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What is coming next

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I want to start blogging more again. Maybe I can try for once a week. I realized today I have been blogging almost ten years. It takes some form of dedication or insanity to continue that long. One of the hardest parts for me is finding people I connect really well with and then they are gone. Maybe their blogging experience is only temporary. Sometimes bloggers pass away. That component is harder for me then finding things to write about.

This past week has been difficult/emotional in different ways. The job search has lead to several dead ends. I was selected for the lucrative job I took the proctored exam for. However, I am sitting in limbo. It’s been over a month since I applied. When I reached out, I was sent a form letter stating that I am in a pool of applicants and if/when they need me they will reach out. My test results will be on file for two years and if I don’t hear anything by then I am welcome to reapply. But I am looking for a job now.

A friend told me over the weekend that she knows someone who works for the job I am waiting on. She said for the first 6 months they had to work 3rd shift until there was an opening in 1st shift. I am not willing to work 3rd shift, been there done that and don’t ever want to do that again. I would be willing to work those hours once in a while but not often. I AM, however, willing to work day shift (early morning is fine), 2nd shift, weekends, and holidays. I don’t want to work a regular Monday through Friday 9 to 5 job either. I just don’t think it would be possible for me at where I am in my life right now.

As of this last week, I am now the successor guardian for my brother Matt. However, I am not going to do everything the same way my mom did. I am not going to cater to his every whim. This is going to be an adjustment period for all of us and I am going to be pulling off the band-aid. At first I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for doing things my way, the way I think will be the best for Matt. But I had to remind myself that I have taken on the responsibility to be responsible for my brother for the rest of his life or mine. I never signed up for this. I don’t want to have a brother with a disability. But I was willing to take it on even though it was not in my best interest. There are going to be a lot of things I have to learn.

This past week my mom had her neuropsychological evaluation we waited 5 months for. We will be getting the results this week. My brother Luke went with my mom and I to the appointment which lasted 4 hours. We had around an hour to talk to the doctor about our concerns without our mom in the room. I think we were listened to and adequately described the situation. The last few months my mom’s dementia has gotten worse and she reached a new level of raw unfiltered obsessiveness and self-focus. I think she may have more than one personality disorder on top of whatever dementia she is facing. Spending time with my mom is very difficult. I have to limit it to once a week for my own mental health. I had horrible nightmares the evening of her appointment.

This is why I can’t look for a 9 to 5 job. I have several appointments during the month during the day for my mom, daughter, and will for my brother Matt as well. Also, I would like to continue volunteering for several organizations during work hours. My husband and I just finished facilitating an 8 week family class through NAMI this week. We had the opportunity to guide ten other people who are new to mental health struggles with family members. It was great to use my experiences to help other people. We had such a great group and I am sad to see the class is over.

Every week I am looking forward to several opportunities to de-stress. This week I am planning on going to trivia night with friends. The first time we did it, we won second place. This will be the second time. After taking two months off to teach the class, I had to take a hiatus from stand up comedy. I will be doing stand up comedy this week. This weekend my son’s band will be playing so I am looking forward to going with friends and family to watch them perform.

I am also planning on finishing the third edition of my memoir this week. Last year I was planning on ending it but so much more has happened to write about. I feel like I finally found a good place to stop the story. My plan is to have it completely finished by April 11, which would’ve been my grandma’s 100th birthday. Even though she has passed many many years ago, I want to celebrate her day and the life she has given to me. Without her influence in my life, I don’t know where I would be.

Other than that, my husband and kids are doing well. It’s great they are all in a good place right now. I feel like I am at a crossroads of sort. It is a very uncertain and anxious time, yet on the other side of the same coin is a sense of anticipation and excitement for what is to come next. I might take some classes and go a whole different career route. Who knows at this point? I think I should have a lot of answers this week.

Blue Monday

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Apparently I forgot to cancel the trial and tribulations subscription in time for the new year. It’s been a rough start and I am feeling frustrated.

Some of it is the little things. This past weekend my son was performing with his band. As I was scooting my chair closer to the bar, I smashed my finger. I didn’t realize as I was pulling it in that the seat separated from the base. I sat down on my finger trapping it between the chair and the base with my body weight. Man did that hurt! My finger swelled up and was bleeding from under the nail. It still hurts a little and my finger is bruised under the nail, so I’m hoping I don’t lose my nail.

Or we can talk about today. Today I found a worm on my cat’s backside. I had to give both cats, under protest, de-wormer and deep clean their cat boxes. As I was cleaning, dirty litter box water splashed on my face. Fun times! As I was taking the dirty litter out to the garbage, the bag broke spilling dirty litter all over our walkway. I had to clean this up so the dogs wouldn’t get into it outside while the temperature was twenty below zero.

Then there are the bigger things. Like our investment falling through, from when we sold our business, that we were planning on living on the next couple years. Now I have to go back to work full-time. All the things I have been planning had to be cancelled, like our road trip out to Virginia to see Angel and Dan who will be living out there for the next couple of months. I applied for a job over the weekend. I think I have a good chance of getting it. I will need to pass a proctored exam to see if I will qualify. That was even a big process because I had to update my resume and all the stuff that goes into looking for a job. I will also need to pass a physical as the job is very active. Against medical advice I started running again.

The other big thing is that my mom’s health is deteriorating rapidly. It has become apparent that I need to take over guardianship of my brother Matt. That is not as easy as it would seem. I had to take an online class and fill out a whole bunch of complicated paperwork. At first, my mom refused to sign the paperwork to resign as guardian. She doesn’t think anything is wrong with her. She is trying to hide her dementia.

My brother Luke came home to try to figure out my parents finances. They have several accounts that are an absolute mess and haven’t been balanced in years. My mom is refusing help with her finances. Finally on Friday my mom signed the guardianship resignation letter. Luke and I went with my mom to pick up Matt from his group home. Then we stopped at the grocery store which was insanely busy. Luke and I were trying to help my mom shop with Matt. If you can imagine what it is like taking someone who has dementia and is confused along with someone with intellectual and mental illness. Neither have any awareness of other people. Matt almost bumped into someone. I had to pull him out of the way. Luke and I were very stressed out. I almost started crying in the store. But everyone was very nice and looked upon us with pity.

I have an appointment later in the week to meet up with someone from the county to see if my parents qualify for meals and in home care. I’m still in the middle of the whole guardianship paperwork process. That is also going to be intensive with the financial reporting, needing to meet with doctors and the case manager. My brother lives 40 minutes away so it is going to take a lot of time on my part to get everything set up.

Not to mention doctor appointments with my own daughter. Arabella is doing well on her new medication, but it is causing her to gain a lot of weight. At the last appointment, she gained 13 lbs in 6 weeks, so I’m not sure if she is going to go through another med change.

I have a feeling it’s going to be a long year.

almost to the end

/ Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

Over the weekend, we hosted a Christmas party with my mom, my siblings, and our families. We also attended a Christmas party with my mom’s extended family. There has been no hiding that my mom’s dementia is getting worse. She no longer recognized her brother-in-law, someone she knew since she was a teenager.

After the first Christmas party, my siblings and I had a meeting to discuss the current situation of our parents. Then we spoke to our parents about some of the things we discussed. I was very stressed out before the meeting. Thankfully my brothers and I are in agreement about how things should be handled. The biggest problem is that our parents are not in agreement with us.

My parents should not be driving. I’ve received several calls about my mom’s driving. She got into a car accident this year causing an injury to another person. Her friend told me she pulled out in front of someone without looking first and her friend came close to being killed. She also drove across her friend’s lawn and face planted her car into the ditch instead of using the driveway. When my brother asked her about her driving, she told us that she was a good driver. My dad can barely walk and doesn’t see well. They refused to stop driving or look into options such as assisted living.

The only thing they said they were willing to do was give me guardianship of my disabled brother Matt. Honestly, I don’t really want to do it. But I don’t feel like I have much of a choice. I told my brothers I was not going to baby Matt or give him special treatment which he is used to receiving from our mother.

I can’t stand even being at my parents house because the level of dysfunction and chaos is almost more than I can handle.

It’s hard not having any sense of control and just stand by waiting for something bad to happen before any changes are made. But I’ve been through this before recently when my daughter started developing a serious mental illness. When someone is an adult, it’s nearly impossible to intervene on their behalf if they don’t want your help.

Despite the stressful meeting, the holiday parties went really well. Everyone was for the most part nice and respectful. With the exception of a couple days, I’ve been in good spirits. I joked around and laughed a lot with my family when others around seemed to be rather down with all the bad news. Maybe it’s because I don’t care as much anymore about the things I can’t control, which is freeing. Maybe I’ve gotten used to living with suffering all around me and I’ve become desensitized. Or maybe it’s because I’m medicated. Life is just too short to take seriously all the time.

November happenings

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It’s hard to believe November is half over already. Soon we’ll be entering the holiday season and just like that another year will slip away.

Change seems to be the only thing that is consistent in my life.

Angel and Dan just bought a camper. Soon Dan’s job will be taking him to the East coast for half a year. Angel will be joining him and working remotely out of the camper. It’s going to be very strange without them living 20 minutes away. I’m going to miss them so much, but what a grand adventure.

Alex joined another band, a bigger name band that just released an album, and is possibly touring the West coast next summer. We went to see his band and for the first time we had to pay to watch him perform. The venue was crowded. It’s exciting to see where this new adventure might take him as well.

Arabella’s medication change is working out well for her. She is less like a zombie and more like the person we knew before. She is putting herself out there more and just recently started dating someone new. We met her new boyfriend already and so far so good.

My mom’s memory issues are getting worse and I was finally able to get her set up for a neuropsych eval for the end of February. I have been making a lot of phone calls lately regarding my mom and I’m hoping she can stumble along until then. I’m hoping to talk to my brothers over the holidays and come up with a plan. I don’t want to get stuck managing the care for both of my parents and disabled brother by myself.

Sometimes when life is hard, you just need to have a good laugh about it. One of my bucket list items is to do stand up comedy. I’ve been up on the stage for open mic several times now and it’s been so much fun. You’re never too old to try something new. I foresee a lot of adventures in the upcoming year!

Riding with the changes

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I have been feeling uninspired as of late. I feel bored; which I guess isn’t too bad because it is a step above feeling melancholy. There is no immediate crisis, but change is in the air. I can’t tell if it’s good or bad or just is.

The past several days have been very summer like. It has been easy to convince myself that fall is way off into the future somewhere even though the calendar says otherwise.

Uncertainty and change are all around us. Who will our next president be? What kind of changes will that bring?

There have been some big changes in the business we are running and there is uncertainty which road to take. We are waiting in anticipation to see if our finances will change. If not, what kind of changes will that bring? My husband wrestles with wanting to retire and wanting to keep working indefinitely.

I have entered a new decade and my health has been changing.

My son and his girlfriend got new jobs. My son-in-law and daughter might be moving across the country for work for 6 months. I think it’s an exciting opportunity, but I will really miss them. They could be leaving within the month or not.

My parents are experiencing a great deterioration of their health. This has been problematic in many ways. I realized recently that my relationship with my parents has been very destructive and toxic. I sacrificed my young years, my best years, trying to help them because they needed me so much. I was more of their parent then they were ever mine. Looking back, I wish I cut ties with them decades ago. But I didn’t, and now I will never be set free. I will never have the relationship with them that I would’ve wanted.

My mom has been having memory issues, but refuses to admit anything is wrong. I’ve been seeing my mom in her raw form which is very difficult to see. She no longer disguises her extreme favoritism towards my disabled brother. She insists that the world needs to change around Matt instead of helping Matt adapt to the world he lives in which has been a huge disservice. She has placed her favoritism towards Matt over the safety of her children and grandchildren. Nothing is wrong with Matt or her, the problem is the rest of the world. Yet she seeks attention for being a martyr for taking care of my dad and Matt. It’s painful for me when others talk about their fond memories with their aging parents when the only thing I have to bring to the table is shame. There is a lot of uncertainty what will happen with my parents and brother in the near future.

Then there is Arabella. She is having side effects from her medication which have been hard for her to deal with. A couple weeks back I had to take her to the ER because of it. The doctor made a mistake and it ended up being a traumatic experience for both of us. Being on her medication has been a lifesaver, but not an optimal long term solution. Just keeping someone alive is different from being fully alive. Although a lot of troubling negative behaviors are gone, she is just a shell of the person she used to be. She used to be outgoing and fun loving. Now she spends her free time in isolation in her room watching TV. Her friends are gone. Her social interaction is limited to family and work. Her ex moved on and that has been hard for her. No one ever mentions how recovery is a lonely road.

Things have even changed on the blogosphere. Some of my favorite bloggers have fallen off the face of the earth. That feels like losing a friend. I have no intentions of leaving, although I know I’ve been too much of a stranger as of late. What is the purpose? Some days feel meaningless and it’s really hard to find motivation in that mind frame. I’m trying to just ride with the changes, although I’ve never been particularly good at that.

What’s happening – 11/15/23 (Legacy)

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Today we enjoyed an unseasonably warm fall day to take the puppies for a walk. This morning I had my lab appointment for a blood draw for my annual physical tomorrow. I’m not expecting any surprises. The pool guys also came out this morning to check out the problem with the hot tub. They couldn’t do diagnostics on the problem because our equipment is 30 years old. We will most likely have to update the control panel which now controls everything including the lights and audio system from a cell phone. Right now the sound system is ancient and works erratically. Half the lights are burnt out. We have some really nice outdated and expensive to update equipment. Yeah!

Several days ago, Arabella woke us up in the middle of the night knocking on our bedroom door. One of the switches broke in the bathroom she uses. When she flipped the switch, the bathroom fan did not go off, and smoke started coming out of the switch. We had another switch a couple years back that burned the plastic and a kitchen light that continuously flickers like a strobe light. I’m not sure about the wiring in this house. I really wish I would’ve seen our house in its youth.

Last week my therapist said I was starting my second half of life. Much like my house, I still wish I was in my glory days. I got old too fast. I never pictured myself being old. Why is it when you are going through something, you think it will always be that way? I always imagined myself remaining young and healthy. I never thought my vision and hearing would start to go.

I took good care of myself and never thought my health would decline as much as it did. I thought I would be running forever. I never thought my brawn would be gone. When things I used to do with ease now take so much energy I don’t seem to have.

Once voted by my senior class to most likely be a supermodel, I never thought my beauty would fade. I never thought my figure would slip. Yesterday I was talking to someone close to my age asking if I remembered when I was skinny but thought I was fat. Back when I was so self-conscious of my body not realizing I was going through the best looking years of my life.

Reminiscing about rotary phones because they worked so much better. Remembering the phone number of a relative that died 20 years ago but not knowing my kid’s cell numbers. Remembering trips to the library to glean every little bit of knowledge. Thinking useless thoughts like remembering when stores announced over the speakers that so and so with license plate number XXX-XXXX left their lights on. Complaining about how easy kids nowadays have it. Wanting to sit while the younger folks stand. Wishing I could just hold a baby in my arms again.

As I feel the end of autumn approaching, I know I’ve had my years in the sun. I was once young and beautiful. I went to college and had a career. I raised my children. I accomplished the goals I set out to do, such as run a marathon. A lot of things already happened in my life, some of my choosing and some just the twists and turns of life.

Now I have wisdom and experience. My therapist also said I have time and financial security, something I didn’t have a lot of before. Then I had responsibilities. Now I just have to worry about me. The second half of life doesn’t have to be the same as the first half of life to be fulfilling. Like my husband said, I don’t have to climb the mountain to see the mountain. Although there is sadness leaving behind the younger me, I can’t stay stuck in the past. Just my personality, I love thinking about the past and following traditions.

This past week my husband said not to focus too much on the past but now is the time to think of the legacy I want to leave. I think his words were very inspirational to me. What do I want to pass on to future generations?

This afternoon Angel and Dan returned home from their 1st anniversary trip to St. Lucia. I suggested the location and gave them advice on where to go and what to do. My husband and I visited the beautiful island 10 years ago. It was amazing to see their photos from some of the same locations we had photos taken. At age 25, they look so young, vibrant, and full of life. It felt good to help guide them using my experiences. Angel is also planning on running her first marathon next year. It feels wonderful that she is following in my foot steps.

This week I’m thinking how I can do my part to leave this world a better place by leaving a legacy worth passing down.

What’s happening this week-10/19/23

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Fall has arrived and the sailing season is officially over. I’m sad to see summer go, but I’ve adjusted to this expected change. The leaves changed color and most trees have passed their peak but it’s still incredibly beautiful. It’s dark when I wake up and in the evening while I’m making supper. I’m not sure how my body knows when it’s morning.

Arabella’s jail friend with the Hannibal Lector tattoo is back in jail and will probably be in there for a long time. We don’t have to worry about that for awhile. She was respectful to us, but she was really rough and we were fearful of her as she was convicted of violent and drug related crimes. The other day Paul and I were watching the news and saw a guard was assaulted at the jail and we were waiting for the pronoun to see if it could be Arabella’s friend.

Arabella is doing alright. She was upset with me this week. I went to get more of her things from Will at their old apartment. She still is in love with him and wanted me to deliver messages to him from her which I refused to do. She has a no contact order for another two years and I am not going to be the in between. She said she was going to go over to the apartment to ask him if he still loves her. But after an hour and a long conversation with Paul, she settled down.

The probation officer visited our house. Apparently he had to create a layout of our house in case the SWAT team ever has to come. He also had to make sure we didn’t have a meth lab or had any prisoners in our house. I’m not sure what he meant by prisoners. If we were harboring a prisoner or if we had someone chained up in our house.

Last week I caught Arabella smoking weed. I keep telling her that I’m sure absolute sobriety will be a part of her probation. But she said it wouldn’t be because her crime was not drug or alcohol related. I asked her if she wanted to take the chance of going back to jail and being a convicted felon at 20. She doesn’t listen. I’ve done my part at preaching to her. She didn’t get into the mess she was in by making good decisions. Now it’s up to her and I have to let it go.

Otherwise, I’m right where I want to be in my life right now. This is the time of year to get back into writing more. I’m working very part-time for my husband’s business. I volunteer once a week at the animal shelter and at a faith based organization that gives out diapers and clothing to families in need.

Last week at the organization that helps families in need, there was a new person helping out. She told us all 4 of her kids are in the ministry. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way because it came across as bragging and being better than everyone else. I was tempted to say that my two oldest kids are musicians and my youngest is unemployed, living in our basement, and on probation. Thankfully Arabella has had a couple job interviews and more set up.

I felt like I couldn’t relate to this woman. But I had to change the way I viewed things. Paul and I can relate more to the people who come in that are struggling. We know what it’s like to have a kid in jail. We know what it’s like to deal with family who are mentally ill and struggling with addiction. My husband grew up in a home with an uneducated single teen parent. He knows what it is like to live in low income housing in poverty. We know what it is like to raise children without a lot of family support. We can use all of our life experiences to help others who are going through it because we’ve been there.

This weekend we have an out of town wedding, a Halloween costume party, and our son will be playing with his band. It should be a fun weekend.

What’s happening this week-10/12/23

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Within a matter of a week, it went from summer to winter. No snow flurries yet, but it’s windy and cool. Yesterday I dragged out the bin of winter clothes. We didn’t turn on the heat yet though.

On Tuesday morning I went in for my colonoscopy and endoscopy. I opted to go the pill route versus drinking the awful solution which meant I had to start with a special diet on Saturday. Then on Monday at 5 PM I had to take a dozen pills and then another dozen at 3 AM. I pretty much stayed up most of the night and felt like crap. I did nod off to sleep for a little bit, then jumped up freaking out that I missed the second dose oversleeping the alarm I set. Let’s just say, I’m glad that is over.

Things have been stressful with the adoption of three new pets. It’s been an adjustment. The cats get along amazingly, even better than I anticipated, which is great. But the dogs are still having a hard time acclimating to the cats. They want to bark and chase. We put up a couple baby gates. It’s getting better, but the dogs are a lot of work and at times it seems impossible to get anything done within the timeframe I planned for.

I feel lowkey sad. I’m not sure why. I think it has to do with the changing of the seasons. Everything has been going fine. Dan and Angel are doing great. My son got his car back from the garage and hopefully will be getting the inspection soon so he doesn’t have to borrow my car. Arabella is doing good. She had a job interview today for a server position. I’m glad she is starting to look for work. I think it is going to be a lot harder for her to find a job now. Next week her probation officer wants to come to the house. I’m sure they can understand more after doing a home visit. Paul and I were instructed to not ask him a whole bunch of questions.

Really not a lot going on like the last couple of weeks. I will post some animal pictures soon.

How is it October already??!?

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I can’t believe it’s October already. It’s time to get back to writing more often again. Today ushered the end of the warm summer days. We covered our pool. It’s always such a difficult time of year knowing there will be many dark days ahead. I do love fall though. It is my second favorite season after summer.

This week the adoption papers went through for my shelter cat and right now he is sitting on my lap helping me type these words. He is such a lovey dove. I promise I will show you pictures very soon of my new pets. But right now we are trying very hard to get them used to each other without any big fights. No easy task which tries our patience.

We had some record high temps in the last couple of days. I did my best to try to get outside and enjoy them. Paul had a great birthday party last weekend. The weather was absolutely unbelievably perfect. Everything went great. We had a fire in the evening and the band played for a long time. We had a lot of good food. I did all the cleaning and cooking. But this time if people offered to help by bringing food, I let them. Even Paul’s stepdad brought a camper and parked it in our yard reminiscent of cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon’s. It’s really not a party until someone shows up with a camper.

Although, we did get some bad news. My friend Lisa tried killing herself. Her husband, who was working out of town, thought something was up and had the police check on her. By the time they got there, Lisa was unconscious and had to be airlifted to the hospital. They put her on a ventilator. This wasn’t her first attempt and I am very afraid for her. She had a very traumatic upbringing and experienced a tremendous amount of loss. She never got past the grief of the death of her daughter in a car accident.

When Lisa showed up at the party, she told me about how she was just released from the hospital. She looked terrible. I’ve never seen her so rough before. She had too much to drink. I really wish I could do something, anything, to help her. But through my own life experiences, I found there is nothing I can really do. I don’t have any control over it. I wish I did. Lisa is one of my best friends and if something happened to her I would be devastated.

Life otherwise has been busy but rather quiet. Just feeling worry about my friend…worry about the pets getting along with each other…the letdown after the big party…the end of summer…

One thing is constant and that is change. My son’s roommate moved out. Our neighbors are moving. I feel pretty neutral about it. The uncertainty comes with who is going to move in. Everything went good with them until they had a baby. Honestly, I think the guy is pretty embarrassed he yelled at my son and his friends for lighting off fireworks on the 4th. He lost his cool and I don’t think that happens often. He works for the foster care program and he was out yelling at some kids.

We finally met our other neighbors. They seem pretty chill. I told them we got two Beagles. They told us they have 10 free range chickens. What could possibly go wrong?? They also said if something happens to their chickens they wouldn’t be upset with us.

That’s about it. I don’t have big plans for the weekend besides preparing for my colonoscopy early next week. Sounds like a good time. Not!

Adjusting

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It’s been a week since we brought the puppies home and what a week it’s been. Overall, things have been going well with some setbacks along the way. We weren’t really planning on getting puppies quite this soon, but here we are with two purebred beagles who are a year old. The owner was an older man who could no longer take care of his property and needed to sell to move into an apartment. He couldn’t take his dogs with and didn’t want to separate them. He was desperate because he was moving in a week and couldn’t find a home for his dogs. So he gave us the dogs and all of their supplies for $100.

For the first couple of nights, the dogs barely slept at all. They had accidents in the house. They never saw a cat before which probably has been the most difficult adjustment of all. In the meantime, we had our home visit for the cat we are in the process of adopting. I was worried they wouldn’t want us to adopt anymore because of the dogs and my daughter living at home with a criminal record. They were afraid we didn’t want the cat anymore because we had the dogs. It’s interesting how our fears change based on the perspective we are looking in from.

Arabella had her first visit with her probation officer this week. According to her, everything went well. We haven’t had any big glaring issues yet.

My son’s car is getting fixed and had nothing to do with the accident he was in. I’m not sure why I have so many irrational fears about vehicles not working. Maybe it just has something to do with the lack of control and knowledge.

My daughter Angel and her husband will be celebrating one year of marriage already this weekend. Everything is going great so far. They just planned an anniversary honeymoon in St. Lucia. I am excited for them.

My appointment with the GI physician assistant went well. I had a couple of tests done and will be getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy done at the same time in a week and a half. I really like the PA but dislike the GI doctor. It might take some more time, but I should have a lot of answers in the next couple weeks.

My husband turned 55 this week. I will be throwing a birthday bash for him this weekend. My son and his band will be playing. I am a little nervous about how the party is going to work out especially with the dogs running around. Then there are the normal worries if I will have enough food and beverages here for everyone. I cleaned the house today and will be starting with the cooking tomorrow. It’s a lot of work but I like hosting parties and don’t mind doing all the clean up afterwards.

There has been a lot going on. I feel like I’m going through a big adjustment period right now.