had genetic testing done for cancer. On the test, 76 out of 77 screenings came back as normal. The other was neither negative or positive as they don’t have enough info to be certain if it’s a problem area or not.
  9. Our dog jumped the fence and was missing for 24 hours. We looked for him everywhere. We thought he was a goner until the following day when I came into the house to find him laying on the couch like he never left.
  10. The dog ran away right before I had to leave for work. That day I went in late. I left a message for my supervisor who didn’t bother to ask if we found our dog. I think that was the point where I started to despise my supervisor. The company I work for and the management really suck as I’ve seen them screw over the employees. This left me in a hard spot. I really like my job, the people I work with, and the patients. But is that enough for me to stay with a company I have no respect for because they don’t take care of their employees.
  11. Talking about employees, a previous problem employee of ours when we ran our company was convicted of felonies which landed her in prison.
  12. For the first time, I was called to go in for jury duty and was selected to be one of the jurors for a felony case involving the se#ual assault of a child.
  13. I decided to have three rings resized that were a gift from my mom when I was in my 20’s. It means a lot more to me now that my mom is ‘gone’.
  14. My son moved back into the house. He is doing really well as a musician, having a full-time job, and starting a business on the side. But in other ways he is not doing well. Like his dad, he struggles a lot with his drinking. At least at this point he is acknowledging it’s an issue he needs to work on.
  15. I really think that now is a good place to end my memoir. It’s been six years since I started it. I even finished it at one point, but life kept happening.
  16. The bar I made my stand up comedy debut in shut down. There are other venues I can try out though.
  17. There are so many things I probably forgot about…

The beginning of July

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It’s been a wild ride since the last time I wrote.

I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday weekend. On Friday we enjoyed listening to a local favorite band and enjoyed the fireworks on a perfect July evening. On Saturday afternoon, my son’s band played and afterwards we invited the band over for a pool party. Today has been my first whole day I’ve spent at home for weeks and I’m enjoying getting stuff done around the house.

Work has been hectic. Last week we got a new supervisor that no one likes. She is around half my age with no education or supervisor experience. I am trying to have a good attitude about it. She pretty much just stops in and yells at everyone then leaves us alone. I’ve heard she has no family, significant other, or life outside of being ‘bossy’. I am comforted that most of the other employees feel the way I do so we will stick together if things get out of hand. She offers assistance when we have been short staffed but never is around.

The day shift and the night shift typically have two employees working together. Unfortunately, it seems as if the irresponsible employee is always paired with an ultra responsible employee. Then when the irresponsible employee calls in, the responsible employee is left with all of their work. This happened last week with a lady who only works two days a week, she called in screwing the other employee over. They were both supposed to work the holiday. The irresponsible worker called in again and the responsible worker (who is a single parent of 4 kids) who never calls in called in afterwards. In that situation, the supervisor is supposed to work. I really think it was brilliant for the responsible worker to call in because maybe something will be done about it now. It’s getting out of hand and nothing is ever done about it. I am supposed to work with both employees tomorrow so we’ll see what happens.

Things have been crazy on the home front as well. My mom screwed up my brother Matt’s medications for the second time. I had to make the tough call to not allow my brother to go home overnight on the weekends anymore. This was very upsetting to my mom. But as my brother’s guardian I had to make the right call that him going home was a safety concern. I’m taking my mom to two doctor appointments this week, her primary doctor for a physical and to the neurologist. I wouldn’t be surprised if they activate the power of attorney for her this week. This week might change the course of our lives. We’ll see how it plays out.

On a good note, my brother Matt’s rep payee went through and now I don’t have to worry about paying my brother’s bills anymore. Large expenses have to be preapproved, so that should take care of my mom making huge unnecessary purchases she wants me to reimburse her for. Now I just need to take a couple hours to close out the old account. The switchover has been difficult, but once everything is set it will be great.

Dan should be spending the next couple of weeks at home after being out of town for work since December. They wanted to send him back out again right away, but he told them he wanted to stay around for a while. Now Angel will be out of town for work this week. They are busy people. It’s been good to see them more. Dan bought a new Tesla. The car drives itself. It’s unbelievable how much technology has changed over the last 100 years. I can see a future where drunk driving might be a thing of the past. Wisconsin is usually pretty drunk, especially on weekends. But on holiday weekends, people have been partying harder than usual.

That’s about it around here. Arabella’s friend should be getting out of rehab tomorrow so we’ll see what happens with that. Good thing she is getting out after the holiday weekend. I even saw some people who were embracing total sobriety drink. Not that I’m judging. I’ve gotten beyond that in my life as drinking is such a cultural thing here.

Next weekend will be my birthday weekend. I have a few fun ideas I am planning. Nothing big. But something to look forward to when life around me is nothing but chaos.

The beginning of June

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Just like that Memorial Day weekend has passed, and we are well on our way into unofficial summer. I received an incident report from the group home after Matt went back after the holiday weekend. Apparently my mom mixed up his medication. If it happens again, I may have to rethink allowing Matt to go to my parents house over the weekends.

My mom has been messing up her own medication and my dad’s too. My SIL Carla spent several days at my parents house taking my mom to doctor appointments and going through her medications and cupboards. My mom had 30 containers of expired peanut butter in her cupboard. This was shocking to Carla, but my brothers and I were not surprised since my mom has been hoarding food for a long time. Carla also found out that the pharmacy has been filling prescriptions that were discontinued by the doctor. Everything is a mess. But my parents have been adamant about not going into assisted living.

After a long stressful work week, I finally am starting to feel relaxed. We just got back from spending the night on the boat and visiting with friends. Thursday night after work, I did stand up comedy. I even talked Arabella’s boyfriend into giving it a try and he did an excellent job. Friday ended up being a hectic day unexpectedly. The day before the motor gave out on our washing machine mid-cycle. Friday morning I had to go shopping to buy a new one. Then I cleaned the house. Afterwards Angel came over for a visit so that was nice. Paul and I rarely have the opportunity to spend time with just her.

The upcoming week will be another busy one. Next weekend will be my first full weekend to work. I will miss being home with Paul on Father’s Day weekend. I also have a doctor appointment with Matt on my day off. I have a feeling it is going to be a long week. Alex’s tour with his band is over now and he will be making his way back home. Hopefully he will tell us all about it, but he probably will not.

Mayday

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This whole past week has been hectic, almost overwhelmingly so. Although yesterday I did make some time for fun checking out area rummage sales, eating where my daughter was waitressing, and watching my son’s band perform.

The week started with taking my mom for her PET scan appointment several hours away. Hopefully we will have some results soon. Then I worked Tuesday through Friday at the ER. So far I’ve seen a lot of interesting, horrible, and sad things. I wonder when I will become apathetic towards others like my co-workers seem to be. You almost have to be in that setting to keep the suffering from bothering you.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. This next week will probably too. I will be working the next four days and have Mother’s Day weekend off. Unfortunately the Mother’s Day comedy show has been cancelled. I have this feeling that most comedians are like artists and musicians who are so focused on the creative that they overlook the structure.

My plans for Mother’s Day weekend are volunteering, going out to eat while my daughter is waitressing, and watching my son play kind of like this past weekend. But it is what I enjoy doing. Angel and Dan will not be home for Mother’s Day weekend. They moved their camper from Georgia to Alabama to spend the next couple weeks at a new job site. But they will be home soon!

I am also planning on going flower shopping this next weekend for a couple planters for my patio and as a gift for my mom. Just this past week everything got green. The buds are almost turning into leaves on the trees and the grass is starting to grow.

The last full week of April

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It’s hard to believe April is almost over already. The whole month seemed to go by in a blur. This was my first full week working in the ER shadowing other employees. So far so good, I haven’t been squeamish at all.

Paul and I spent my day off walking around the NFL draft area. Too bad I am not a sports fan, otherwise I would go all out. Paul loves football but he doesn’t get all decked out. I mainly wanted to check it out to people watch. We wanted to get some food from the food trucks but the line was a mile long and there was nowhere to sit.

The last two days have been cold and windy. Yesterday was downright miserable with highs in the upper 40’s with strong winds and rain at times. My son’s band was set up outside to play last night and we were absolutely freezing. I could see my breath it was so cold. Today it will get up to 60 and it will be sunny, so it should be a better afternoon and evening being outside to watch my son play in both the bands he is in. I am not driving so that is even better.

Absolutely everyone is sick, but somehow I managed to keep my head above water. For once my body has not failed me being around sick people at home and work. Arabella and I are the only ones who managed to stay healthy. Ever since Arabella got her tonsils out, she has not been getting sick every time a cold wind blows.

Angel and Dan made their way down to Georgia with their camper where Dan will be working the next week. They made the trek on Easter day. Dan drove the camper down in his truck while Angel followed him in her car. On the way, Dan’s truck broke down. He is driving a truck from the 1980’s. Dan’s dad is a mechanic who taught Dan everything about fixing vehicles. Thankfully they were able to make it to the campsite they are staying at. My daughter and her husband live a very frugal life which I am very proud of. But sometimes I just have to roll my eyes and laugh a little as they don’t have to live that way. Some of it is because I know we are the same way.

A couple things happened this past week that are worth noting. One day was particularly rough as I had an 8 hour day of reading policies for work. Over my lunch, I had a dentist appointment. They took my blood pressure before the cleaning and it was high. I have been checking it at home and it is still higher than it should be. I’ve also started getting headaches every day. Nothing major, but I never had headaches before. I am keeping an eye on things but I don’t have time for another problem. I’m too busy worrying about other things, like my mom’s blood pressure. Her doctor wanted her to come in and get tested as it has been running high lately.

Next week my mom has two doctor appointments. One is for a PET scan over two hours away from her house. My sister-in-law was going to take her but she backed out. Since it is on my day off next week, my husband and I will be taking her. I am not looking to 5+ hours of driving. I am really hoping to get some answers with this test as her MRI results were inconclusive. I still haven’t found anyone to take her to her other appointment yet.

The other notable thing that happened was that I got asked to be one of the comedians for a comedy show on Mother’s Day weekend. Patrons will need to pay to get in and I will be getting paid to be in the show. Not too bad for someone who just started doing stand up comedy a couple of months ago. Who would’ve guessed?

This weekend I am looking forward to my son playing in his bands. The biggest challenge will be finding a work/life balance trying to take care of my mom’s health without neglecting my own. I do have some fun things planned during the week such as trivia night and stand up comedy. I will plan on making time to do another update next week.

Spring’s new start

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I started my new job yesterday. For the rest of the week I will be working remotely doing a new employee orientation. There are 60 some other people in the class with me. This will be the biggest company I worked for. I never thought at 50 I would be starting a new job in the healthcare industry, but here I am.

Since I last wrote, I took my mom to two of her appointments. At the appointment with the psychiatric nurse, I requested my mom to be taken off a medication that is hard on the brain as requested by the neuropsychiatrist. The next appointment was the first appointment with the neurologist. The neurologist seemed very concerned about the condition my mother is in. She only answered 11 out of 30 questions correctly. She was unable to think of any current events. She told the doctor we were going out to eat afterwards as the current event. The appointment lasted close to two hours. It was stressful to see how poorly my mom answered most of the questions. The doctor also said my mom had a movement disorder typically seen in the later stages of Alzheimer’s. Then the doctor ordered another slew of tests starting with a MRI.

Afterwards, my mom took us out to eat. Paul picked the restaurant as a reward for helping her keep track of Matt’s financial records. I felt bittersweet in the moment. I tried to enjoy the time with my mom but the doctor’s words rang in my head to start looking at care options soon. Her condition is not going to improve. In fact, quite the opposite is true. After going out to eat, we visited Alex at work in the music store.

The doctor said I should make sure my mom is taking her medication correctly when we got back to her house. Her pills were a mess. She had only one pill container where she put both AM and PM pills into it. I tried to help her straighten everything out but this only made her angry. She yelled at me to just leave her alone, but later apologized. I called her doctor as well because she was taking a lot of supplements and I was concerned. The whole experience resulted in another trip over with a new pill sorter with AM and PM slots and the removal of some supplements she was taking way too much of.

The trips to the doctors and bad news really took an emotional toll on me. I felt more empathy towards my mom than usual once I realized how sick she was. At the same time I felt conflicted in my mind over how toxic and difficult our relationship has been. Not everyone has close relationships with family they need to caretake. Something to be mindful of when I work in the ER.

By Friday I was ready to get out of town and make the drive to Milwaukee to see Alex’s band perform at a brewery. The venue was packed, and not just with people. There were a lot of dogs inside, kids running around, and someone even brought their pet pig. A younger man even brought his puppy over to me to hold. They said animals were allowed in the brewery because they didn’t sell food inside. However, they had food trucks set up outside and you could bring food in.

Paul and I stayed in a German Inn. The building was a hundred years old. We ate German food there and each had a flight of German beer. Everything was excellent. Then we took an Uber to see our son’s band play. I am so blessed to have two children who are very talented musicians. It’s amazing to see an audience adore them. We had a great time watching the band. Then afterwards we went to the bar with the band. We didn’t get to bed until 2 AM. I felt bad in the morning because we were probably really loud coming back to our room as I could hear the other residents awake early in the morning. It was a nice little getaway before work started though.

This weekend we will be seeing Alex’s band again and going to a film festival. I only work half a day on Friday and then I am going to get my 7th tattoo. I am getting outrunning my demons tattooed on my leg. This is something I was planning on doing once I finished my memoir. (Although, at this point, I can’t guarantee it is 100% done). However, this Friday would’ve been my grandma’s 100th birthday. As the most positive influence in my childhood, and the reason why I am here today (both literally and figuratively) I am also getting a tattoo on her birthday in remembrance of her.

My grandma passed away 16 years ago already. I am going to throw her a party by lighting every candle in my house surrounding her pictures, watching old family videos, and just sharing stories and remembering the good times with her. I am going to make cookies using her recipe because every time anyone would visit a jar of cookies would be waiting for them to take home. I want to say I will be making her favorite foods, but I really don’t know what they were because she would always make my favorite foods.

This past week I experienced a lot of ups and downs. The sadness of my mom’s deteriorating health. The joy of watching my son play in the band. A small getaway. Starting a new job in a new career. Not having the time to care for others as much with the start of a full-time job. I’m not sure if this is good or bad yet. Arabella had her doctor appointment today. This was the first appointment I didn’t go with her to in over a year. The doctor switched up her meds a bit. He also put her on a weight loss drug as her anti-psychotic meds are making her gain a lot of weight. But guess what? She managed going without me. It’s going to be a lot harder with my mom. But maybe other people need to step up and worry about it, not just me.

April begins…

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I am scheduled to start working in less than a week and I still haven’t gotten my schedule yet. As a planner, it’s been driving me crazy. My mom and Arabella have doctor appointments the next couple weeks and I don’t know if I can take them. Tomorrow my mom has her appointment with the psychiatric nurse and the following day she has her first appointment with the neurologist. Thankfully, I will be around to take her to those appointments. Unfortunately, my mom doesn’t live all that close so just the driving to appointments takes 2 1/2 hours of my time. Hopefully we will be closer to answers on the type of dementia my mom has and closer to options for treatment.

My follow up appointment with the doctor went well to check on my thumb where a chunk of nail down to the base was removed to get out a sliver. No signs of infection. However, it is going to take months to heal if it ever does heal properly. I will still need to wear a Bandaid as there is a thin portion that remains which tends to get snagged on clothing.

I got the sliver while vacuuming against a wood railing. Last week after cleaning the house the switch on our well pump went out. Mind you this happened at 5 PM on Friday while I was rinsing veggies to make supper. We ended up without water for the weekend. It would work briefly if someone tapped on the switch. So just enough to hand wash the dishes but not enough to run the dishwasher. Ironically, after the water turned off inside it started pouring outside. We had heavy rains, thunderstorms, sleet, some snow, and an ice storm before the system left late Sunday night. Monday morning service people came out to do their magic and we have water. Today I cleaned the house again. Hopefully nothing bad happens. I’m starting to doubt a little cleanliness never hurt anyone.

Despite the lack of running water, the weekend went well. I finished writing my memoir. I know I’ve said that several times and then a lot of things happened. But I think this time I am really done.

This week I am looking forward to doing stand up comedy again. Then Paul and I are going out of town for the night to see Alex perform with his band. It’s one little last hurrah before I start working next week…if I start working next week. Hopefully I’ll get my schedule soon!!

Hopefully the next time you hear from me I’ll be complaining about my new job. Just kidding. I used to really get into April Fool’s Day jokes. But it really doesn’t interest me too much anymore. Maybe that’s a part of being a ‘mature’ woman.

March on to the end

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Life has been pretty quiet since last week. I still have my thumb bandaged up and will be seeing the doctor tomorrow for a follow up. I never realized how much I used my thumb before. I haven’t been wearing pants with a zipper and a button because what happens if I need to go to the bathroom and struggle with limited use of my thumb. Unhooking my bra strap. Tying shoes. Opening pill bottles. Cleaning to name a few… I hope it heals quickly, but I am not sure my nail will ever look the same.

I start my new job in a week and a half. I still haven’t gotten my schedule yet so I have been hesitant to plan anything. Thankfully my mom has her neurology appointment set up for next week so I should be able to take her. I will be working 4 days a week and every other weekend. I am content with this schedule as it will leave me a couple days off during the week to volunteer and take family to doctor appointments. But before I start, I need to go through 6 weeks of training which might be either in person or online 5 days a week Monday through Friday. So until I find out more, I wait.

I am starting to make some headway with transitioning over as Matt’s guardian. For the past several years, my mom has struggled with financial tracking and balancing Matt’s checkbook. She has been paying all the bills and I want to transition over to a payee. Thankfully, my husband has been helping her with this and has been wonderful with the financial end of things. He has been an enormous help with record keeping which I need to set up a payee through the county. He was able to answer questions I had no clue about. The whole process to set up a payee will take 2 months. In the meantime, I need to pay all Matt’s bills without a lot of information on how to do it.

Also, the county has been marvelous to work with as well. Over the decades, I heard a lot of negative things about the county. However, I found the opposite to be true. They have been very diligent and supportive throughout the transition process. I’m starting to feel like everything is falling into place.

Arabella is continuing to make improvements. She is starting to wear makeup again. It might not seem like it, but it’s a big deal. She stopped wearing makeup over a year ago. She didn’t care much about her appearance and had no motivation to do anything about it. Plus her old anti-psychotic medication was making her hands shaky which made it almost impossible to do her eyeliner. I know it doesn’t seem like much since most of her peers are getting ready to graduate from college. I wish she could have a normal regular life too, but she does not. She is in a good place now and any proof of that is worth celebrating.

In the next couple days I am looking forward to: doing stand up comedy, having a game night with Paul, Arabella, and her boyfriend, coffee with friends (I want to try a coffee flight), volunteering at the cat rescue, and trivia night. I am in the process of finishing my memoir, which has been 6 years in the making. Next week I will be very busy tying up loose ends before I start working full-time. I have something going on every day.

The unplanned

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I was intending to write sooner but life had other plans. I ended up in the ER after I got a rather large sliver under the nailbed of my thumb. It was incredibly painful. Thankfully they were able to numb me up enough to get it out. But they had to remove a chunk of my nail to get it all out. This happened on my dominant hand so it’s been a bit of a challenge to do things. I have to keep it wrapped up for a week and watch for signs of infection. I’m not sure how it is going to look when it heals. It was a horrible and disgusting experience. I am not in much pain now, but I just feel exhausted. It didn’t help that I had my new hire physical today with bloodwork and a flu shot.

Other than the trip to the ER, this past week went well with a lot of fun activities planned. Angel came home and a group of us went out to eat and watched the musical she directed the music for. She wasn’t home for long, but we enjoyed our time together. Unfortunately for Angel, she got stuck at the airport in Chicago because the weather out east was not good and her flight got cancelled. But she did make it home safely and that’s what counts even though she did have to spend the night in Chicago.

We also had a group of friends meet us out to watch Alex’s band perform at a local brewery for St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I volunteered at a local film festival event. We saw our son’s bandmate perform on St. Patrick’s Day, drank green beer, and played trivia with friends that evening. It was probably the busiest extended weekend of the month if not year so far and one of the most fun as well. This weekend is going to be a lot quieter, but that is okay.

Last week I met with Matt’s case manager and program coordinator. I was not surprised to find out that my mom had complete control of Matt’s finances and medical care. I don’t want to control anything. My mom wouldn’t allow the care team to attend appointments with Matt, which is what they typically do. My mom also had extreme and strict restrictions on what the staff could and could not do. (Why couldn’t my mom be a clean freak instead???) I basically told them that all restrictions would be removed. They were all overjoyed, except for my mom that is. I know she is angry with me for not doing things her way and for not being able to control me. The way my mom treats me is hurtful at times. But my expectations of my parents are so low that it doesn’t matter all that much.

Both Paul and I feel terribly alone with our lifelong lack of parental guidance. I honestly don’t know if I would miss my parents much when they pass away. We don’t have that kind of relationship. It seems like they have been gone for years. I feel sad and jealous of stories of warm and loving parents. Parents that don’t leave a legacy of messes for their children to clean up. There is never a dull moment. But in some ways I rejoice for not being controlled because in families there are rules. I can finally do things my own way and no one cares. I created the family I wanted and what more could I need? Maybe grandchildren…

My best friend is going to be a grandma again. Her 21 year old son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby. It was a bit of a surprise no one was expecting which created a lot of mixed feelings. They are young, immature, and not ready to be parents. But who is, really?

I’m not sure what this next week will bring. I guess I needed a reminder that things don’t always go according to plan. Planes are late and accidents happen that throw off the normal trajectory of life. Sometimes, though, it is easier to face disappointment and suffering when you plan on it being that way.