Anniversary

This girl on the train

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Sometimes people like a story of great tragedy, drama, and suspense. But not today, people, I’m on vacation. If you could call taking a few days off to run 18 miles a vacation, that is.

Last night, my husband and I stayed overnight in Milwaukee at The Brewhouse Inn and Suites. Only in WI can you stay at a hotel that was once a brewery. Across the street is a microbrewery that was once a church. We spent most of the evening at the bar and grill next door. We happened to be there eating during trivia night. The trivia turned to 80’s bands. I exclaimed, “Oh my gosh, I had that tape back in the 80’s”. A young guy at the next table said that his mom did too. His mom?? As we looked around the room, we were the oldest ones there. Seems like we are either the oldest or youngest in the crowd lately. Ah, midlife…but still no pending crisis. 

It was a warm evening when we pulled in, probably the warmest of the year around 70 degrees. But today it is snowing at home. 

Before we left, my husband and I renewed our passports. For the first time, I listed my adult daughter as an emergency contact instead of my mom. It was a sobering experience. Paul’s mom passed away this year and she was younger than my mom. By the time it is time to renew my passport again, my mom will almost be 80. Yikes! 

Paul and I are planning on taking a trip for our 20th anniversary next winter. Twenty years doesn’t seem that long. Where did the time go? Then I look around at my closest friends, only one couple has been married longer. My two best friends have been married half as long on their second marriages.

At first I wanted to plan a trip to Bora Bora. But apparently February is their rainy season. The last thing I want to do is spend tons of money and be stuck indoors. Seriously, we are not newlyweds. 

This summer over our anniversary we are planning on going sailing for a week. I would like to sail to Washington Island on the tip of Door County. Believe it or not, I have never been there. I told my husband that wherever we are exactly at the time that we got married, we would do a little vow renewal. I am going to present him with a new wedding band since he lost his second at the theater. The first he broke fishing. Hobbies! 

I can see us pulling up to some beach somewhere decked out and asking a random stranger to participate. My husband exclaimed how spontaneous that was of me. Seriously, I am planning it all out right now!

Right now this girl is on the train. We left Milwaukee this morning and are heading to Michigan so I can do 18 miles of trail running with my cousin. It is supposed to be cold and rainy for the race. At least it won’t be snowing I guess. 

This is my first time on an Amtrak train. I did ride the subway in Chicago and a few old trains at museums. Please Europeans, stop laughing. 

I did see some Amish people waiting for the train at a table nearby. Their eyes were glued to the big screen TV behind me. I chuckled inwardly as they watched a pharmaceutical ad with their jaws dropped. Everyone else in the room did everything not to watch the commercials. I love people watching.

Here’s to the start of the racing season. Here’s to 18 miles of grueling trail running in the muddy rain. Here’s to our first long trip on a train. 

I’m going to try to not worry about the kids or work. It’s time for adventure.. 

Anniversary race

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The sailboats are snuggling in their harbor slips deceptively calm before the start of the race.

On our actual anniversary date, I decided to join Paul as crew on his sailboat race. It is risky for a married couple to do, especially on their anniversary date. I was one of the few, if not only, wife out racing last night with her husband.

I have heard a lot of wives say that they can not race with their husbands. In the excitement of the event, the husband at times can raise his voice and speak harshly to his wife. I spoke to someone this weekend who said that she cried after her husband yelled during a race. They got into a big argument, and never raced together since.

I work with my husband, so…

Then there are the wives that don’t want to go sailing at all. There are a lot of reasons why. They are afraid of being on water and boats. Boating is the only mode of transportation that doesn’t terrify me. Another really good reason….they are afraid of spiders. Again, not me. I don’t even mind touching them. Or maybe, just maybe, they can’t stand their husband. Who knows? I love sailing. What is there not to love? Every time is a different adventure even if you go to the same place.

I prefer cruising over racing though. Can I let you in on a little secret?? There was more yelling during our anniversary cruise than on our anniversary race. Not to worry, it was nothing major. Paul accused me of not caring about him anymore. He is right. Sometimes I am uncaring. I lack patience. I lack empathy. I think that part of growing up in survival mode has made both of us lack empathy. We needed to have a thick skin and not care. But that is no excuse.

Sometimes I wish the honeymoon phase of marriage lasted a little bit longer. Maybe it would have if we didn’t have a newborn on our first anniversary. Who knows? It seems like those annoying quirks that I thought were cute at first didn’t stay cute for very long. Now we have a mutual annoyance for each other. Then add busyness and stress to the picture which tends to naturally give me less tolerance and makes me more critical.

It takes a lot of work to make a marriage great after being together over 20 years, but it is well worth the effort. We are trying to be more supportive, not take each other for granted, and take the time needed to make our relationship a priority. It is difficult because neither one of us has ever been shown this.

After the race, we celebrated our anniversary in a little dive bar. It was one of the few places that serves food after dark. Surprisingly, the food was great. We played a game of darts together and talked to another sailor that wandered in. He told us that he wished his wife would sail with him. Then we went home and decided to call it a year.

19th anniversary sail continued…

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And just like that, Sunday morning arrived and it was time to sail home. It was a warm day with agreeable winds that would blow us back home.

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This is a picture of Paul attaching the whisker pole to the jib sail. This allowed us to open our sails wide to let the breeze carry us home.

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It can be lonely out on the open water. We saw a couple of birds, boats, and this big cargo ship on the horizon. Paul said that the only time he sees me fully relax is when I am on the sailboat. We can be heeling at a sharp angle with me calmly snoozing.

Today we have been married for 19 years and together for 21.

A few years ago, I saw an older couple walking together hand in hand on the beach. We had the opportunity to talk and I asked them how long they have been together since they looked so happy and in love. They responded that they have been dating for 6 months or some similar period of time. What I don’t see is what I want to be. I want to be that couple that has been together over 20 years walking hand in hand on the beach.

I worry about the changes that this next year will bring. We are facing the loss of our first parent this coming year. Saying good-bye has been a difficult process. Plus, in a few short weeks, we are sending our firstborn off to college and into the adult world.

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On the last leg of our journey, another sailboat pulled up along side of us. They warmly greeted us with shouts we could barely hear then continued sailing a different way. Our paths intersected for a short time.

Paul had to be back early for play practice, but we had a few minutes to stop at a quiet sandy beach. We let the cool waves take us to shore. When we got there, we found a little sailboat stuck partially under the sand. We carried the pieces to shore. It was sad to see the broken abandoned boat. It felt like we were seeing a lost dream. The wind must have taken it from its home.

No matter where the winds of life end up taking us, I am happy to be with a great man.

And for that brief moment in time, we were able to walk hand in hand on the beach.

19th anniversary sail

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Seconds tick into minutes. The gears of time grind onward clicking minutes into hours. Hours turn into days, then months, then years, then decades. Before I knew it, I spent half my life with the same person. Sometimes I want to stop the sand from flowing through the hourglass so fast, suspend time for awhile. I wish our days were as numerous as sand on the beach then I won’t have to grasp time so greedily before it slips away.

Paul and I left Friday morning to sail to our destination, a beautiful resort in Door County for our 19th anniversary. The winds were against us. But we didn’t have time to go any other days, we had to force it. Last minute I decided to pack my rain coat, even though we weren’t expecting rain. I took the above picture as we were leaving. A few minutes later, I exchanged my shorts for pants and put on my rain coat. We were sailing against the wind and 3 to 6 foot waves were smashing into the bow soaking me. We had to motor for 2 hours under these conditions. I barely kept down my breakfast. I guess that is what happens when nature conflicts with your schedule.
 

After several hours of fighting the waves, we finally were able to sail through smoother waters. We did sail awhile for fun, but it didn’t get us towards our destination. It is ironic how something seemingly small, like the wind or a slight change in direction, can set the whole trajectory off course. Marriage is a lot like that at times too. The funny thing is that we don’t really notice the little changes at the time. Only when we look back with a great amount of reflection can we try to chart where we went off course. 

 

We arrived safely at our destination and were very warmly greeted by the other sailors. We were even offered the use of a car if an emergency arose at home which I came close to taking them up on. Lol. I AM the worried mother of three teenagers after all! We toured a larger sailboat and were offered a sail the following morning. We politely declined to explore a new beach. 

The next morning we motored 45 minutes to a small beach that was remote to get to from land but rather crowded by water. We were planning on blowing up our dingy and having a picnic on shore followed by a swim. The spot where we anchored was rather weedy. Then we noticed that the beach was full and the water was empty. So we decided to ditch the whole dingy idea and head back to the resort pool. We were talking about the beach we explored with someone and how the people didn’t seem to care for the water. We were told that the water was 61 degrees! Bbbrrrrr!! I’m glad we decided to eat our lunch aboard and head back to the resort pool. I even went into the hot tub and sauna for awhile. 

That is summer in Wisconsin. 

To be continued…. 

1 year bloggaversary

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Wow, it’s been exactly a year since I started blogging. And I am still here! And I am still trying to post something every day. What a fun adventure this turned out to be. I have met some awesome people! Unfortunately, I’ve seen some of my favorite bloggers come and go in the short time I have been here. But I am still here! Don’t worry, I have enough funny and/or crazy stories to last another decade!! I have come to realize that it takes more than having an interesting story, or even being a good writer, to have a successful blog. It takes dedication and one part insanity. Characteristics that I apparently do not lack. Lol. It is difficult to keep going sometimes, especially during the times when no one seems to like what you write. Not to mention opening up and being vulnerable to the whole world!! 

You know what time it is?? Time to examine my old bucket list and create a new one. Here we go, top 10 from 6 months ago:

  1. Publish a book. I haven’t done this, however I am having so much fun with blogging that I really don’t want to write a book anymore.
  2. Travel to all continents, except Antarctica. I am not doing terribly good with this one. But I do want to keep it on my list as something to continue to strive towards.
  3. Read the whole Bible all the way through. In January, I crossed this off my bucket list!
  4. Be a singer in a band. Okay, I didn’t get very far with this one either. Sometimes Paul plays his guitar while I sing on the sailboat. Does that count? Yeah, probably not. I still want to keep it on the list.
  5. Drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day. Maybe next year I’ll have the time to kick back and relax! Not everything on my list is a marathon.
  6. Get a tattoo. Funny story, Angel has been giving me crap about wanting to get a tattoo. Now almost half of the girls in her graduating class turned 18 and got a tattoo. Now Angel mentioned wanting to get a tattoo with me on her 18th birthday. I think I talked her out of it for a couple more years. Since she wants to be a classical singer, it might be a pain to cover tattoos on stage. Fun fact, my brother Luke got a tattoo when he was a teen. He has an ugly scary clown tattooed on his arm. He sure regrets that tattoo now. I say wait until you are 25, or longer in my case. I am still trying to figure out what I want.
  7. Do my first triathlon. I am still planning on doing this in July. Since my first bucket list a year ago, I was happy to check off my first marathon and now I’ve done two.
  8. Try surfing. I had big plans on doing this while we were in Florida this past winter, but it didn’t work out. I did swim in the cold ocean water though. I am planning on going to California in a couple of months and maybe I can check it off my list then.
  9. Re-create the music video Rio by Duran Duran on the sailboat. I’m not sure if I will be able to swing it, but I’ll try.
  10. Learn how to use a gun.

New bucket list:

  • Travel all continents
  • Sing in a band
  • Drink the green beer
  • Get a tattoo
  • First triathlon
  • Surfing
  • Make a music video
  • Learn how to use a gun
  • Write music and sing it
  • Preserve old family photos
  • Go salmon fishing

 Thanks for reading and putting up with me!! 🙂

 

Grace uncommon, part 1

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Today was the day that it all started. Today was the day that it all ended. 

I wasn’t there when the story began almost 100 years ago. I couldn’t tell you if it was a cold or snowy day. But I could tell you how it all unravelled.

Eight years ago, I received a phone call from my mom saying that the end was near. It was Aunt Grace’s birthday. But she wasn’t going to be having birthday cake. She hadn’t eaten in two weeks. 

I needed to wait for Paul to get home from work so I could leave. The kids were too young to be left alone or come along. I had to drive 45 minutes on country back roads to see her. A storm was brewing. My mom went to be with her. The winds picked up. It was getting dark when Paul got home. The snow had started to fall. The roads were getting icy. God had other plans.

Eight inches of snow came down that evening. Blowing swirling snow on icy roads would make the drive to Grace treacherous. I was stuck at home feeling guilty for not being there. My mom held Aunt Grace tight as the light within her slowly started to fade away. Although Aunt Grace was my mom’s aunt in law, my mom loved her like a mother. Grace passed away on her 89th birthday.

Aunt Grace was the most eccentric person that I have known. She was by no means ordinary or common. 

Today is the day that Grace’s story will be reborn. 

The travel diaries, Mackinac Island

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At the point where Lake Michigan and Lake Huron collide lies the beautiful Mackinac Island. On the map, you will find it between Upper and Lower Michigan visible from the daunting Mackinac Bridge which connects Michigan. It was here that I remember a dream being born. It was on this island that Paul told me that he would like to try sailing for the first time. He said this as we watched sailboats enter the harbor finishing a sailing race from Chicago to Mackinac Island. He said that he could see himself on that sailboat race someday. It has been about 100 years since the first sailboat race from Chicago to Mackinac Island. Who knows? Maybe for the 100th anniversary you might see us there. It is one of the world’s longest sailboat races that takes place in freshwater and we wouldn’t even need a plane ticket to get there.

It took many years for the dream to take root and grow. It has been at least a decade since we have visited the island. This will be our third year of having a sailboat. Sorry for the lack of pictures. The last time I visited was before I even had a digital camera. Okay, maybe it has been more than ten years. I think we visited the island for our 5th anniversary, but so much water has passed under the bridge since then that I am even having a hard time recollecting that.

The first time that we visited the island, we stayed in St. Ignace. We loved the island so much that we decided to stay there on another trip. While we were in St. Ignace, we took the bridge over to Mackinaw City where at the time was a water park. We spent the warmest day at the water park. I remember it was in the upper 60’s in the middle of summer. A cold wind was blowing off the lake while we froze. I wonder if that water park is still there? It didn’t seem like an ideal location to me.

Our second trip to the island we stayed in a little B&B near the harbor downtown. The room itself was the size of a large closet. But it didn’t really matter that much to me. We were there to explore everything on the island. The island employees a lot of seasonal summer help from Jamaica. The woman that served breakfast in the morning was from there. She softly sang Annie’s Song while cooking and cleaning up. It was so soothing to hear her singing that I decided we would spend our 10th anniversary in Jamaica.  We liked the culture of the people. They seemed to be carefree and happy. I bet that woman never knew she had an impact on my travel choices.

When you step foot on the island, you are instantly transported back in time. Motorized vehicles are not allowed on the island. The main mode of transportation are bikes and horses. It is relaxing hearing the horses feet clop while falling asleep at night. Paul and I spent a lot of time biking. The island is 8 miles around with a paved bike trail surrounding the perimeter of the island. We witnessed a bike accident one time while we were there. A little boy ran out in front of a group of bicyclists. No one was seriously hurt, but the child was scraped up pretty badly. Paul took his canteen over to the child and cleaned his wounds.

The outside bike path can get pretty congested at times. The second trip we brought bikes instead of renting them. This allowed us to explore the inner parts of the island. Otherwise you need to rent bikes which can get pricey. The inner part of the island is rather hilly. We road by the airport, the governor of Michigan’s summer house, and explored several old cemetaries. The island is also home to a fort which we explored and ate supper at while overlooking the island.

As far as nightlife goes, we spent a couple evenings at The Pink Pony bar and grill. They featured live music which most of the time was a man playing classic rock songs on his acoustic guitar. It was a very popular place to go.

The last time that I visited the island, I stayed at the Grand Hotel. I went with a group of church ladies for a women’s retreat. We went during the week at the end of the season (which I believe is in October) when the last ferries go to the island with visitors. The hotel itself seems to be rather old but not unkept. It is fashioned in the Victorian style. We took our picture next to an antique carriage displayed inside. It really gives the flavor of staying at a classy late 1800’s resort for rich snobby people. I think it would be fun to go there dressed in era fashions or do some sort of Victorian period murder mystery party. Our meals were included in our stay which was in a large ornate hall. They had a 4 piece jazz band that played during the meal. The ambiance was remarkable and the food I remember was delectable too. I remember eating a very good lobster bisque and creme brulee there which says a lot since I haven’t been there in a decade.

There is also an 80’s movie called Somewhere in Time which was filmed at the Grand Hotel. I am sorry to say that never passed the sleep test for me. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stay awake while watching it. So I would pass on that unless you are into slow pace romance movies, then maybe.

Mackinac Island is also known for its fudge. The island has several fudge shops, candy stores, and ice cream parlors. Mackinac Island fudge ice cream is also available. Just stay away from the Mackinac Island horse apples. They aren’t good. 

Even though you are surrounded by water, you will not find many beaches or swimming pools on the island. You can leave the bike trails at any time and jump in the water. I wouldn’t suggest it because the water is very cold. Very few people live on the island year round.

If you visit the island, you will feel the peacefulness of stepping back in time while still enjoying modern conveniences such as running water and electricity. To get the full experience, leave your cell phone in your car. Or take it one step further and dress like characters from Little House on the Prairie. Now that would be fun!

 

The travel diaries, St. Lucia part 2

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If you ever plan a trip to St. Lucia, you absolutely have to spend the day at Pigeon Island. It is a park on a hill that used to be a fort at one time. You will find yourself surrounded by ancient relics in the most beautiful place in the world.

If you are staying at a Sandals resort do not buy the excursion there. Simply get yourself to the Sandals Grand St. Lucian resort. Then walk across the parking lot until you get to the enterance. You will see someone in what looks like a toll booth. If I remember right, we paid less than $10 per couple to get in.

I took the first picture from the top of the hill facing the Sandals resort. The resort itself is on the middle left hand side of the picture with the red roofs. This resort has a very impressive beach as well which we enjoyed. It also seems like a popular sailing destination.

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It was wonderful to travel with friends for many reasons. One of the best reasons was that we were able to get so many pictures together as a couple which we didn’t get in other locations. We both purchased expensive cameras to capture every minute of the best trip I have ever been on.

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This is a picture of Lisa and I sitting on top of a building within the fort.

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The view on top of the fort.

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The picture above is my favorite picture of Paul and I that was ever taken. We were able to explore the park at our leisure. It wasn’t crowded inside. The best part was that we could walk within the crumbling structures. It wasn’t cordoned off in any way. There weren’t any signs that cautioned danger. It was something that I know would be frowned upon if not downright illegal in the U.S.

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It was falling apart. It was dangerous. It was fun.

We were so in love with St. Lucia that we didn’t want to leave.

 

The travel diaries, St. Lucia part 1

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For our 15th wedding anniversary, Paul and I took a trip to the caribbean island of St. Lucia. It is the most beautiful place that I have ever been. I decided to break this into 2 parts simply because I had a hard time narrowing down the pictures that I wanted to post. Our friends Tom and Lisa also accompanied us on this trip.

We stayed at the Sandals Halcyon resort, one of three Sandals resorts on the island. My favorite resort, however, is the Sandals Grand St. Lucian. It was very large and had by far the best beach. The location was absolutely lovely (more on that tomorrow). Unfortunately, we had a room very close to the bar. It was where all of the hustle and bustle was and was loud at night. I would recommend asking for a quiet room. The beach was very small at the resort and flooded with vendors. I must have bought at least 3 bracelets before the trip was through. There was a dirty man that sold aloe vera on the beach too, rubbing it on the backs of guests for a small fee.

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While we were there, we booked a excursion with Joes Knows to see the Pitons and a volcano tour. We went with our friends and a couple of other people we didn’t know. The tour guides were top notch. They brought out the rum punch first thing. They cranked the party music and we were off. Our first stop was the Pitons. Above is a picture of us with the Pitons in the background. The tour guides said that the water is as deep as the mountains are high. We went snorkeling in the water near the Pitons. The water was very clear to see the tropical fish.

Then we stopped close to a bat cave. It was more of a crevice full of squeaking bats. We saw a resort that didn’t have any outer walls taking the open concept to new extremes. It was a very expensive place to stay. We saw celebrity homes. When we got closer to shore we saw young teens diving off of a cliff like they were performing for us. The tour guides said to not give them money even though they begged because they were school drop outs.

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There really was not that much to see at the volcano as I thought there would be. It was just a big mass of yellow steaming sulfer. Then we walked down the stairs and waited in a short line by a muddy river. We were instructed to paint each other with the mud from the river for pictures. After we finished, we sat with our friends in a dirty mud bath that was hotter than a hot tub. It was very relaxing. I would suggest wearing an older suit that you can throw out afterwards. The sulfer smell lingers in your suit for awhile.

After the calming hot mud bath, we toured a waterfall. We plunged into the cool refreshing waist deep water. Then took an ice cold shower in the waterfall. The hot mud bath and cold refreshing waterfall was therapeutic, similar to a day spent at the spa.

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On the way back to the resort, we stopped at a location where the Pirates of the Caribbean was filmed. I want to say it was called Lady Slipper. If you look closely you can see a high heel shoe in the rock formation. The guides said we could take a break and jump into the water. So that is what we did. The water was remarkably clear giving us the ability to see everything.

The water is so deep in St. Lucia that it is a great location for large vessels. We saw many sailboats and even a large cruise ship in the harbor. It was in St. Lucia that Paul sailed his first sailboat, a little Hobie Cat.

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Back at the resort, one night Paul decided to go to bed early. I always wanted to check jumping into a pool in formal attire off of my bucket list. So that is exactly what Lisa and I did. Tom took pictures, then we came up with a plan to have me talk it up and them to pretend that it didn’t happen until we saw the pictures at home.

There were many things to do at the resort. One evening we were entertained by a local steel drum band. I enjoyed the Piton beer and a special blender drink that I had a hard time replicating at home. We met some wild Canadians that didn’t seem to know what to do in sunlight and warm weather. The guy carried around a boombox on his shoulder that constantly played Fat Bottom Girls.

At night, we sat around the fire. The funny thing was that we met a lot of new people that were all Wisconsinites. We sat around commiserating about the winter weather that we had to return to. It was strange to be somewhere foreign but feel completely at home surrounded by people from our culture. There was also a large group of cats that roamed freely around the resort. Rumor has it that a Wisconsinite saw a large rat like creature in the trees that the cats ate. Who knows? All I know was that I liked seeing them there. After seeing what looked like a cat of mine that passed away, I thought it was cat paradise.

It sure was paradise for me.

 

Bon voyage on life’s next journey

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Writing has finally paid off for me. Literally. A week or so back I wrote a post about my bad travel experience with Delta airlines. I decided to go ahead and write them a very detailed complaint letter. What would it hurt? Maybe I would feel better if nothing else. I never had any problems with the airline before. I have never written a complaint letter before either. Today I received an apology letter from Delta along with a $200 gift card. I believe that this rectifies the situation. I wanted to share this response with you because a kind apology goes a long way with me if I feel wronged. It is fair. Ah, redemption and not just redeaming a gift card.

Today I received this gift on the 7th anniversary of my grandma’s death. I know what you are thinking…what does this have to do with flying?? In a weird twisted way, a lot. I planned our first family vacation to Disney a little over 7 years ago. I had planned the whole vacation, made reservations for meals, and purchased airline tickets to be called in a few days before our vacation to see my grandma on her death bed. I didn’t know what to do. I never traveled with the children before. I didn’t buy the extra insurance that allowed me to cancel the trip. And one of the closest people to me in the whole world was leaving it.

The family was called in to say good bye a few days before we were scheduled to leave. My grandma was delirious on Morphine. She spent a lot of time sleeping when we were there. She muttered and cried out, but was not aware of our presence. The following day I went to visit my grandma by myself for a little while. She refused the Morphine so she could be awake to talk to me. She told me that she wanted me to go on vacation. She told me that she was ready to see grandpa and her parents again. She said that I needed to let her go to be with those that passed before her. She said that I would be ok and that someday that the pain of her memory would fade. She lived a long full happy life and was ready for her final journey. 

So we went on our vacation. While we were gone, I called home frequently to be told that grandma was doing good. We got home from our trip Saturday night. When I called my mom, she told me that grandma was doing really well so well that she might be able to come back home. I didn’t need to rush out and visit her right away that night. The next morning I received a call that grandma passed away peacefully less than 24 hours after she knew I got home. 

I was very sad for a long time. I thought of her every single day that first year. I cried a long time the first anniversary of her death. Then it seemed like I didn’t think of her as much anymore. The pain faded and memories bloomed. I tried to remember the good days. 

My grandma once bought me a bright colored umbrella. She told me that she never wanted me to be sad on a rainy day. So I think of the happy days. The puzzles that we worked on together. Our love of mystery, thriller, suspense books. The time spent researching the family tree. Drinking tea together in our special mugs. The beautiful songs that she would sing to soothe my childhood tears. The jar of cookies she would send me home with. 

Today I am wearing one of the matching shirts she bought for us. We were best friends. She helped me through the hardest days of my life. Then she gently let go of my hand.