Blogging

What is it about anyway?

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I suppose that some of you are wondering what my blog is about anyway…The easy answer is…I don’t know..I write about many different things such as travel, parenting, growing up with an autistic sibling, sailing, working with my husband…You name it, I probably wrote something about it…What can I say? My life is complex. 

My life is changing so much this year. I’ve been experiencing more change now than I have in almost 2 decades. Even for the better, change is difficult for me. I hate the uncertainty. 

With that being said, I am surprised that I haven’t structured my blog yet. Monday is parenting talk, Tuesday is autism day, and Wednesday I post a picture. I take every other Friday and the third Thursday off, etc…It may come down to that someday. Oh the thought! Putting my blog into neat color coded organized compartments…except that sometimes life is messy..

I’ve decided to change things up around here and do a 30 day question thingey. I haven’t run out of things to say…this isn’t a challenge, no one challenged me and I challenge no one. I’m not putting my name on the bottom of an old fashioned chain letter and sending the person on top a dollar. 

There, now I can tell everyone that I am working towards embracing change…

Who knows?? It might be fun!

200 followers!!

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I just want to say thank you. 

Thank you for following my story.

I am not a celebrity. I am not famous. I’ve never been popular.

I don’t use fancy clip art or moving images. Once in awhile I’ll share a few photos I took. 

My site doesn’t have all the bells and whistles. I’m barely computer literate. I don’t have an IQ of 152.

Thank you for taking a chance on me, for clicking the follow button.

I’m glad you are on this journey with me.

Thank you!

 

Pushing buttons

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I have been here over a year and never deleted a post before.

Yesterday was the first time.

I wanted to delete my blog, delete my existence in this sphere with a touch of a button.

How easy would that be?

Sometimes the truth sets you free.

And sometimes it keeps you up at night, gnawing at your insides and eating away at your soul.

Again, I feel trapped. I long to go away and never come back. Leave the stress behind. Start a new chapter in the last half of my book.

Maybe it is starting to finally sink in that my daughter left home.

I just can’t help feeling terribly alone.

Maybe I need a vacation??

 

1 year bloggaversary

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Wow, it’s been exactly a year since I started blogging. And I am still here! And I am still trying to post something every day. What a fun adventure this turned out to be. I have met some awesome people! Unfortunately, I’ve seen some of my favorite bloggers come and go in the short time I have been here. But I am still here! Don’t worry, I have enough funny and/or crazy stories to last another decade!! I have come to realize that it takes more than having an interesting story, or even being a good writer, to have a successful blog. It takes dedication and one part insanity. Characteristics that I apparently do not lack. Lol. It is difficult to keep going sometimes, especially during the times when no one seems to like what you write. Not to mention opening up and being vulnerable to the whole world!! 

You know what time it is?? Time to examine my old bucket list and create a new one. Here we go, top 10 from 6 months ago:

  1. Publish a book. I haven’t done this, however I am having so much fun with blogging that I really don’t want to write a book anymore.
  2. Travel to all continents, except Antarctica. I am not doing terribly good with this one. But I do want to keep it on my list as something to continue to strive towards.
  3. Read the whole Bible all the way through. In January, I crossed this off my bucket list!
  4. Be a singer in a band. Okay, I didn’t get very far with this one either. Sometimes Paul plays his guitar while I sing on the sailboat. Does that count? Yeah, probably not. I still want to keep it on the list.
  5. Drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day. Maybe next year I’ll have the time to kick back and relax! Not everything on my list is a marathon.
  6. Get a tattoo. Funny story, Angel has been giving me crap about wanting to get a tattoo. Now almost half of the girls in her graduating class turned 18 and got a tattoo. Now Angel mentioned wanting to get a tattoo with me on her 18th birthday. I think I talked her out of it for a couple more years. Since she wants to be a classical singer, it might be a pain to cover tattoos on stage. Fun fact, my brother Luke got a tattoo when he was a teen. He has an ugly scary clown tattooed on his arm. He sure regrets that tattoo now. I say wait until you are 25, or longer in my case. I am still trying to figure out what I want.
  7. Do my first triathlon. I am still planning on doing this in July. Since my first bucket list a year ago, I was happy to check off my first marathon and now I’ve done two.
  8. Try surfing. I had big plans on doing this while we were in Florida this past winter, but it didn’t work out. I did swim in the cold ocean water though. I am planning on going to California in a couple of months and maybe I can check it off my list then.
  9. Re-create the music video Rio by Duran Duran on the sailboat. I’m not sure if I will be able to swing it, but I’ll try.
  10. Learn how to use a gun.

New bucket list:

  • Travel all continents
  • Sing in a band
  • Drink the green beer
  • Get a tattoo
  • First triathlon
  • Surfing
  • Make a music video
  • Learn how to use a gun
  • Write music and sing it
  • Preserve old family photos
  • Go salmon fishing

 Thanks for reading and putting up with me!! 🙂

 

Friend or follower

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You are my friend. I know so much about you. You know so much about me. Isn’t that what friendship is about? 

Never mind that you live across the world from me. Or that we have different viewpoints. Or different religions, peronalities, struggles, or birth order, etc… Who wants to be friends with someone exactly like them in every way anyway? 

I don’t have any formal training in writing. But if I write about very difficult and dark things, the next time I will try to make you laugh.  

I feel like I know you even though we wouldn’t recognize each other walking down the street. Maybe for a few minutes we ran next to each other in the same race. One thing is for sure, for a moment in time our lives intersected on the path of the human race.

Maybe we are the same age, but some of you are half my age or twice my age. In this world it doesn’t really matter.

Sometimes I worry that I say too much. Sometimes I worry that I will run out of things to say.

Then I feel bad when I don’t hear from you for awhile. Are you okay? Sometimes my new friends disappear and I miss them. I think about the things that you have told me about your life. I can relate to your struggles. Sometimes I get attached. I find myself thinking about you when I am not in this world.

I understand how you may lose interest after the honeymoon phase of blogging wears off. It is a big time commitment. 

I understand that you may not have achieved your goals after you set the bar too high. Write about your failures. I want to hear about the good and the bad.

Sometimes I am jealous that you have more friends than I do. Maybe you will no longer be interested in my little blog. 

Sometimes I worry that you don’t have many followers or likes. I fear that you will become discouraged. 

If I don’t hear from you, I worry about you. I wonder why you left. 

Oh my gosh, did you die?? Would I even know? Or did you find that blogging was not for you. 

Does that mean that our friendship is over?? I’d hate for things to be one sided. I’ve never been one to totally dominate conversations.

1oo followers!

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image

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my 100 followers! 

A few weeks back my employee gave me a 32 fl oz can of Badger State chocolate stout for a special occasion. He often brings back beer from around the state to appease me. So I said to myself that when I get one hundred followers, I will crack it open and share some with my husband. Somehow I thought that time would stand still for a couple minutes but apparently once again I was wrong. It happened last night before I went to bed and I couldn’t justify opening it right before bed. So seemingly by magic when I woke up I had 101 followers which was good because maybe one would back out and then I would have to let the beer sit longer.

Along with opening a special occasion beer, I am going to upgrade my wordpress account to make it more user friendly. I thought that I would have time to do that this morning, but after I got in to work it became quite obvious that wasn’t going to happen. There was problem after problem after problem. I took the afternoon off to run to appointments with the kids. This morning at work the employee that covers for me called in sick, so I became bottle necked at work. While at work I received a call that the 40 mph winds that we are having ripped my hot tub cover off. 

I did get the appointments and errands run efficiently then drove home through a blizzard. Yes, winter did finally make it to Wisconsin. We still have strong winds and are expecting a foot of snow tonight. Bring it on! Maybe I can finally use those cross country skis! Until then, I am cracking open a beer too celebrate. 

Tomorrow I’ll get this write

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Do you ever have one of those days when you have a lot to say but your words look like indecipherable hieroglyphs? The words clash. I sound like the one person playing a different tune in the orchestra. 

This is crap, I say. I’ll just delete this blog and walk away. I’m going to bed. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get this write. 

The shy lie

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I am a complete and total liar. I will try to give you an honest explanation. I grew up in a house full of introverts with the exception of my youngest brother. Being an introvert, this was very pleasing to me. On the introversion scale of -10 being the most introverted and 10 being the most extroverted, as a youth I was at a -8. I didn’t start speaking in front of people until I was about 30. (There is hope for you). Then I got married and found myself in a house full of extroverts. This can drive the introvert in me a bit crazy at times always going somewhere always having people over. It did bring me out of my shell and I would say that on the introversion scale I am now about a -2 and so is my son. My husband and daughters are all rather extreme extroverts.

That being said, I had the unique experience of spending half of my life surrounded by introverts and the other half surrounded by extroverts. But I am a liar in an introverted way. If someone asks me if a dress makes them look fat and it does, the first thing I try to do is change the subject. If that doesn’t work, then I will indirectly answer the question by saying something related, but not the truth, like the dress is a good color on you. I want to scream out that the dress looks like crap on you but instead I sweetly say that it does not make you look fat. Instead, it looks good. Yes, it looks good. I lie when everything inside me screams to tell the truth. To make matters worse, I hate confrontation.

I think that blogging has given me an avenue to say what I really mean. Something I find difficult to do in everyday life. Since a majority of you don’t know me, what do you care? Everything within me is telling me that the truth should be told. I really don’t want to be silent anymore. I won’t sit silent and let others think I am an idiot, that I don’t have an opinion.

Yes, the dress makes you look fat! Okay, now can we change the subject?

 

6 Months of blogging

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Wow, I’ve been blogging exactly 6 months already.

I thought that I would update my bucket list that I started this blog with 6 months ago. I should re-examine this every 6 months. Sounds like a good rule to follow. (Writing down new rule to follow). I am not waiting for a new year’s resolution to do this. You know I don’t believe in new year’s resolutions anyway. Seriously, I see people year after year say that they are going to lose weight, exercise, quit smoking, eat or drink less and then a month later they go crazy making up for the lost time. Don’t get me started on this. Lol.

Everyday is a new day to make yourself a better person.

OLD BUCKET LIST:
1. PUBLISH A BOOK. This is a long term bucket list item. I think that by starting a blog, I am able to get my thoughts together to start this process. My biggest issues with writing has been using technology, some grammar issues, and I did misspell the word cries in an older blog. Sad. It hasn’t kept me up at night though…

2. RUN A MARATHON. I crossed this one off my bucket list!

3. TRAVEL ALL CONTINENTS, EXCEPT ANTARCTICA. I am not doing too great on this, but am still making long term plans to do a lot of traveling.

4. READ THE WHOLE BIBLE THROUGH. 

5. BE A SINGER IN A BAND. I am not getting very far with this as I don’t have the time right now. I am singing at church. I sing on the sailboat while my husband plays guitar. I plan on doing more community theater musicals. I am even toying with the idea of writing songs. The rest of the time I live vicariously through my singer daughter.

6. DRINK GREEN BEER ON ST. PATRICK’S DAY. Some things are just on my list for fun. I heard that hypothetically every Sunday in WI when the Packers play is like St. Patrick’s Day. Fans wear green and drink beer, but I haven’t seen the green beer yet.

7. GET A TATTOO. I want to do this at 50. I would like the state of WI outline, an anchor with flowers, and/or maybe a running tattoo. I have awhile to think about this. I have heard people ask how I would look with that tattoo when I am old. Seriously, how I am going to look when I am old anyway??

New bucket list:

  1. PUBLISH A BOOK.
  2. TRAVEL ALL CONTINENTS, EXCEPT ANTARCTICA.
  3. READ THE WHOLE BIBLE THROUGH.
  4. BE A SINGER IN A BAND.
  5. DRINK GREEN BEER ON ST PATRICK’S DAY.
  6. GET A TATTOO.
  7. DO MY FIRST TRIATHLON.
  8. TRY SURFING.
  9. RE-CREATE THE MUSIC VIDEO RIO BY DURAN DURAN ON THE SAILBOAT.
  10. LEARN HOW TO USE A GUN.

Thanks for reading!

Life, goals, and dead plants

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I woke up this morning in a strange place, a different bed. I killed another house plant this week, my last living one. I justify that by saying that I spent one third of the month in hotel rooms like the one I am in now. Five different hotels, two states. Some for business, some for pleasure. My mind searches for the perfect excuse. I couldn’t provide proper care for the plant. Hey, at least I managed to feed my kids and pets. 

When my daughter gave me the plant for Mother’s Day, I inwardly cringed. I have to manage to keep this alive!  Once I got a chia pet for Christmas, I felt it was way too much pressure. So I took the plant to my office. I developed a watering routine. I watered it every Monday morning and every Friday afternoon. I put it in the sun like it said on the little tag it came with. It did thrive until the sunny days were gone. I didn’t achieve my seemingly easy goal. 

It made me think of other goals I have had. It seems like finishing a marathon is an easier goal than keeping plants alive for me. Crazy!?!  A few days ago, my husband asked me what my goal is for writing. That had me stumped. A goal? Was I supposed to have one? I started this blog right after I got my house plant. I am still going. It is still active and alive. But where is it going? 

I like to write for fun, to share unexpressed emotions, to help others. I want others to know what it was like growing up with an autistic brother back when no one had autism. I want to share my own struggles and joys of parenting teens. I want to share goals and experiences as a runner. I want to make people laugh. I want to share life and all of its woven intricacies. But where am I going?? As a goal oriented person, do I need goals to write?

My husband said that I am a gifted writer, but he is very biased. He said that maybe I should consider chasing my own dreams. He started his own successful business. We work together. He said that I was riding his dream. He said he would support me if I decided to start a career in writing. He suggested that since I have a love for photography and writing that I should think about writing marina reviews or write a book. His words overwhelmed me. What are my goals? I have no structure, I just write about what I want to write about. Where do I go from here? Is this just another time consuming hobby? All I can tell you for sure right now is that my future does not involve gardening or house plants.