daughter

Acting like everything is alright 

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I am sorry things did not go according to your plan. When you asked me why God did this to you, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to fix things for you. I wanted to make you happy again. Instead I just listened. I asked when you would rather know, now or later. Maybe God has a better plan that we just can’t see right now.

You said that you were a great actress. You went to play practice with a smile on your face. Then you came home and cried. The odds weren’t in your favor this time. Out of the hundreds of talented kids that auditioned, you weren’t in the handful of those selected for the musical theater program at the college you will be attending. You cried even more when your brother told you that they didn’t know what they were missing. 

The truth is that your musical theater talents are lopsided. You are a phenomenal singer, great actress, and below average dancer. Even though you have the shape of a dancer, your body fails you. I am so sorry that you seem to have my lack of gracefulness. 

I was the little girl that they laughed at during the dance recital because I danced to a different beat then everyone else. I was the scrawny little kid that was always picked last on the team. I was the little girl that had to do extra credit to pass gym class. I had to write about sports because I couldn’t do them. While other kids could do flips and splits, I remained rigid, tight, and inflexible. Why do you think I am a runner? It requires grit, the only thing I have.

There is one gift that I am happy to have passed on to you, your voice. When you sing, people feel the emotions you are singing about. A happy song puts everyone in a good mood. A sad song can change the audiences laughter to tears in a few sweeping moments. When you auditioned for the vocal performance program, they complimented you on your voice and told you that they wanted you. I know that you will find a home there. 

I know it is hard right now. You have been eating, drinking, and sleeping musicals for so long. I am impressed with your optimism despite a few minor road blocks. 

It does not mean that you can never audition for musicals in the big cities. This is your journey now and I am excited to see where it takes you.

Just small talk

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Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. I always dread calling him for his birthday. I really wish it wasn’t that way, really I do. 

Yesterday evening, I was the first person to call and wish him a happy birthday. I asked my dad if he received any birthday cards in the mail. “No,” he replied. Then we talked about the weather. He said that it was snowing. He said that he was driving but the roads weren’t slippery yet. After a few minutes of ackward silence and small talk, I told him that I should let him have both hands on the wheel. Bye dad.

I wish it wasn’t that way. I know that the time is coming soon when these birthday calls will end. Maybe it was already the last one. I feel sad for the relationship that never was. Although we get along better now than we ever have before, we never had a father daughter relationship that was anywhere near Hallmark greeting card close. I would settle for a relationship that gets beyond small talk.

Some things have been broken so long that I don’t know how to fix them.

Grace uncommon, part 14

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When I was a young girl, some of my best memories were of times spent with Aunt Grace. She would take me on bus trips to see musicals. Sometimes she would let me bring along a friend or my mom and grandma would go. I would stay overnight at Grace’s house the night before. I would always end the evening with a bubble bath. Then we were up before dawn to catch the bus.

One of the first shows that I remember seeing was Hello Dolly in Chicago. I don’t remember a lot about the show. Grace was excited that Mickey Rooney was in it. Plus the main female actress was rather old, maybe around 80. I don’t remember her age…I could be way off. What was old to me then is a lot different than what is old to me now. Heck, she could have been 40 but I don’t think so. Grace was excited that the female lead could do the splits and dance with the energy of a young adult. I remember being in awe of that too since I couldn’t dance, much less do the splits as a little girl.

Then Grace took me on a bus trip to see Oklahoma at the Fireside Theater in Fort Atkinson. I remember the meal before the show. Grace let me sit at the head of the table in a big theatrical wicker chair. They brought food out to the table that was on fire. I remember little of the show.

The next show that we were supposed to see, we didn’t end up going to. We were hit by a big snowstorm the night before and couldn’t go. I was so disappointed. Not long after that, Grace took me to see Annie at a local high school. Then she bought orange material and sewed me an Annie dress which unfortunately I did not wear that much.

When I was an adult, she still wanted to see shows. We watched Cats, The Phantom of the Opera, and Miss Saigon. I remember glancing over at Grace during the opening scene of Miss Saigon when the women came out on stage in thongs. I thought that she would be appalled, but she loved the show.

I think that all of those good memories prompted me to get on stage despite my shyness. When Grace found out that I could sing, she always asked me to sing songs in church. Then I started to audition for musicals at the local community theater. The first musical that I auditioned for, I took my daughter Angelique to audition as well when she was 8 years old. She has been singing and acting ever since.

The last couple of weekends, Angel has been auditioning for college and a summer performing job. She picked her college and auditioned for both the musical theater and vocal performance programs. The vocal performance program accepted her on the spot. We are still anxiously waiting to hear back from the musical theater program and the summer job which are much more competitive.

I feel that Aunt Grace was very instrumental in my love for the theater. This appreciation was passed down to Angel. I love the way that family blessings have a way of trickling down through the generations. Sometimes you never know the effect that you have on other people. Sometimes I wonder what my grandchildren will be like. Or I ponder over how different my life would be if I never had someone special like Aunt Grace in my life.

 

The travel diaries, sailing off into the sunset

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As the old saying goes, all good things must come to the end. This is the end of my travel series, but not the end of my travels.

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It has been fun spending the last couple of weeks writing of a lifetime of previous adventures. I am glad to finally have those memories written down to forever cherish before they slowly fade away. 

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In a few months, I will be perched in a favorite spot armed with my camera and a good story to tell. Writing reviews and telling stories while they happen with a favorite photo or two. 

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In the meantime, I will be sending off my oldest daughter to explore different shores to a place where her adult journey will begin. I can’t wait to see where life will take her.

Keep traveling! 

The travel diaries, New York City

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A few years back when Angelique just finished her freshman year in high school, my mom and I accompanied her along with the high school band and choir on a bus trip to NYC. As many of you know from earlier posts, I can be quite neurotic when it comes to modes of transportation. This travel adventure was no exception. I remember getting on the bus that first day and being introduced to our first driver Gus. Now Gus was a very old man. He had a little drool coming out the side of his mouth. The second driver Al introduced Gus by congratulating him on getting his 75 year pin. Wait, what? Holy crap, 75 years or driving. Did I hear that right? Maybe he was 75 years old. Yes, that’s better. They were going to take turns driving us from WI into NYC. Every 6 hours they would switch off after stopping to have a cigarette break and pick up some fast food. One would sleep in the back of the bus while the other drove. You can imagine how quiet it was in the back of a bus full of excited teenagers. Despite everything I said, they were both very experienced drivers and after a sleepless night of trying to sleep upright in our seats, we were in NYC.   

We toured all day that first day. The first thing that we did was take a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. It was a beautiful sight. Then we spent a couple of hours at Times Square. The picture of me below was from Times Square. I don’t think I look too bad for not sleeping or showering. My mom and I were in charge of chaperoning 2 teenage boys. Of course our boys headed right to the naked cowgirl for pictures. She was a lady older than me wearing little star tassels on top with a bikini bottom. Hhmm. 

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That first night we got to our hotel after 10, then we were up early to tour all day. We saw the 9/11 Memorial, which I spoke about in an earlier post. We saw Grand Central Station. Yes, I thought it was very similar to my life. We toured the United Nations which ended up being more facinating than I thought it would be. It was rather amusing seeing some of the kids go through security. Talk about culture shock! No wonder why we took a bus instead of a plane. 

We toured NBC studios which was very interesting to see behind the scenes of TV shows. We toured Radio City and spoke to a Rockette. What I remember most, which is terrible, was that we got to the tour really early because I had to use the bathroom. But I couldn’t use the bathroom until half way through the tour. This urgency of mine got us into a bit of trouble as we separated from our group. All I could think about was how bad I had to pee. 

We also got to see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. The choir director got us in to see a minor character before the show to talk about careers in music and theater. It poured really hard that day. While we were in NYC, the choir and band students performed. The kids ran with their instruments in their formal band/choir clothes in a downpour. I couldn’t help but laugh at the craziness of it all. That afternoon my daughter performed the solo Popular right outside of Trump Tower in the atrium. I don’t think that I was ever more proud to hear her sing. People smiled and clapped for her as birds were flying around inside of the building, which I thought was strange. 

We also visited Central Park. It was so interesting to see trees in the midst of skyscrapers. There was a man in the park playing Beatles songs on his guitar for money. I saw a man lying in the grass that I feared may be dead. Nursery school children walked by in a group holding hands. We went to the Empire State Building, shopped in China Town, and took an evening cruise to see the lights of the city and the Statue of Liberty at night. It was hard to believe that we were able to do so many things in less than a week   

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The city is such a beautiful place. I have always wanted to visit during Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Maybe someday I will go back.

To my daughter’s stalker

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I have never met you and hope that I never do. I can understand why you would be obsessed with my daughter. She is that bright light in a dim lit room. Along with butterflies, even the darkest of souls are attracted to her warm glowing light. Sinking ships try to reach that light in this dark world.

I can understand why you said that you would make my daughter love you the way you love her. She is very beautiful. Her stage presence, her angelic singing voice alone has caused the most callous of hearts to open. You noticed that when you met her a year and a half ago on a school choir trip. Even though she told you that she had a boyfriend, that she just wanted to be friends, you thought you could change her mind.

After the trip, you texted, snapchatted, social mediaed, and called her all the time. It got to the point that she told you to stop, but you didn’t. Her boyfriend told you to stop and then you started harassing him. You told him that you were going to kill him at school performances that you knew they would be at and terrorized them in general. Then this summer you hacked my daughter’s facebook account.

We didn’t hear from you too much after that. Although I was disappointed that you decided to go to the same college as my daughter’s boyfriend. I thought that after you got into college and started meeting a lot of girls that maybe you would give up the whole idea that she would love you. She has had the same boyfriend for over two years now, a man I would be happy to call my son-in-law someday.

Then I heard you recognized my daughter’s boyfriend at college from facebook pictures. You punched him in the face. Even though my daughter’s boyfriend didn’t want us to know about what you did, we found out. But this week was the last straw. You hacked into my daughter’s boyfriends facebook account. You posed as him and broke up with my daughter. When she found out it was you, you told her that you loved her and would force her to love you. You said that you were going to find her and rape her. This time you went too far. My husband called you after this. He told you that you are never to talk to our daughter or her boyfriend again. He is not a man to be messed with, so I hope you got the message.

If you ever talk to them again, we will get a restraining order. That is if you are lucky.