Rum Dumb

Yesterday Paul and I took the day off of work to celebrate Tom and Lisa’s return home on our sailboat. Tom and Lisa moved to Florida for a year and moved back home last week. Unfortunately, Tom had to work and couldn’t attend his welcome home party. Instead, we had in attendance our mutual friends Cori and her husband Randy.

We decided to sail into town for lunch, spirits, and live music. Harv also followed us on his boat. It was our first sail into town for the summer and spirits were high. It was a sunny cool day with strong winds to push us into town. Once Harv and Paul tied up to the dock, they had their customary arrival drink of bourbon on the rocks. The girls and I drank beer. Paul had a little wine. We were enjoying the music, food, and visiting while the people dressed in business attire eyed us enviously. They had to get back to work. Arriving into town on sailboats always makes a splash. Unknown people took our picture. Sometimes we give tours. Once we even invited a couple on board for engagement pictures.

Previously our boat was known by the name of Rhumb Fun before our boat renaming ceremony. In those days, sometimes the boat was nicknamed rum dumb for any idiotic thing (usually alcohol related) that happened aboard. Yesterday, our boat was the rum dumb. Randy had a little too much to drink. Randy had 3/4 bottle of rum too much to drink. He started drinking before 9 AM. Everyone was able to have a drink or two and be fine. Everyone except Randy that is. I have never seen Randy so drunk.

We noticed that Randy was having a bit of a problem an hour before we got back to shore. He started speaking in what he said was a different language. He started saying how Cori doesn’t love him anymore. He started acting infantile making noises like he was blowing raspberries. As we were motoring into harbor, he kept pulling on the jib sheet line screaming, “Make this boat go faster so we can kick Harv’s ass”. Then he stood up and face planted into the side of the boat almost falling overboard.

Talk about three sheets to the wind! Paul and I assisted Randy out of the boat and off the dock. When Paul let go, he almost fell into the water. Every time I tried to let go of him, he started to fall. Finally I was able to stand him up against his car. It was at this time that he decided he had to go to the bathroom right in the middle of the parking lot as people were driving in. “Hey, I don’t even know this guy”! Seriously, the way I grew up nothing embarrasses me anymore. I just hope that we don’t get any complaints or recommendations to change the name of the boat to Rum Dumb.

Like they never saw any drunken sailors before?? Well, that was a first and hopefully a last!!

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