I met with my therapist this week.
She asked me what I thought about living in my old house. I told her that my old house wasn’t anything special but it suited the purpose at the time.
She then asked me what it was like living in my dream house. Did it change me at all? Do I feel like I am a ‘softer’ person? Did I give up some of my determination?
I said that I don’t think I changed at all.
To this she responded, what if you were a healthier person inside? Do you really think that it is going to change you for the worse?
She trapped me in my own thinking.
Maybe I could have inner peace without giving up some of the grit that survival awarded me with.
I did what I had to do in order to survive. But now I am stuck because I know no other way. It suited its purpose at the time, but I no longer need to live there.
Why am I so fearful of being in a better place?
Outrunning my demons 
Success is scary, and being in a better place is a form of success. Take it slowly. You’re doing great.
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Thanks! Sometimes we just need a few good people to help us take our blinders off to keep moving forward. Slow change is preferable at this point. Taking baby steps is better than inaction. Have a great weekend!
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You too!
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I don’t know, but I am too, for what it’s worth… I am scared that if I recognize the good, the bad will come and take it all away. I guess it’s a fear of being disappointed or disillusioned. There’s nothing worse than feeling safe and then having the rug pulled from under to realise in an instant you’re really not. Its not bad or good it’s a result of what you’ve been through. Kudos to you for surviving it anyway.
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Thanks! Sometimes I find myself living in survival mode even though I no longer need to be there because that is all I know. But I want to be a healthier person…so…I understand the struggle. As long as we keep moving in the right direction, we’ll heal. We’ll make it through this process as better people.
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