Running

Marathon training, week 6

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I am breaking one of my rules here. I am blogging after having a beer. Sometimes after I have a beer or two I tend to share all of my secrets. But I guess I really don’t have to worry about that because you know more than most of my best friends already. Giggle. To tell you the truth, I am celebrating! I ran my first 24 mile run today. Woo hoo! I am not going to lie to you and say it was easy. It was a really hot day, so I ended up breaking down and walking at mile 8. I felt like I was going to puke or pass out. A couple of weeks back after I ran the 10k, I saw a man pass out while running the race. He didn’t even catch himself. He landed right on his face .07 miles from the finish line. They wouldn’t even drag the poor guy across the finish line. I had images of the man passing out in my mind at mile 8. Plus at mile 6, it was so hot that I took my honk if you’re going to hit me shirt off. Here I am passed out on the side of the road and I won’t even getting a honk before they hit me. Geez. 

I almost talked myself out of running 24 miles. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I spent about four and a half hours staining my deck yesterday. I woke up with sore legs (what?) and a sore back. What am I thinking? It is hot out. Am I crazy? I admit I am a little crazy, but crazy is better than boring in my book (blog). It took me about five hours. I walked about three miles of it, but finished strong. I think it helped to take a twenty minute break in the A/C after the first twelve miles. I have a three mile speed training and short six mile run planned for the rest of the week. When did six miles become short?!? I am not sure that I will want to do another marathon. I hate speed training, but probably like the half marathon distance the best. I am just happy that I was able to run 24 miles today even though my brain did not want to cooperate.  

Marathon training, week 5

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I am tired already. I come up with a lot of my blog ideas while running and apparently develop my ideas best between 3:30 AM and 6:00 AM. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 AM, laid in bed until 4:00 AM, got up, wrote my blog, tried to go back to sleep without success, and decided at 5:30 AM to go for my 18 mile run before the storms moved in. It was humid in the morning, the last few miles I think I was getting a little dehydrated. Every muscle in my body hurt, even my feet cramped up and a toenail was bleeding. 

I saw a deer on my run, we eyed each other up a little but decided we would not be running partners or adversaries. On the last mile, another runner was coming towards me along with a truck with a trailer on the back. To make things more suspenseful, there was a black cat in the middle of the road. The cat ran in front of the truck escaping by a couple of inches, the runners were safe as well. 

Today is my day off. I took my daughter in this morning to get her wisdom teeth out which has been rather uneventful. I remember getting mine out when I turned 21 after being in a lot of dental pain. All is remember is crying hysterically and getting bloody drool all over my roommates car. On the last day of recovery, I met my husband on his birthday. It has been almost 20 years since I got my wisdom teeth removed. How ironic that after having my wisdom removed, I made one of the smartest decisions in my life. 

Two more days of training this week, then my first 24 mile run next week. Yikes!

Marathon training, week 4

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Yesterday I pounded out 12 miles on the pavement. I was going to wait until Thursday to start up again after the 10k this last Saturday. But I felt no pain, no need to recover. I still feel some disappointment over the 45 seconds. What I didn’t tell you earlier is that the whole week leading up to the race my acid reflux was eating away at me. I sat with the garbage can next to me at work. The morning of the race I took my Prilosec, liquid antacid, and tums and still was in a moderate level of pain three quarters of the race.  I was more disappointed that no matter what I did I could not control the nawing pain inside of me. I know that it is silly to feel disappointment when I did the best I could under the circumstances. I also know that it is silly to feel anger when blogging about something that happened 30 years ago (guardians). But I will take feeling any day over the alternative. There was a time in my life that I did not feel any negative emotions. What a great way to protect yourself from pain you can’t handle. But guess what? I couldn’t feel any positive emotions either. I was just a shell of a person trying to survive. 

I have a new running partner. I would like to say that it is my son who ran the 10k with my husband and I. He was egging us on quite a bit with talk of beating us without training. He did not beat either one of us, but would like to try again with a 5k. Whatever gets him off the couch.

My new running partner is my daughter’s 17 year old friend. We got a mile into our first run together when a man in a service truck whistled at us rather loudly. I laughed for the whole next mile. It really isn’t safe for women to run by themselves on deserted country roads. My first running partner is super model gorgeous and you wouldn’t believe how many local service truck guys stopped us to ask for directions. My new running partner said she was more likely to be kidnapped by her dad who is stalking her instead of a service guy. Both of my running partners, like me, are outrunning many demons. They are both younger and faster too. They could leave me in their dust. Don’t worry honey, I have your back. Literally. 

45 seconds

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Yesterday was the first anniversary of my first race. I ran the 10k for the second time yesterday. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. At first I thought I beat last year’s time (woo hoo), then I realized that I did not (boo hoo). 45 seconds off! You are thinking, what is the big deal? I am a highly competitive person which has always been a great strength and a great weakness. I also believe the misconception that if you work twice as hard, that you will do better. The false belief that if you brush ten times a day and floss ten times a day, you will avoid that cavity that is starting. If I am training for a marathon, I should beat last year’s time when I was just training for a 10k. I felt discouraged, mentioned the word quitting, and was downright pissy. Then I checked the results online, realized I moved up into the next age group, and saw that I was in the top 7% of my age group. I will take it! I will try harder to not beat myself up over the 45 seconds. 

Marathon training, week 3

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I’ll let you in on a little secret. I am done training for the week. I was done after running my 6 miles on Monday. Okay, stop now. I can hear you saying, “Man, that girl is lazy.” “Let’s stop reading this crap.” “Why is she blogging on the running page again?” Whispers, gossip, and oh my’s. 

I have to redeem myself here. I am saving up a little running energy for a 10k on Saturday. The one year anniversary of my first race, the same race I did last year which I completed in 52 minutes and some odd seconds. I would like to finish in less than 52 minutes this year, less than 50 would be better, and last year my friend finished in 48 minutes. Yes, she is a couple years younger and has longer legs. Hmm. At least I am not in her age group anymore and she is moving out of the area. So I should be safe. Phew.

You’re still not convinced? Rough audience today. Okay, how about last night I sailed in my first ever sailboat race with my husband. What? Who told you we took last place? Well, it technically wasn’t last because 2 boats didn’t show. Oh well. I sure could use a little motivation. Which shirt should I wear for the race? I can’t decide….

1) I run because I really like beer. (I do really like beer but when I finish it will be too early to start drinking it.)

2) Honk if you’re going to hit me. (More of a road runner shirt, don’t need a gaggle of geese behind me.)

3) I run because punching people is frowned upon. (A little too aggressive maybe for a 10k? I don’t want to have disorderly conduct written all over me before the race starts.)

4) Training to be dauntless. (Wore this one for the half.)

5) You think I’m crazy for running, you should see me when I don’t run. 

1, 2, 3, 4, or 5??? 

Up north, part 1

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My great grandparents build a cabin on a quiet, secluded lake in 1950. It still has no internet and TV, yes! But no shower, no! Fast forward 65 years and the lake is no longer quiet or secluded. It is more of a party lake which tends to happen when a lot of people find out about a really great quiet lake. I spent the weekend up there with my family, my parents, and Matt. Time changes people. Matt is no longer that wild autistic boy who runs around hurting himself and others. He is entering middle age, less then a year from 40. It has been almost 13 years since he attacked someone, my oldest daughter. My dad has mellowed out over the years, but is still a surly old man who says hurtful things. My mom has really stayed the same. 

I did take some time to huddle up by the fire and lounge with a beer by the lake. The most exciting thing that happened was walking to get some ice cream. Even though I was technically off from marathon training over the weekend, I am still very active. I am the type of person that has a hard time sitting still, although marathon training has helped with that. There were about 100 bikers outside of the ice cream place and adjoining bar. I just wanted to get out of there. Just me and my two kids, disabled brother, my senior citizen mom, and a dog that probably could develop a liking for cigarette butts. And 100 bikers! 

As we were leaving, a biker came out of the bar and passed out 5 feet away from me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against bikers, just so many people that I felt a little trapped. I am not afraid of anyone. I could get into the biker lifestyle with the piercings, tattoos, leather jackets, skulls, not to mention having my hair blowing freely on the open road. There is a certain freedom in that. But, alas, my husband is a sailor not a biker. 

Last year we bought a 25 foot sailboat. It has already provided us with a lifetime of adventure (another blog). I can imagine a vagabond lifestyle country hopping, seeing the world. I imagine a future of sailing or driving across the world with no plan. In real life I am a schedule freak. Everything must be in its place and control must be maintained at all times. I run a tight ship. But in my dreams I am calm, relaxed, serene, peaceful. I am driving across the country in a VW robin egg blue hippie van, wearing bohemian clothing, and listening to 60’s music with no cell phone and just a camera slung over my back. No itinarary, no schedule. If I can run a marathon, what can stop me from doing everything I want to do in life? At 40, I am as young as I will ever be. 

Marathon training, week 2, take 2

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It has been a busy week with the end of the school year. I attended 2 graduations just this week alone. So it has been hard enough to train, much less write. Now before you start feeling sorry for me, I will confess that I am planning on spending the weekend up north at our family’s cabin on the lake. You will find me at the beach in a lounge chair with a nice cold beer. Never mind that it probably won’t even top 70 degrees this weekend. Oh well. Reality may be sitting huddled up next to a fire with a cup of coffee. 

I achieved my goals for this week which included a 6 mile run, an hour of Jillian  Michaels no more trouble zones, 3 miles of interval training, and ended today with a 12 mile run. Just adding a little more intensity to my normal weekly routine made the 12 mile run today challenging, but it was done without stopping. 

The funny thing is that I was never planning on being a runner. My husband and a friend of mine were running first. I thought they were crazy. I told my friend that if her husband started running that I would run too. Last year her husband finished the Ironman. Geez. 

I have been running about 5 years now and racing for one. I have been consistently finishing in the top 15% of my age group. Last year I completed two 10k’s and one 5k. Two were smaller races and I took a second and a third in my age group. I completed my first half last month and I am hoping with a lot of hard work I can be above 15% on these future races. We’ll see. 

Last month, while waiting in my corral for the half to start, I found the place where I belong. I wish it didn’t take so long. 

Marathon training, week 2

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Maybe the title should be marathon training, too weak. That is how I feel right now, weak. Weak, weak, weak. Weak, depressed, and exhausted. Is it some sort of midlife crisis? Marathon training 6 hours a week? Running a business with my husband? Raising 3 teenagers? Keeping the house obsessively clean? The endless laundry? Or starting a blog about the demons I have spent most of my life running from? I feel like a cracked and broken vessel. But who doesn’t inwardly love the sound of shattering glass?

I want to quit, give up. I feel angry. Why should I be telling you all of the intensely painful experiences in my life? Stories I shared only fully with one other person. I am standing in front of you naked, broken, ugly, alone. I don’t even want to run anymore. Maybe I am finally strong enough to face my demons and finally use it to help others. Outwardly I am beautiful and strong, inwardly I am broken and ugly. I will never be a completely unscarred human being, but I can help you get through this life. I was meant to help you. I know my purpose. I was meant to do this, but I want to quit. I need to tell my story to help others who have a sibling with a disability. I feel your pain. I feel your rage. I feel your sadness. And if I ever forget or run out of things to say, I have a box full of journals written during the most painful moments of my life. Pray and have faith that your life will get better, mine has. 

Maybe next time I will write more about marathon training. 

Birds

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I had a pet robin when I was a kid. 

I awoke early this morning, the day after my first 18 mile run. My husband kicked my foot this morning at 4:13 AM. Kind of like after you have a c section and you get a bear hug or have your in grown toenail removed and stub your toe. Ok, it wasn’t that bad and I wasn’t sore at all. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. I started thinking about the birds…

I have a love hate relationship with birds. When I was young, we had a band of wild, swooping swallows by our house. They always build nests over the lights on the front door that we never used. The newspaper my dad wadded up over those lights never kept them away. One day they were particularly wild after my dad knocked down a nest and a bird flew straight into my stomach. They dive bombed my cats too, although that was funny. 

As a runner, birds freak me out. They fly next to my head and I can hear their little wings flapping. Now I run by the birds with my hands in the air like I won the Olympics. Waving my arms in the air so I don’t hear their whisperings. At least my head is safe. 

Last summer I had a bird that would fly with me for a mile every run. I could see its shadow next to me on the pavement. It reminded me of my bird long ago. One summer when I was around ten, I had a pet robin. We had 2 cherry trees in the backyard. They produced tart cherries that no one ever ate or made into a pie. My dad had a habit of shooting birds that would go in those trees and eat the cherries. (In the future they put up nets to protect the uneaten cherries and later gave up altogether). One day my dad shot a robin. She had a nest with 3 baby birds in it. We rescued the  birds, but 2 were too little to survive. The strongest survived and became my constant companion. I fed him worms every day, but he never learned to fly. He would sit with me by the lake up north. Just a girl and her pet robin. Then fall came, school was starting and the worms would be scarce. My little brother decided to make a home for the bird to protect it and accidentally dropped one of the boards on him during construction. Years later I got a f(l)inch. He was always afraid of me and it wasn’t the same. 

I decided to run yesterday and not today because of torrential downpours and flash flooding that amounted to a few sprinkles. Now that is for the birds all right!