Running

A runner’s nightmare

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It is the day of the marathon. I didn’t know it was today. I am not sure if I am ready. I have to go to the bathroom but someone cut in front of me in line. I pat her arm in disgust. I ran out of time and now I can’t go to the bathroom.

The race is ready to start, but my shoes are worn out. I can’t wear them. Everyone waits for me. I look down to find that I am wearing nice shoes but they are unlaced and on the wrong feet. Please don’t fire the starting gun. I see Gu 15 feet from the starting line. I relax a little knowing that it is there. But the beige package that it is in says flavorless. Next to it are little heads of broccoli. I cross the starting line looking for better shoes. I beg them not to start the race without me. It is now 8 minutes after the race was supposed to start. People are getting antsy for me to take care of my shoes. I put on another pair. This time they fit, but they are uneven. One pair is 2 inches higher than the other pair. I can’t run in those shoes. Another shoe is brought out, it is very comfortable but it is way too large to fit me. Somehow none of the shoes lace or fit right. People are getting antsy, a few cross the starting line. It is a big mess of disorganized chaos because of me.

Then I woke up.

The cheapskate marathon

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I admit, I am a bit of a cheapskate. I signed up for another marathon this week in order to save $10. But I have learned the lesson over time when to be a cheapskate and when not to. So saving $10 forced me to make a decision early, one that I was probably going to make anyway. So I decided to plan my whole race calendar for the year. I am planning on running a marathon in May, a 10k in June, my first tri in July, and ending the season with a half marathon in the fall.

The best thing about running a marathon in May is that I have the whole summer ahead of me to plant my boney carcass on the beach somewhere. Last year I gave up a lot of relaxation time to train for a marathon in the end of August. It will mean more long runs on a treadmill. Maybe I will have to tape pictures of myself bikini clad, beach bound with umbrella drinks to the treadmill for motivation! Hmm. Lol.

Then there was that one time when I learned that being a cheapskate is not the best move. One of the biggest lessons I learned is not to accept items from people who are cheaper than me. Items like an avocado green 1970’s model clothes dryer. When Paul and I got married, we had a little starter house that came without appliances. Paul’s mom and step-dad gave their old gas dryer to us which was very kind of them but didn’t work out too well for us. First of all, we didn’t have the hook ups in the house for a gas dryer. Paul’s step-dad had some old copper pipes that they ended up using to hook up a gas line for the dryer over a weekend.

This is probably the part where you want me to tell you that they screwed up the gas line and blew up that tiny starter house. Sorry, there wasn’t even a gas leak. The dryer itself was not in good working condition. First, I had to put the clothes in the dryer. Then I needed to manually start the dryer by putting my arm inside to get the drum rolling. Some times the process itself would twist my arm. The big kicker was that the darn thing didn’t even dry well. The hardest part of the whole process was that after all of the work that was done to install it, we had to say that we didn’t want it anymore. That was not an easy thing to say to my new in-laws.

So over time, part of the life learning process is when to be cheap and when you have to fork out the dough. I think I made the right decision about the marathon. Bring it on!

Letting go of the present

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I think that my focus this new year is going to be letting go. Now before you start to get any ideas, I am not planning on letting myself go. I just finished an 18 mile run. Well, I think that it was 18 miles anyway. Twice during my run I accidentally hit the emergency stop button on my treadmill which upset me because I did not know my exact mileage at the time. The second time I almost got propelled into my TV. Nothing like being thrown into a crime show. LOL

Not only do I want to start the process of letting go of my past instead of outrunning it, but I am also faced with something that I never thought would happen. I am not needed as much anymore. My kids are growing up. My oldest will be graduating from high school this year. If everything works out as she has planned, she will be leaving our house in 5 months. She will become an adult. Gulp. Yesterday my middle child drove a car for the first time. He got his temps this week. Last night my youngest child babysat so someone else could go out for New Year’s Eve. I don’t even need a babysitter anymore for my youngest child.

When this whole process started, I never pictured in my mind that someday my babies would grow up. Some days I wished for it after sleepless nights with a newborn, toddler temper tantrums, potty training, math homework, etc.. When did time change from wanting them to grow up to wanting time to stand still for a little longer? In five years, I will be done with this job. I’m doing the best that I can so I don’t look back with regret. Despite some relatively minor teenage issues in comparison, the burden of responsibility is starting to lift. I will finally have time for the first time in my life to do what I want to do.

It’s time to start letting go…

Haze runner

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Another hot and humid day in Wisconsin (for this time of year anyway). There is still no snow, no ice has formed on the lakes, we might break a record high temp from over one hundred years ago today, and there is another thunderstorm in the forecast for tonight.

I decided to get a 6 mile run in this morning before the rain and wind. It was a very foggy morning, so I did run outside with some trepidation. As I run I always look at all of the garbage littering the ditches. I don’t know why marketing people hang out at malls. They should be hanging out at marathons. Runners know their route. I could tell you that Marlboro’s are the cigarette of choice among litter bugs. Also, now this was a very close tie, most litter bugs prefer Busch Light beer followed closely by Bud Light. Now WI, I am very proud that you chose water over soda *eye roll*.

This week, on a road that I run on, the body of a pedestrian was found in a ditch. Apparently the person was walking on the road after dark and was struck by a car. The driver took off after hitting the person who was left to die.

I prefer my findings of garbage. How terrifying!

It was a foggy morning and I didn’t want the same fate.  It makes me terribly sad to hear about this family’s loss the week of Christmas.

 

 

What frozen tundra?

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It has been raining a lot since yesterday. Water pools on the green grass and harvested fields. Wait, what? Green grass? Isn’t the tundra supposed to be frozen this time of year in Wisconsin?

The constant dripping of the rain like a tapping on little drums awakens me from my slumber. Yesterday I awoke to the rumble of distant thunder. It was as if my grandpa woke me up on the 15th anniversary of his death to reminisce about summer. Think of the better days…the days when we were all together, not of the dark days that I have been gone..

I have never heard of a thunderstorm here in December. It should’ve been a blizzard. On very rare occasion, I have witnessed snow thunder probably two or three times in my life. Snow storms and thunderstorms usually don’t mix. But we didn’t get any snow yet, just rain. It has been very warm for this time of year. This month we broke some record high temps and are on schedule to have the 5th warmest year ever recorded. Yesterday I even saw geese flying north. The birds seem as confused as we are. I am not complaining. I was able to run outside several times already this December. I have never been able to run outside in December before.

The ice fishermen are complaining though. In about two weeks, the ice should be thick enough to walk on. In January, you should be able to drive a truck on the ice. But this year the ice hasn’t started forming yet. Some people have been desperate enough to get their boats out of storage. It’s a shame, we could’ve gone sailing. I’m sorry, if I’d known that buying cross country skis last year would have this kind of effect on our winters, I wouldn’t have done it. Geez.

On these dreary days, I just want to sleep or curl up next to the fireplace with a good book. Except I don’t have a fireplace. So I will settle with curling up next to the Christmas tree with a good blog.

I tri hard for you

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A couple months back when my husband and I were at a business conference, we were invited to a customer appreciation meal at a steak house along with about 50 other clients. Unfortunately, we were the last people to leave the appetizer and cocktail reception to make our way to supper and got separated from our friends. By the time we caught up with them, their table and almost every table except for one table was full. So we sat down with a group of strangers. The good news was that all of us at the table had at least one thing in common. We were all in the same business. If everything else failed to spark a conversation, at least we could talk about work.

I never grew up being a great conversationalist. Paul, however, is a great conversationalist and I learned a lot just by watching him. When I meet new people, the first thing I try to do is find a common interest and ask questions. Do they have kids? Yes, then ask questions about their kids. Who doesn’t like talking about their kids? I know I do. They don’t have kids. Okay, if they are close to me in age I might reminisce about rotary phones. Do they have pets? Are they a runner??? Ding, ding, ding. I hit the jackpot with this group.

About half of the people at our table had just run their first marathon like I did. We exchanged our dog chase stories. Now after a couple of drinks and finding people with similar interests, I seem to forget that I am shy. It was at this time that one of the people at our table stated that he did his first triathlon. He said that he was so proud that he put it on his business cards. Rather gullibly, I responded with a quick “Really? Wow.” Everyone stopped eating and looked at me with eyes that questioned my intelligence. Time for me to crack a joke. “I bet your business card says I tri harder for you.” Everyone laughed loudly. That opened the night up for a lot of running jokes. Our table was voted as the table that had the most fun and laughter.

Another reason why I love being a runner. There are plenty of stories to run by that we can laugh about later.

Just one of those days

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It’s been one of those days. It started with an argument with my husband, well more of a disagreement. Over what? Making plans for next summer. It has started before the calendar has even been turned to 2016. Next summer is getting booked up. What about this date? You know it is my mother’s birthday. Maybe she wants to go along? Well, don’t forget that is when the school usually has their summer school musical theater show. And when do you think we will need to move our daughter into college?? Yadda, yadda, yadda. Oh my, we surely don’t want to start double booking summer events already. Summer is short and the list of things to do is long. I have an idea, maybe we should plan summers 2 years in advance. Geez.

Then I decided to go for a 12 mile run before work. It went pretty good except now I am tired and every part of my body feels sore. Yes, even my toenails. Yes, even my hair. My stomach has been upset all day. I just don’t feel well.

I got to work and the internet and phone lines were down for hours even though our provider said that our service would be disrupted for about 20 minutes. There is nothing more frustrating than sitting around doing nothing when you have work to do. Except paying someone to sit around doing nothing. I decided to send our employee home to work out of the house after she came in this afternoon. I also went home. When I got home, I received the great news that everything was up and running again. Then the calls started pouring in from clients asking why things were taking so long.

Maybe I should just go back to bed! But I can’t. I volunteered to sing for the Advent service tonight. Some days I feel as gloomy as the empty grey days. Blah. It’s just one of those days.

Winter fitness forecast

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Last year my husband and I bought cross country skis. We thought that it would be an excellent way to enjoy exercising outside in the cold snowy winter months. Running on icy snowy roads really isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. I did end up dusting off my treadmill last week. Not because of the snow, we haven’t had enough of that for my grandma to even write flurries on her calendar if she was still living. Last week brought about cool and very windy days. Even I am not crazy enough to run outside in the cold against 40 mph winds.

Last year we bought skis and didn’t get any snow. Really? Well, it figures. In the winter months, I cut back my running down to about 18 miles per week and let Jillian Michaels kick my butt an hour a week. I don’t have any races coming up until next May. I am planning on doing another marathon. Call me vain, but I love how I look all muscular, tone, and lean when I am training for a marathon. This time of year, who cares? I mean half of the month I don’t even bother to shave. I guess there are a few benefits to living in a cold climate.

I am really counting on snow to supplement my exercise routine. We really want to go cross country skiing this year. On average where I live we get a little over 50 inches (130 cm) of snow per season. Statistically speaking, we should be able to ski unless my buying skis last year gives me another year of bad luck regarding snowfall. Imagine if I bought a snowmobile?!? Geez.

My husband and I also depend on snowfall for our other form of exercise, snow shoveling. We have a moderately long driveway. All our neighbors hire someone with a snowplow or have a snow blower. We argue over who gets to shovel. Seriously, this doesn’t give us many sanity points with our neighbors. Yes, we are those fitness freaks. I am so happy that my husband and I are at similar fitness levels. We have so much of the world left to actively explore.

If running doesn’t kill me, it will make me stronger!

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On my way home from work this past week, I followed a drunk driver. He was weaving all over the road, in and out of the ditch almost taking out some signs, just missing mailboxes and garbage bins. I felt anger towards the man in the truck as I thought of the school bus returning the little neighborhood kids meer minutes ago. Then it hit me. I wasn’t safe either. Neither were the other bikers or runners. 

At my last doctors appointment, I was told that I was in great shape. My already low cholesterol levels dropped 50 points. My blood pressure was low. I am the epitome of health (something I always remind the doctors of when I am sick). My weight was perfect. Absolutely everything was wonderful. I attributed this to all of my running. I thought the doctor would prescribe me cigarettes, liquor, and a sedentary lifestyle. Seriously, how else is she going to make money off of me?? Injury, well yes, I suppose there could be that. 

There is no doubt that running has made me stronger and healthier. But my anxious mind also thought about how it could kill me. Here are my 50 ways to kill a runner:

1. Getting mauled by a bear, wolf, or dog. 

2. Getting struck by lightening. 

3. Getting overheated. Warm running days don’t happen that often in WI, but when they do we are not prepared for it. 

4. Freezing to death. 

5. Sweating to death. 

6. Tripping over my own feet and hitting my head on the control panel of my treadmill. 

7. Getting struck in the head by flying debris. This could happen when a truck carrying rocks goes over a bump or when someone tosses a beer bottle out the window. This happens, I see all of the crap that you throw out your window. 

8. Dehydration. 

9. Drunk drivers. I try to run in the mornings to avoid this problem.  

10. Dark trails in the woods that happen to be next to a gun range. What? That is a homicide waiting to happen. 

11. Getting hit by a stray bullet. 

12. Getting attacked by a swarm of angry birds or bees. You never know about the birds and the bees. 

13. Delivery drivers, they are always in a hurry. 

14. Now that I think about it, maybe my mail carrier. She never smiles or waves. 

15. Getting caught in white out conditions from snow and getting lost or hit by a car. 

16. Getting hit by a car. 

17. Getting hit by a car!!

18. Getting hit by a car!!!  At least you have a chance of outrunning the rapist. 

19. Getting swept away by a tornado. 

20. Did I mention flash floods?

21. Slipping on ice and bumping my head. 

22. Those service truck guys who ask for directions. 

23. Electrocution from downed power lines. 

24. Running so fast that people don’t seem to see you. 

25. Items that fall from overhanging trees. 

26. Trying to save a cat from getting hit by a car and getting hit by a car. 

27. New drivers. 

28. Old drivers. 

29. Getting hit by a train. 

30. Getting an infection from all of the chaffing. 

31. Getting West Nile, malaria, or Lyme’s Disease from bugs attracted to a sweaty stinky body. 

32. A deadly sunburn. 

33. Being scared to death by a runner that sneaks up behind you. 

34. Choking on rehydration products. 

35. The smell of stinky sweaty running clothes is enough to kill someone alone. 

36. Getting hit by a school bus due to kids distracting the driver. 

37. Training for a marathon. 

38. Infected bloody toenails 

39. Getting pneumonia from running in the rain. 

40. Running in the dark. 

41. Running barefoot and stepping on dirty needles. 

42. Idiot drivers that are texting. 

43. Women who are doing their hair or makeup while driving because they are late for work again. 

44. New parents distracted by a crying baby or the kid who snuck out of his car seat again. 

45. Is there really nothing good on the radio people who veer the direction they are changing their radio station in. 

46. Did I tell you about the wooded trails?

47. Creepy guys in white unmarked vans. 

48. People so in love they can’t keep their eyes on the road. 

49. Falling over in exhaustion. 

50. Seriously, do you know hard it was coming up with 50 ways to kill a runner???

I used to think that running would prolong my life, but now I am not so sure. 


Get a clue

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image

As a runner, I cringe every time I see this picture. In my former life, I was an actress. Ok, I had several lead parts in community theater to be more accurate. I wore these shoes when I played the part of Ms. Scarlett in Clue. It was my favorite part. I loved the character, I loved the music. It was one of the best times in my life. I walked in those shoes for 8 shows. I even dyed my hair dark brown. I got to make out on stage with Mr. Green, played by my husband. People asked us after the show if we were married to each other because if we weren’t we wouldn’t be married much longer. We had the chemistry. It was wonderful. 

But things weren’t always wonderful. Sometimes there was more drama back stage than on. Like that time that my husband was cast as “the husband” and I was the maid. I hated the part of having to be a servant of my husband and his new “wife”. The new wife was my age, beautiful, and outgoing. She demanded attention when I did not. The first time she met my husband she said to me, “your husband is so hot that I could do a little lap dance for him.” Needless to say an instant friendship wasn’t struck. That was the first time that my husband and I stepped down from a role. About a year later, his “wife” left her husband for another guy that she had a part with. 

I had a few other great roles; Cinderella, Glinda the Good, and the Sour Kangeroo (Seussical). We also had our whole family involved, it was great. My husband played the part of Scrooge and my son was Tiny Tim. Those were the days. 

Last night I watched my daughter perform as Alice in Alice in Wonderland. She is now filling out college applications for musical theater. She started at age 8 as a dwarf in the performance Snow White. Since then she has been in 30+ shows. There is nothing in the world like watching your daughter perform. It makes me miss the stage. I will be back. But I will not be wearing 3 inch heels. I wonder if I can perform in running shoes?