26. The popular notion the world has wrong

Day 26: What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

The popular notion that I think the world has most wrong is that love is a feeling.

I once heard from a very wise man that love is a verb. Love is an action and not just a feeling.

I don’t think that falling out of love is an uncommon reason for divorce. 

It seems socially acceptable to hop in and out of relationships when those feelings of love dissipate. Just look at Hollywood couples. Do you ever wonder how long those relationships will last? I would admit that there must be some excitement in always being in love, being with someone new.   

Love and marriage take a lot of work. I should know since I have been married 19 years. I wish I could tell you that you will feel the same way towards your spouse that you did on your wedding day. Sadly enough, those feelings don’t last very long especially when you throw kids or stressful jobs into the mix. But soon those feelings of ‘in love’ are replaced with something far deeper.

The in love period is intense, passionate, and volitile. The butterflies when that someone special walks in the room or touches you. The feeling that you can’t live without each other for more than a few minutes. The questions of trust and intent forever swirling through your mind. Does he love me? Or does he not?? It has been a long time since I felt that way.

After being together for over 20 years, I know everything there is to know. All of the stories. I know all of his strengths and weaknesses. I know his habits, how he responds under stress, and his likes. There is stability in knowing that our relationship will last. I don’t question that anymore…

There was a brief time after the initial feelings of being in love passed.. I wondered if I still loved him…Did he still love me? Were we supposed to stay together if we didn’t feel that way anymore? 

It is so important to find someone with similar beliefs and values. That is what is going to be left when the feelings are gone. The in love feeling doesn’t last long enough. But as much as I would like to be young and in love again, I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything in the world… 

I really wish our culture wouldn’t generate the notion that being happily married only lasts as long as the feelings do. It can be so much more than that. Love is not just a feeling. Real love is being loving after those initial feelings are gone. It is a far more superior love if you can get past not feeling in love anymore.

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