It’s been a rough week for me. I have been struggling with insomnia. My mind has been tormented with fits of anger, deep lows, and crippling anxiety. I found myself making mistakes at work although known for my accuracy. I feel sick to my stomach with nervousness.
Tomorrow is the Half Ironman.
I have been having nightmares more nights than not when I do sleep. I dreamt that my legs weren’t working to peddle my bike. I dreamt that I was running straight up and when I got to the top I couldn’t get over the edge. I asked for help but no one would help me. I even had my first nightmare about blogging. I dreamt that there was someone who knew me so well that he left little notes to stalk me. What am I doing? I am a private person.
Everything in me tells me to stop…stop racing..stop writing..But a few days without it and I am a basket case.
I am terrified about tomorrow although everyone has been very encouraging about my endurance and ability to finish. I feel exhausted and run down.
I have to get my mind in the game but it just doesn’t seem to be working right. I hope it is worth all of this. I think it will be after I get through my first Half Iron. I will keep you posted….