The travel diaries, Denver

February 12, 2016February 12, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

**Please be advised that this post contains adult content**

Ah, Denver…I really had a love hate relationship with this city. Paul and I attended a conference in downtown Denver a little over a year ago. We arrived in town on a Friday evening a few days before our conference began. After checking into our hotel, the first thing that we wanted to do was get something to eat. I was really looking forward to trying new craft beers and reacquainting myself with some of my favorite Colorado beers. The two beers pictured above are some of my favorites from breweries in CO. We were in CO in October, so I was really excited about having the Pumpkick beer since it is a seasonal beer that is hit or miss to find at home. But no such luck. I was very disappointed in their beer selection and the food in the city was nothing to write home about either. But I guess nowadays they specialize in other things…

Our first experience in the city happened while we were sitting in the restaurant. A man came over to the window and peered at me from outside. He smiled and waved excitedly at me. He was a nice looking man with shoulder length brown hair. I smiled and gave him a small hesitant wave back. Then he held up a sign that read smile if you masterbate. Gross! I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Once he saw my expression from reading the sign, he laughed disturbingly reminding me of Jack Nicholson in The Shining or One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Not the greatest first impression for a first time visitor.

After supper, we walked a couple of blocks down to a historical Methodist church where we bought tickets for a pipe organ concert. The people selling tickets seemed surprised that their online marketing worked when I explained I found out about the concert online and that we just got off the plane and walked over. Paul and I were the youngest ones there. The concert itself was magnificent. I jumped out of my seat a little when The Phantom of the Opera was playing. My favorite instrument is the pipe organ which makes going to concerts anywhere a little challenging.

The following day there was a Zombie Crawl downtown. This is another event that I knew about but wanted to view as an outsider. It was really awesome going downtown in the morning seeing everyone dressed up for the occasion. They even had a 5k. It was rather sad that I saw runners having to stop for traffic lights. Personally, I would be upset if I had to lose so much on my running time. At home, they shut down streets but leave the traffic lights running. I would’ve probably ran out in front of traffic in CO. It was probably a good idea that I did not run this race. The race participants didn’t seem to mind though. They seemed to be having fun. We stopped in a couple of shops and took a stroll down to the park.

I feel like I should have been wearing the outfit above while at the park. The park was very reminiscent of what I would imagine the 1960’s was like. Young college students were sitting around in a circle on the grass. Lol.

I had to have a picture with the above sign as well. As I have said before, I don’t exercise while on vacation. That is a total lie. We walked all over the place. I was stupid enough to just bring dress shoes and sandals. Sunday we walked down to the Museum of Miniature Toys. It was a lovely little place. What really interested me was the old doll houses. They had some of the old toys that Paul and I played with as kids. What a fascinating trip down memory lane. Walking several miles there and back in sandals was a bad idea though. Note to self, bring athletic shoes next time. On a side note, I did wear in my new running shoes in Orlando. That was not a good idea either.

Unfortunately, Paul and I both got arrested at the zombie fest. Uh oh.

The zombie fest was downright exciting. People roamed around the streets in torn clothes dripping in fake blood. There was a guy full of blood laying down in the street. I am still not sure if that was real or not come to think of it. It was one big street party. They had all kinds of things to see in the streets such as caricature drawing. People crawled around the streets dressed like zombies. I felt like I was part of the Walking Dead cast. My favorite part was the large truck that had huge speakers playing dub step music. Paul and I had a great time dancing until somebody started squirting fake blood into the crowd.

Then our friends started arriving for the conference. A large group of conference goers wanted to check out the pot dispensary. We went to a place by the mall. It was very strange. To get in they scanned your driver’s license like you would a credit card. It was almost like a museum in there with tons of info about everything you would want to know and then some about different varieties and strains. What I thought was interesting was a young man in his 20’s obviously with his baby boomer parents excitedly taking pictures together. Kind of like a parent child bonding session. What a strange world we live in!

Joe also talked a group of people into going to one of the scariest haunted houses in the country. I am not into haunted houses that much, but I thought what the heck. We ended up being the last tour group to go through. It took about a half an hour to go through the whole place. It was very scary touching on all of the key elements that people typically fear. Tight spaces, yes. Rickety old elevators, yes. Spiders, yes, yes, yes. One of the scariest things happened when we got out. The haunted house closed for the night and we didn’t have a ride back to our hotel. Now that was scary! The haunted house was in a dark warehouse type district. Not a place I would want to walk through at night. We ended up flagging down someone with an extended van to take us back.

Then the conference started. After the first full day, one of the vendors threw a huge party with a DJ and open bar. I mean completely open bar including top shelf. The party lasted 6 hours. By the end of the evening, people were dancing on the tables, spilling drinks, and breaking glass. After the party was over, we weren’t quite ready to call it a night. Joe suggested going to Coyote Ugly to make a bra donation. The clasp on the back of my bra broke earlier that morning, so it seemed like a good idea. I was going to throw it out anyway. When I got up on the bar at Coyote Ugly, I was a bit nervous. I was five feet off the ground on a small bar. I thought I might fall. She had me do a couple of squats then toss up my bra. It is probably hanging up there like a bat in a cave to this day. After I got down from the bar, Paul introduced me to our biggest competitor in our state. Hhhhmmm…

After that night, I earned the reputation as an attention seeking adventurous life of the party type which is funny because that is not the way I am at home.

I will always think of Denver as a drug city which has little to do with the legalization of MJ. I saw pills passed out on the street. I saw a man strung out on meth or something. He was muttering to himself and seemed to be very frightened by something only he could see. His body was contorted and twitching. It was the worst I have ever seen. Addiction is awful. I worried for his safety. Oh, his poor mother. There were a lot of young unkept able bodied men carrying signs of will work for pot, etc. I found it to be very disheartening.

We had a great time in Denver, but by the end of it all we were ready to go home.

The travel diaries, hidden places

February 11, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

I want you to close your eyes for just a moment and think about the busiest place that you have ever been. I am thinking about New York City. Horns honking, tires squealing, brakes squeaking, street vendors selling loudly, all a jumbled mass of sounds echoing off of buildings. Now I want you to think of the most remote location that you have ever been to then multiply it by 100.

A few years ago, Paul and I wanted to get away for the weekend to escape from the noise of life. I reserved a remote camping site at the Northern Highlands State Forest in Wisconsin.The site I reserved was called Sunset Point. It was one of five camp sites. Three were located on the main lake, one was on the second lake, and the site I reserved was on the farthest end of the third lake.

Paul reserved remote camping sites before. He would get together with a group of guys and take his fishing boat filled with camping gear to the remote site. They would spend the weekend fishing and cooking up their catch. This time I wanted in on the adventure but with just the two of us.

There were a few very important things that I overlooked when I reserved this site. We had the truck loaded up with camping gear when Paul decided to take one last look at the site details before we left. He noticed that our camp site was not a boat in remote site like we thought. It was actually a canoe in remote site. We would have to carry our canoe and gear a couple of football fields between lakes to get there. Oh, and a storm was coming.

Thankfully we were able to drop off the kids at my in-laws and pick up a canoe that they had up in the rafters of their shed. That afternoon we were finally able to check into our camp site. The park ranger said that due to the bad weather expected almost all of the campers canceled their sites. We decided to keep our site on the furthest lake. He told us that in the event of a severe storm, we were on our own. He gave us a map and wished us luck.

We drove about 15 minutes down a one lane dusty dirt road. It was full of potholes. We were bouncing around so much that I thought our canoe would fall off. Vines and brush pressed against the truck on both sides. It was a great place to hide a body and we didn’t even get to our site yet. Once we got to the parking spot, we realized that we majorly over packed. We packed for a boat ride across the lake, not a canoe ride across three lakes. We took three trips back and forth across each lake to be able to fit our most essential gear. Then we carried the canoe across a couple of football fields down a little dirt path to get to the second and third lakes. We had to make multiple trips to get the rest of our gear. It took us several hours to finally get to our site. We arrived just before it got dark hurrying our exhausted muscles along more and more as dusk approached. We still had to set up camp, eat, and try to hunker down before the storm came.

We truly were out in the middle of nowhere on a small lake in a heavily wooded area. There weren’t any electrical hook ups here. A short distance from the camp was a pit toilet in the middle of the woods without a structure around it. We were completely in the dark once night hit. We settled into our tent early that night trying to sleep before the storm arrived. Paul tied our tent up to the trees surrounding it to give it more support. We heard a coyote howl in the night. Taking a hike to go to the bathroom would be a little scary. Not to mention feeling vulnerable out in the wide open.

We awoke that night to distant thunder then the roaring of a great wind. Rain knocked gently at first with a little tap, tap, tap. Then tree branched clapped and tapped along our tent. Everything seemed so loud. I grabbed the flashlight to shine on my face (like the actress from the Blair Witch Project) and jokingly said, “I’m so scared.” But I really was afraid. I was afraid that a big tree would come crashing down on us. I was afraid that I would have to swim across three lakes and run across a couple of football fields with broken legs. Oh heck, might as well just throw in a bear.

Despite my fears, we woke up that morning in paradise. Most of our wood got wet, other than that everything was perfect. We fished on that little lake. We had a great time in the miniature Garden of Eden (without snakes). I even checked skinny dipping off my bucket list. We didn’t see a single person all weekend. Well, except for when that small plane flew over while I was skinny dipping.

The next morning it was time to go home. Once again, we were in a bit of a hurry because another storm was going to hit that afternoon. We decided that we did have enough time to make a good breakfast. While Paul made bacon, we heard howling that came closer and closer to us. I sat in the canoe while he cooked just in case something came out at us. To this day I couldn’t tell you if it was coyotes, wolves, or hunting dogs. All I know was that it was pretty unnerving. It sure did motivate us to get out of there as fast as we could.

We finally were able to load up our bags and head out, but not before we put the weight of the world back on our shoulders. Things didn’t go that well with my mother-in-law and the kids. She couldn’t handle all three kids at once. She was swearing about them while we loaded them up into the truck and left. After that, I didn’t speak to my mother-in-law for about a year. Getting away did wonders for our marriage. Too bad it didn’t have the same effect on my mother-in-law.

We always expected to go back to our hiding spot. In fact, I even made reservations to go back the following summer. We loved the taste of serenity that solitude provided along with a little spice of being survivalists. We wanted to right our wrongs, like not over packing. When the weekend came around to go back, we didn’t have a sitter for the kids and it was going to be stormy the entire weekend. So we never did go back, but sometimes I want to.

The travel diaries, camping on Crystal Lake

February 10, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / 2 Comments

Crystal Lake is located in the beautiful northwoods of WI. It is part of the Northern Highlands State Park system. We had the opportunity to camp on this lake twice and several times at surrounding lakes at the same state park. The best thing about this vacation is that you only need a tent and some camping gear to do it. So it is very affordable (unless you need to fly across the country or internationally to get there). LOL. The worst thing about it is that you practically have to sacrifice your first born to get a site there. It is THAT popular. I remember sitting at the computer on dial up at midnight exactly 11 months before I wanted to reserve a site here. Before my modem could connect they were all gone. Now I think that it has to be 11 months in advance at 9AM instead of midnight, but it has been awhile since I reserved a site.

So it was a fluke thing both times that we got a site on the lake. The neighboring lakes are all very nice, but Crystal Lake is the best. One time we went to check in to a neighboring lake’s site when we were told that a site opened on Crystal Lake. Within 2 seconds we took it. We took my mom and kids to the site and pretended that it wasn’t ours. Surprise!

What isn’t to love about Crystal Lake? The lake is large with a sandy beach around it. It takes about an hour to walk around the beach at a leisurely pace. It is great for swimming. After wading in about 10 feet of shallow water, there is a drop off with water that is cool, crisp, and crystal clear over your head. The water is so clean that you can see down to the bottom at the middle of the lake. Once we decided to swim across the lake. The kids and I would play underwater tag. It was like a tropical location within my home state if you replaced the palm trees with pine trees. Plus surrounding the beach, there are miles of hiking and bike trails.

We only had the very basic camping gear. We had a couple of tents. Paul would make all of our meals over the open fire. He was always up for the challenge, even during unexpected rainy weather. His food was always great, especially after being active all day. He was really the person that made this all happen for us.

On the picture below, we experienced the most fabulous sunset ever. It was after a time of struggle. That particular afternoon we experienced a couple of hours of intense (in tents) rain. Paul dug a trench so the water would flow away from our tents. We hunkered down reading books and playing games while fellow campers loaded up their gear and left. That night we were rewarded for our perseverance by seeing one of the best sunsets that I have ever seen over the water.

But isn’t that oftentimes how life is? After making it through life’s storms, we can appreciate the beauty of life more.

Bon voyage on life’s next journey

February 8, 2016February 8, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

Writing has finally paid off for me. Literally. A week or so back I wrote a post about my bad travel experience with Delta airlines. I decided to go ahead and write them a very detailed complaint letter. What would it hurt? Maybe I would feel better if nothing else. I never had any problems with the airline before. I have never written a complaint letter before either. Today I received an apology letter from Delta along with a $200 gift card. I believe that this rectifies the situation. I wanted to share this response with you because a kind apology goes a long way with me if I feel wronged. It is fair. Ah, redemption and not just redeaming a gift card.

Today I received this gift on the 7th anniversary of my grandma’s death. I know what you are thinking…what does this have to do with flying?? In a weird twisted way, a lot. I planned our first family vacation to Disney a little over 7 years ago. I had planned the whole vacation, made reservations for meals, and purchased airline tickets to be called in a few days before our vacation to see my grandma on her death bed. I didn’t know what to do. I never traveled with the children before. I didn’t buy the extra insurance that allowed me to cancel the trip. And one of the closest people to me in the whole world was leaving it.

The family was called in to say good bye a few days before we were scheduled to leave. My grandma was delirious on Morphine. She spent a lot of time sleeping when we were there. She muttered and cried out, but was not aware of our presence. The following day I went to visit my grandma by myself for a little while. She refused the Morphine so she could be awake to talk to me. She told me that she wanted me to go on vacation. She told me that she was ready to see grandpa and her parents again. She said that I needed to let her go to be with those that passed before her. She said that I would be ok and that someday that the pain of her memory would fade. She lived a long full happy life and was ready for her final journey.

So we went on our vacation. While we were gone, I called home frequently to be told that grandma was doing good. We got home from our trip Saturday night. When I called my mom, she told me that grandma was doing really well so well that she might be able to come back home. I didn’t need to rush out and visit her right away that night. The next morning I received a call that grandma passed away peacefully less than 24 hours after she knew I got home.

I was very sad for a long time. I thought of her every single day that first year. I cried a long time the first anniversary of her death. Then it seemed like I didn’t think of her as much anymore. The pain faded and memories bloomed. I tried to remember the good days.

My grandma once bought me a bright colored umbrella. She told me that she never wanted me to be sad on a rainy day. So I think of the happy days. The puzzles that we worked on together. Our love of mystery, thriller, suspense books. The time spent researching the family tree. Drinking tea together in our special mugs. The beautiful songs that she would sing to soothe my childhood tears. The jar of cookies she would send me home with.

Today I am wearing one of the matching shirts she bought for us. We were best friends. She helped me through the hardest days of my life. Then she gently let go of my hand.

The travel diaries, New York City

February 5, 2016February 5, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

A few years back when Angelique just finished her freshman year in high school, my mom and I accompanied her along with the high school band and choir on a bus trip to NYC. As many of you know from earlier posts, I can be quite neurotic when it comes to modes of transportation. This travel adventure was no exception. I remember getting on the bus that first day and being introduced to our first driver Gus. Now Gus was a very old man. He had a little drool coming out the side of his mouth. The second driver Al introduced Gus by congratulating him on getting his 75 year pin. Wait, what? Holy crap, 75 years or driving. Did I hear that right? Maybe he was 75 years old. Yes, that’s better. They were going to take turns driving us from WI into NYC. Every 6 hours they would switch off after stopping to have a cigarette break and pick up some fast food. One would sleep in the back of the bus while the other drove. You can imagine how quiet it was in the back of a bus full of excited teenagers. Despite everything I said, they were both very experienced drivers and after a sleepless night of trying to sleep upright in our seats, we were in NYC.

We toured all day that first day. The first thing that we did was take a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. It was a beautiful sight. Then we spent a couple of hours at Times Square. The picture of me below was from Times Square. I don’t think I look too bad for not sleeping or showering. My mom and I were in charge of chaperoning 2 teenage boys. Of course our boys headed right to the naked cowgirl for pictures. She was a lady older than me wearing little star tassels on top with a bikini bottom. Hhmm.

That first night we got to our hotel after 10, then we were up early to tour all day. We saw the 9/11 Memorial, which I spoke about in an earlier post. We saw Grand Central Station. Yes, I thought it was very similar to my life. We toured the United Nations which ended up being more facinating than I thought it would be. It was rather amusing seeing some of the kids go through security. Talk about culture shock! No wonder why we took a bus instead of a plane.

We toured NBC studios which was very interesting to see behind the scenes of TV shows. We toured Radio City and spoke to a Rockette. What I remember most, which is terrible, was that we got to the tour really early because I had to use the bathroom. But I couldn’t use the bathroom until half way through the tour. This urgency of mine got us into a bit of trouble as we separated from our group. All I could think about was how bad I had to pee.

We also got to see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. The choir director got us in to see a minor character before the show to talk about careers in music and theater. It poured really hard that day. While we were in NYC, the choir and band students performed. The kids ran with their instruments in their formal band/choir clothes in a downpour. I couldn’t help but laugh at the craziness of it all. That afternoon my daughter performed the solo Popular right outside of Trump Tower in the atrium. I don’t think that I was ever more proud to hear her sing. People smiled and clapped for her as birds were flying around inside of the building, which I thought was strange.

We also visited Central Park. It was so interesting to see trees in the midst of skyscrapers. There was a man in the park playing Beatles songs on his guitar for money. I saw a man lying in the grass that I feared may be dead. Nursery school children walked by in a group holding hands. We went to the Empire State Building, shopped in China Town, and took an evening cruise to see the lights of the city and the Statue of Liberty at night. It was hard to believe that we were able to do so many things in less than a week

The city is such a beautiful place. I have always wanted to visit during Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Maybe someday I will go back.

The travel diaries, Disney

February 4, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

We took our first family vacation to Disney World in Orlando. We liked it so much that we came back a couple of years later with my parents. We stayed at Disney both times. The first time we stayed at the moderately priced Port Orleans resort. What I liked about it was that it had a restaurant there that we could eat at in the morning. All 5 of us shared one room. My son slept on a trundle bed. He wouldn’t fit on that right now like he did back then. The second time we stayed at the tree house villas. We had a little bit more room and even had a kitchenette that we didn’t really use since we had the dining plan. I would suggest getting the dining plan if you decide to stay there. The biggest drawback to staying at Disney was that Disney was the only thing that we saw. Last month, we did not go to Disney because we really didn’t have enough time. We checked out Universal and Sea World. Frankly, I liked Disney the best.

The picture above was taken at Animal Kingdom. You really feel like you are on safari with the rides and exhibits. I really enjoyed this park a lot. However, if you have a very limited time at Disney I would probably skip this park as it is very similar to a zoo that you could see anywhere.

The above picture is my all time favorite AK photo of my wild animals. The face painting made my kids very happy.

The picture below was taken at Epcot. I really enjoyed going on the ride Soaring. They use different images and even scents to make you feel like you are flying over various locations. The hydroponic vegetable technology ride is a must see. Then we spent most of the day exploring the different cultures presented at Epcot. Disney brings ambassadors in from the countries of Japan, Germany, China, England, France, Canada, Norway, Mexico, Italy, and Morocco. I was tempted to buy a belly dancing costume from Morocco. We ate french pastries and sipped German beer. The Italian ladies ran off with Paul. We ate at a wonderful restaurant with an underwater aquarium. It was nice to see fish swim by as you are eating. They even had a diver in the tank that waved at people. The evening ended at Epcot with a spectacular fireworks display. Epcot is my favorite park and is a favorite among adults.

The second time we were at Disney during the Super Bowl. That was the year that the Packers were playing and won. My family had to parade around Downtown Disney sporting their Packer jerseys. After the Super Bowl, Disney has a parade in Magic Kingdom with someone from the winning team there. That year it happened to be Aaron Rodgers.

While everyone was back at the resort watching the Super Bowl, Angel and I got away for a couple of hours to see Magic Kingdom. They offered extended hours that evening for resort guests. We were able to get on our favorite rides without a line. Space Mountain is the most intense roller coaster that I will ride. We really liked a moderate roller coaster at that park which mimics riding through a mine shaft. The comedy show at Monsters, Inc. is always worth the wait. I would skip Lilo and Stitch though if you don’t like the smell of pepper burps. We saw a Disney throughout history show too which was really neat to see how homes looked throughout the decades.

Magic Kingdom is the best park to take the kids. I loved it there. It is neat to see all of the characters and of course the castle. The fireworks in the evening at the castle are worth seeing too.

The last park at Disney is Hollywood Studios. It is a park that you could go through in a half a day and see pretty much everything. What I really enjoyed there was the Sci-Fi Diner. It is mainly a burger, fries, and milk shake joint. Waitresses come to the table in roller skates. You are seated at tables inside of an antique car just like you were sitting at an outdoor theater. The best part is that they are playing old black and white sci-fi movies. Out of all of the parks, HS is my least favorite. That being said, it is still pretty good.

We really enjoyed our time at Disney. It is great to be picked up at the airport. You don’t have to worry about driving the whole time that you are there. The wait times for the buses are never very long. It can be a little pricey, but is worth doing at least once. We had a wonderful time there. I hope to go back again some time, maybe even run their marathon. It truly is a magical place!

The travel diaries, Orlando

February 3, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

Last month we took our last family vacation before our oldest child graduates. I already told you about the craziness getting there and coming home, so I’ll get right to our trip. We rented a vacation house through Orlando Vacation Homes 360 that was big enough to fit my mom, my brother Luke and his family, and the five of us. The house was comfortable and roomy. We also had a movie theater room and outdoor pool. Unfortunately it was too cold to use the pool, but the house was wonderful and if we had questions they responded right away.

We spent our first two days exploring Universal and the Island of Adventure. Paul was approached by Olive Oil who asked if he was a sailor. He responded, “As a matter of fact, I am.” If it wasn’t for Popeye, we might have had to leave him behind. Lol

We went to the Harry Potter village and sampled the sweet frothy butter beer. My favorite ride was there, it was a 3D roller coaster ride. I also liked the Spiderman ride which was similar. Angel and I got tricked into riding The Mummy which was too much of a roller coaster for us. Paul had to buy the picture because Angel and I were so terrified that we would never do that again. It was very funny for everyone to remember how frightened we were, forever. Angel and I didn’t go on the huge rocket roller coaster. I told her that would rather eat worms, so she brought me back a bag of salted worm larvae. I didn’t really mean it, Angel!

We spent the weekend at Universal with my best friend that moved to Florida. Afterwards, we went to see their house. It was great to have a cook out and bonfire with them in January. It was windy and cool while we were at Universal with highs in the low to mid 50’s which helped keep the crowds to a minimum.

We spent Monday at Sea World with my extended family. It was sunny and 70. We had a great time there because it was virtually empty. We didn’t have to wait in line for rides, exhibits, or shows. As you can see from the above picture, Paul and I were able to swim with the fish. We ate lunch at a restaurant with a large aquarium. The food was great although rather pricey. Yes, we could even order fish while watching them swim nearby. I ordered the lobster bisque and salmon with caper sauce. Mmmm, it didn’t disappoint. The shows were the best I have ever seen at any zoo or aquarium.

Our last full day in Florida, we decided to take the kids to Cocoa Beach. It was a cloudy day with highs in the low 70’s. My son really wanted to try surfing while we were there. We ended up renting a wet suit for him. It cost a total of $20 to rent the surf board and wet suit for the afternoon from Ron Jon. I had the misguided assumption that I could use the surf board for a short period of time to check surfing off my bucket list. Once I hit the water with my toes I knew that was not going to happen. The water temp was 65 degrees. Kind of like Lake Michigan in the summer. Paul and the kids went swimming anyway. I almost chickened out, but everyone was teasing me because I said that I would go in. So I did go in up to my chest. It wasn’t that bad once you got used to it. As for staying out a long time in deep water, forget about it.

One great thing about a dreary day at the beach is that we had it to ourselves. What a great time to take pictures too!

We were able to save a lot of money on this trip just by eating at our vacation house in the evening. We were thinking of taking sandwiches to eat in the car at the parks, but that is not practical. You could probably do that at Sea World, but not at Universal because it is a long hike back to your car. Almost every evening, my mom would bring out the jelly beans that she bought. Pretty much cured me of my addiction. Along with the normal jelly beans, there were some other flavors including soap, dirt, and vomit. Guess who got the vomit jelly bean? Yup, I did. I honestly don’t know how they can make it taste so real. Gross!

All in all, we had a great family vacation. We didn’t have the warm temps we were hoping for, but it did work to our advantage at the parks and beach. We spent a lot of time talking and laughing. We didn’t come back with a wonderful tan so the people at home were not hating us too much. I would recommend renting a vacation house. It is very affordable when you split the cost. Plus you don’t have to cram a family of five in a tiny hotel room. I thought that Universal was a great park to take teenagers to. Sea World had a lot for all ages to enjoy. One other tip if you are driving in Florida, take money for the tolls.

Happy traveling!

A storm is brewing

February 2, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

I feel the edginess right before the storm hits. The peacefulness and calm from my vacation is leaving slowly like a summertime tan. I feel the wind surround the emptiness inside of me, trying to find a void to fill with cold icy snow. The warmth and sunshine are gone now. Sorrow, darkness, and anger encapsulates me. I cry out to God, but He doesn’t seem to hear my prayers. I feel the tug of emotions trying to drown me in a river of despair. I am alone. I want to be alone. I don’t want to talk. I really don’t want to do anything.

It has been a hard start of the year. I miss my neighbor and friend that passed away a couple of weeks ago. Every time I look at her house, I think that she is still there. She will pull her car out of the driveway and wave at me. We were supposed to do something together next week. But guess what? I can’t go. I looked over the old messages that she sent me. My heart tells me that she is still alive. She just can’t come outside. My brain tells me to stop being such a fool. Stop pretending that things are fine.

Last summer my best friend moved to Florida. I had the opportunity to spend time with her while we were there on vacation. I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to her and seeing her. I miss her. I don’t feel like talking to anyone else. In 4 months, my oldest daughter will be leaving the house. I am excited for her to start the adult chapter in her life, but I am at such a loss. I started crying while she performed her solo and ensemble song for me. It bothered me that she sold her junior prom dress. It just seems so final.

Then yesterday we found out that my mother-in-law has stage 4 terminal lung cancer. They are giving her around 15 months to live. Wait a minute, I am not ready to deal with the loss of our parents yet. I have been having a hard time with this since I saw her last week. I have been feeling sad and angry. With all of the people that were praying for her and my friend that passed away, why didn’t God heal them? I don’t have any control. Why should I expect miracles? I feel helpless. Who can avoid death? It has given Paul time to say goodbye to his only parent. That has been good for him to spend time with her.

This morning my son got suspended from school. He got in a fight with someone in the hallway. It has been no secret that my son has been struggling with school for the last couple of months. He has been begging us to switch schools for a couple months now. Apparently a boy called him a faggot on facebook back in December and has been bullying him with some other kids. My son got in his face today. I suppose that it shouldn’t surprise me that the day after my son finds out that his grandma is dying that he confronts this other boy. Words were exchanged between my son and this boy. They were pushing and shoving each other in the hallway. Then I received a call from the school that my son was suspended for 3 days. He was trying to provoke the other kid that was picking on him. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe we can finally resolve this issue head on.

We are expecting a snow storm today. We should be getting somewhere around 8 inches of snow with blowing winds. It just started to snow.

Autism’s sibling, journal 1

January 31, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

I love you Alissa. I am thankful the Lord has given you to me. You are a beautiful child.

With Love, Your Mom XO

1/1/85

Had to clean my room before I ate. I ate at 8:07 PM.

6/19

I hate everything and everybody. Matt takes a knife and tries to poke mom’s eyes out. Mom blames me.

7/15/86

I hate mom. She only cares about the stupid Matt.

8/4

Matt tries to hurt our aunt. He is reacting to something he is allergic to. Luke pushed me into my aunt and uncle’s swimming pool with my clothes on. I had to ride home wrapped in a blanket.

8/19

Today Matt bit me. My arm will turn black and blue tomorrow. Mark stuffed a pepper up his nose. He cried and cried.

9/12

Mark got beat up by someone the day of his birthday party.

Travel woes, the mess we returned to

January 30, 2016January 30, 2016 / Outrunning my demons / Leave a comment

The first 24 hours upon our return from Orlando was such an emotional roller coaster ride that it rivaled some of the roller coasters that we were on during our vacation. While we were gone, we had icy roads. School was delayed. On the way to work, our employee hit a patch of black ice propelling her into the ditch. It wasn’t her first accident, she was so upset that she could barely work. On our way home, we saw a car in the ditch. Disoriented people were wandering around outside of their car in the middle of the highway. We faced the prospect of having to shovel 5 inches of heavy icy snow when we got home that evening.

While we were gone, we hired my daughter’s 17 year old friend to pet sit. She has been our pet sitter for the past two years without any issues. That being said, we were not prepared for the mess that was waiting for us. When we got home, our pet sitter was stuck in our unshoveled driveway. Our garbage bin was lying in the ditch tipped over spewing out garbage that was put out too late to be picked up. We parked our car on the road, running into the house quickly getting hit with blowing snow while jumping over snow banks. When we got inside, there were piles of dog crap everywhere along with rings of piss and puke in multiple locations all over our living room carpet. The floors were filthy, there was dog shit caked on our toilet seat.

Our pet sitter started crying saying that she got a second job and asked her mom to help her with the pets. Her mother is absolutely crazy. She is the woman that the neighbor’s called the cops on because she would speed around the school bus while its stop sign was out. She also overfed her own dog from her hand. She somehow thinks that people don’t feed their dogs enough. It seemed as if she overfed our dog without letting him out. There were 4 piles of puke which contained a total of about 2 cups of food, our dogs total daily food allowance. Our dog seemed sick when we got home and threw up again during the night. I started cleaning up the mess while our pet sitter cried hysterically. Paul was able to get her out of the driveway and start on the shoveling. After our pet sitter went home, she got into a huge fight with her mother where things were broken and thrown.

While I was cleaning up, I noticed a couple of wet stinky towels bunched up underneath the rest of the towels. It looked like someone was cleaning up a mess but trying to hide it. Then the kids and I noticed that some of our things in our bedrooms were out of place. Someone went through all of our personal belongings. I have never felt so violated and sickened in my life. I cried thinking of how my pets were not cared for properly. The house was absolutely trashed. Paul and I were finally were able to get to bed around midnight. When I woke up the next morning, I discovered more poorly cleaned up piss rings on the carpet. We ending up spending as much money renting a carpet cleaner that we did paying our house sitter. I am kicking myself for not taking pictures of the mess we returned to.

The next day I headed back to work. I was so busy catching up from the time that I spent away that I didn’t have time to do any more cleaning. To make matters worse, my in-laws were coming over that night for supper. My mother-in-law was going to be in the area because she needed a PET scan. Back in November, the doctors found a tumor in her stomach and lungs. They did a biopsy on the tumor in her stomach because that was less invasive. They found that the tumor in her stomach was highly treatable, so we decided to go ahead with our vacation plans. In December, the doctors decided to do a biopsy on my mother-in-law’s lungs. She had a collapsed lung and pneumonia which they treated with heavy duty antibiotics. But what was troubling was the finding that the cancer in her lungs was a different kind of cancer that was in her stomach. They are afraid it may be in other organs. She had breast cancer 15 years ago, now 2 different cancers in 2 different organs. Monday we will get the test results.

When I got home from work on Thursday night, my mother-in-law was sitting in the recliner wrapped in a blanket. She did not feel good enough to go out to eat so we ordered food instead. She was so frail, weak, and sickly looking. It was hard to see her like that. When she left she spoke in a hoarse strained voice. She told us all that she loved us. She told Angel that she would like to see the college that she picked out someday. This is the point that Angel ran into the other room crying. My mother-in-law said good bye to me. She thanked me for being a great wife to her son. It seemed so final. I went in the other room to cry and comfort Angel.

The beginning and end of our vacation was very rough. I am glad that we were able to get away for a couple of days of fun. I am afraid that the next couple months will be very difficult. I guess we will find out for sure on Monday.