I feel down today. Just low. I feel like I am climbing a mountain and can never reach the top. Running uphill and only getting a few feet from the ground. Why do I try so hard? Why must I run this marathon? Literally. I am exhausted. Tears escape my eyes with little or no provocation. Sleep is restless. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to run. I don’t feel like eating. My muscles all ache. I haven’t felt this way for awhile, but it is no stranger to me.
It started on Father’s Day with a slow descent. I thought maybe it was because I was mourning the relationship with my father that I never had and will most likely never be. Wishing for a moment that someone else was my father. Feeling envious of his daughters. Why was I never good enough? What is wrong with me?
I did conquer a fear on Sunday. A fear of driving over high bridges. But I only did it because I was trying to avoid another fear, the fear of being late. Does that count? I don’t know anymore. I am trying to keep my head above water and to keep climbing that mountain. I am sure this moment of moodiness will soon pass.
Outrunning my demons 
Moodiness passes…..I have a fear of being late. My Dad’s lack of concern with being on time affected me. If anything, I’m usually minimum 10 minutes early for everything! 🙂 Dave.
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Maybe it is a firstborn trait?? My oldest and I fear being late and are always early. My son is always late and it stresses me out! I won’t deny my tendency towards moodiness. Never a dull moment around here. Lol.
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Could be a firstborn thing. My Dad was second son and I don’t remember any of my brothers or sisters being on time…lol..
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That is because we had to make sure they were on time. Lol.
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You’re so right! lol
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By the way, I’m not stalking you!! I’m finding your stories fascinating and you are so easy and fun to read!! 🙂
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I’m not worried, Dave! I’m happy that you find my writing interesting. It makes writing more meaningful when people care about what I have to say. Thanks for reading!
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