My mom’s first appointment the day her POA was activated was rough. My mom was crying and begging me to be able to have Matt overnight at her house again. Due to two recent medication errors, Matt’s case manager, nurse, and I made the call to not allow Matt to stay at our parents house overnight anymore. He was, however, free to visit them between 8AM and 8PM between medication times. My mom told her doctor she was not allowed to see him at all. Her primary doctor said she would be willing to be the second signature on the POA form and gave me the form to take to her afternoon neurologist appointment.

The primary doctor said that we needed to look for a facility to take care of my mom. She said that we should look into everything before it became a crisis and it has been at crisis stage for too long now. I told the doctor my parents wanted to stay at home and refused to go. My mom was adamant that my dad was going to take care of her. She said he was loving and supportive, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Her doctor said in her 25 years of being a doctor, she only saw two husbands that were able to care for their wives and they had large families nearby to help. Not children who lived far away and were working full-time. She said worst case scenario was that I needed to call adult protective services to have them removed from their home.

After the appointment, I dropped my mom off at home and drove an hour to close the guardianship account my parents created for my brother back in the 90’s. The rep payee account had finally come through and I needed to close the old account. Upon arriving at the bank, the teller contacted her manager stating that I wanted to close an account that wasn’t mine. The manager said absolutely not as I pulled out the guardianship paperwork. The manager had to speak to the higher ups as I sat waiting in the lobby for an hour. When they finally talked to me, they told me the original account from 1994 was not set up as a guardianship account. Although I am now the guardian, they might still need my parents to come in to sign off the account because it was listed as a joint account. At this point, I was feeling really stressed. I was trying to hold back anger and tears as I explained I lived an hour and a half away. My dad can’t walk and my mom is losing her mind. Along with becoming my brother’s guardian, my mom’s POA was most likely going to be activated that afternoon.

I didn’t know when I would be able to come back with my parents. I took the day off to deal with everything. There wasn’t much else I could do and I had to be back for my mom’s afternoon appointment. After I left, I received a call from the bank saying the higher ups approved the closing of the account. I turned around and finally closed the account.

I picked my mom up for her second appointment of the day. She was still upset with me about Matt and was now crying because she thought she was going to be committed. The doctor was running late. After waiting for another hour, we finally saw the doctor. I explained everything that was happening, how my mom was getting worse since the last appointment. The doctor seemed upset she didn’t schedule to see my mom sooner. She signed the POA forms on the spot. Then she dropped the bomb of frontotemporal dementia. Since my mom was still crying, she asked if my mom was still on anti-depressants. I thought so but I didn’t go to that appointment with her. She told me my mom needed memory care ASAP. She said being at home was a major safety concern, especially with cooking.

I asked the neurologist about genetic testing. She said that I could if I wanted to but it was a waste of time because this condition is something you don’t have any power or control over and there is no cure. My thoughts turned dark, I would do anything to not do this to my own children and spouse. But I would have no idea I was losing my mind. For several weeks, I fell into a deep dark despair. I am still grieving the loss of my mother who is still alive. I am grieving the future I thought I would have. Angel did say something that made me feel a lot better which was that they were planning on taking care of me anyway whether I was in a wheelchair or lost my mind.