I decided to move on from journal 3 to journal 4.
There were a few things from journal 3 that I didn’t want to get into with you. When I was a child, my dad was cruel towards us. I am not ready to face that demon yet. I just want to face growing up with a violent autistic sibling…so much easier?
I will talk about my relationship with my dad some other time…later perhaps…maybe when his feet no longer touch the ground on this earth.
So far journal 4 is a bit of a steamy romance written when I was 17. In high school, we were required to write in a journal everyday for English class. I honestly can’t believe some of the things that I wrote. What if the teacher randomly collected our journals??
So far I am planning on burning this journal. I want to purge its existence off of the face of this planet.
How can it be that I want to destroy a part of me? A part of my life?
It is all foolishness people…It is about hating my parents, wanting my freedom…feeling bored and depressed…wanting more…waiting for a letter in the mail or a phone call from that special someone…trying out new things like drinking and smoking cigarettes…and don’t forget the steamy romance…Blaahhh
Normal teenage experiences re-read as a 40 something year old with kids that age..I almost threw up!
I want my kids to think that I was always old and dreadfully boring! I am doing a great job keeping up the facade.
Best to burn it before my teens find it and discover that I was once young and dumb…
Then I have to take the thought one step further….Will I think that the things I wrote on here when I am in my 40’s are immature and dumb when I am in my 60’s? Time will tell..but paper is so much easier to burn!
Maybe I should share an excerpt with you for a good laugh…Or maybe I will just burn it instead!
I haven’t decided…